- 9 years ago
My FMIL is throwing me a shower this weekend. We are having a small wedding, which was not something my FMIL was happy with. She was quite disappointed with the amount of her friends/coworkers/neighbors, etc. that we were not able to accomodate. However, my fiance and I are paying for the wedding, so we wanted to keep the number of guests under a certain amount.
Anyway, back to the shower. Even though I expressly sent her the list of "her side" so that she could know who was invited to the wedding, she decided to invite 10-15 people to the shower who are not invited to the wedding. My fiance told her that we weren’t necessarily comfortable with people coming to the shower who were not invited to the wedding, but she went ahead and did it anyway. She keeps saying that she told them that we were "keeping it small" but at no point did she admit that she actually told people that they were not invited to the wedding. Our invitations have been sent and the "reply-by" date was last Saturday. We refuse to add people to the list, even though not everyone has accepted the invitations. And if we did add people, they would be MY friends who I left off the list to accomodate what I feel is already enough on her side.
Personally, I find it to be extremely rude to invite people to a shower, but not to the actual wedding. It feels like I’m saying "Hey, buy me a gift, but you’re not important enough to come to my wedding!" The only way I could see this working without anyone being offended is if coworkers threw a shower, which I think mine are doing for me. They already know that none of them are invited. I’m terrified that some stranger is going to come up to me at the shower and say "How come we didn’t get our invitation?"
So is this something anyone has experience with? Have you had a shower where the majority of people were not invited to the wedding? If someone does confront me about it, what do I say??