Invited to shower but not wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Rude, don’t go and don’t send a gift.

Post # 4
6450 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Artificial-Sweetener:  +1

It’s rude to invite someone to a shower but not the actual wedding. I would be tempted to not send a gift because this seems very gift grabby to me.

Post # 5
6953 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@kl1987:  I thought you were going to say you were invited to the reception but not the wedding… in which case I know it’s borderline but I think it’s fine to have a shower. But inviting you to the shower but not the reception? Nope. Just because I like to tear the covers off uncomfortable situations, I’d likely email or call her and say “I just received your shower invitation and realized I must have missed your reception invite. I didn’t want to miss the RSVP for that.” and let it sit there. Then she’d have to admit she invited you to the shower (for presents) and not the reception. Pointing it out shows how weird and rude it is. But that’s just me. 

Post # 7
2189 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

That’s weird! are you sure you’re not invited? Seems really rude.

I would do the same as @lia:  .

Post # 8
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think it is rude, actually. We had a very small wedding with only close family and like literally 3 friends and we still had showers. People who weren’t invited understood this and I really don’t think many of them cared because our wedding was out of town. 


Edit: I didn’t read the whole post correctly as see that you weren’t invited to the reception they will be having. In which case I would be mad, that is weird. LOL, I was confused, sorry : )

Post # 10
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@kl1987:  Yeah, no. That’s super rude and gift-grabby.

I would have FI double check to make sure you aren’t invited (invitations could get lost in the mail, after all). Worst case scenario is that the couple will have to admit they’re being tacky as all get-out by inviting you just to the shower.

Post # 11
6450 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@kl1987:  They put your names on his parent’s shower invite? Yeah… super gift grabby.

Post # 12
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@kl1987:  Are you sure they sent the wedding invitations? I sent out my shower invites before my wedding invites.

Post # 13
240 posts
Helper bee

Definitely not OK. I wouldn’t go to the shower.

Post # 15
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Tackytackytacky. I would confront her about it. Either that’s not what she meant to do and this will gve her an opportunity to make things right, or else she is just hopelessly greedy and DID mean to do it–in which case, she deserves all the awkwardness she’s going to get and then some.

Post # 16
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

AUGH.  It’s disgusting what some people do for presents.  There’s no way in hell I’d go.  However, I would mail the bride a book on etiquette and how to treat people like people and not gift-giving machines. 😉

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