Post # 1
I will try to keep this as short as possible.
A little background: FI and I are getting married next month. How did I meet FI? He was best friends with a guy I met in college and started dating. The college guy and I broke up but remained close friends, and so I continued to hang out with him and hence FI, since they seemed to do everything together. College guy and I started an on again, off again-type relationship where we dated, were friends, dated, friends with benefits… you get the picture. In the meantime, FI and I became close friends, especially toward the “end” when college guy and I just had to call it quits altogether. Who was there for me? FI was. I had always been attracted to FI and he felt the same way but we never did anything about it so as to not hurt college guy.
FI and I began dating awhile after collge guy and I said goodbye for good (on not so good terms), with the “ok” from college guy/FI’s best friend. Shortly after, college guy and FI had a fight (over me…) and they are no longer friends. This was 2.5 years ago. FI and I moved on together and college guy moved on and has since gotten engaged.
Now FI and college guy still talk when they see each other out and about and I have always been nice as well but really have no desire to be around college guy simply because he hurt both FI and I with his words and actions.
Word has it that college guy is inviting FI and I to his wedding since they were friends for so long.
I’m torn. If we do get the invite, which two different parties have told us we will be getting, do we go? I think FI has mixed feelings because, yes, they were very close friends since childhood. I don’t want FI to not go because of me. But it’s just completely awkward.
Your thoughts? I know I am capable of being adult and could go if FI really wants to but honestly I do not wish to see that man happy in any way. But then again, it would be nice to show college guy exactly what he is missing out on… an extremely successful and happy ex-best friend and a drop dead gorgeous (haha ok not really but it sounds good) ex-GF who is much hotter than his fiancee!
Post # 3
If it were ME, I would decline. It seems really awkward and maybe I’m reading too much into this, but a little gift grabby? I don’t get inviting people that you aren’t in touch with. I hate getting random invites from someone I was friends with 10 years ago – not to mention, this is an ex and someone your FI has had a blowup with that doesn’t sound exactly patched up.
ETA: Just read the last paragraph. Yeah, don’t go. Why go to their wedding if you’re going to sit there comparing you guys to them? Pointless. Be happy in your own life and let them be happy in theirs. Case closed.
Post # 4
I was going to say, go if you guys want to, decide as a couple, but your last paragraph is a little… silly.
If you’re so happy, sucessful and gorgeous why do you feel the need to rub it in his face?
Obvious Exbf harbours no ill feelings. You sure seem to however.
Post # 5
I don’t think you should attend at all. Especially since you don’t want to see him happy, watching him start his life with his new bride is only going to make you bitter and unpleasant by the end of the evening. He’s not going to be looking at you, especially on his wedding day and will not notice any other woman in the room other than his bride.
Post # 6
Especially with your history, I feel like the only reason to attend would be to incite drama. Move on, you have your man and you shouldn’t bother with an ex.
Post # 7
I would absolutely decline. I dont think there’s anything positive that could come from going, you know?
I know your last paragraph was somewhat tongue-in-cheek (I hope) but that was just a touch immature. The new girl didn’t do anything to you, why are you trying to compete?
Post # 8
Oh I was definitely just joking with the last paragraph there. I would never expect him to notice me or FI on his wedding day.
My point is, there are two broken relationships here and while I do understand his reason for wanting to invite FI to his wedding it just doesn’t add up. Most ex’s are ex’s for a reason and it’s just odd that we would get an invite.
Like I said, I know FI has mixed feelings about whether he would like to go or not (that is, if we even get the invitation) but I just wanted your thoughts on attending an ex’s wedding.
Post # 9
@Oneeleven: Yeh, that was sort of the vibe I got too. Like, almost that she wasn’t completely over it. There are people that I never want to see again in my life, but I also realize that I haven’t forgiven them for being butts either… Nor would I even consider attending their weddings for a split second.
Post # 10
I think there’s far better ways to rebuild friendships with people than inviting them to your wedding. If your ex and his fiance want to try to maintain a relationship with you both, then you should get together for dinner or drinks, not attend their wedding.
If I was invited to an ex’s wedding I would not go. Then again, I’m not friends with any of my ex’s. So.
Post # 11
Yeah….I was going to say yes, you should go and maybe it would be the start to making amends, but your last paragraph made me think “nope, doesn’t deserve to go.” I don’t know how things ended, or what the whole story is, but your thoughts about him are just mean. And honestly, I wouldn’t want someone who thought like that about me or my fiance to be at my wedding.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t go; it just doesn’t seem necessary. It bugs the crap out of me when people invite others to their wedding they haven’t seen or spoken to in years. And while 2.5 years isn’t that long, neither of you are close to him now. I’m glad you were joking with your last paragraph…that was gross and very shallow.
Post # 13
Leave it up to your FI. He prob won’t want to go either.
Post # 14
Want to clarify again that I was most definitely just joking . While it probably does make me sound like a complete b*tch, or more like a big baby, this guy never believed either FI or I would be anything close to successful and I am proud of FI and myself for what we have accomplished.
As far as the “hotter” comment, I have never formally been introduced to his fiancee and I have no right to judge her… was just having fun with it.
Post # 15
@loveissweet: I wouldn’t go because it seems like the guy must have really hurt you and your FH. One day you may be able to be in the same room with each other, but I don’t think now is the time.
Post # 16
If I were you, I wouldn’t go. It sounds like you guys aren’t close to him anymore and it would just create weird, awkward vibes. If you and your ex, and your FI and the guy, both had falling-outs in the past, then I imagine it won’t hurt his feelings if you respectfully decline–he might even just be inviting you two because he feels obligated to at least extend an invitation, even though he doesn’t want/expect you to actually come.