(Closed) Invited to the bachelor party but not the wedding

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is not getting invited to the wedding but the expensive bachelor party rude?
    Yes...it is rude, but remember guys don't think the same way we do so don't take it personally! : (74 votes)
    89 %
    No- it is normal these days, at least he had a great time! : (9 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3302 posts
    Sugar bee

    Hello fellow CT lady! Yes it is rude but this also happened to my fiancé. He was invited to the stag party with a $25 entrance fee but did not receive an invite. Not sure if this is the norm now but this is rude 🙁 especially if bachelor guests aren’t aware ahead of time.

    Post # 5
    Member
    7296 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    i think its rude only because he doesn’t know for sure at this point if he was invited. i think it would have been fine if his friend explained that he would love to invite him but can’t for whatever reasons, but would still love to celebrate with him at the bach party.  

    Post # 6
    Member
    3689 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I don’t think it’s the norm, even if guys do think differently on most things than women do.  Letting him drop all that money on a bachelor party and not inviting him to the wedding is rude.  That shit hurts people’s feelings.  You just don’t invite people to the wedding-related activities but not the wedding.

    It seems like your guy was used so the groom could have a kick-ass, huge bachelor party.

    Post # 8
    Member
    8326 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Maybe the invite got lost in the mail? The bride might be on here ranting about people not RSVPing!

    Can he maybe ask his friend if he was invited? get him to ask in a confused way like- Wifey got me thinking that maybe our invite got lost in the mail since we haven’t received it yet. I was just thinking that we weren’t invited due to budget/venue contrainst which I understand are a huge problem for couples. She jsut wont let it go though because she is afraid of being rude if we are supposed to RSVP.

    or something like that.

    Post # 9
    Member
    420 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    IMO it’s just as rude as inviting someone to the bridal shower but not the wedding.  Just because they’re guys doesn’t mean they get a pass.  Give your husband a hug, it sucks not getting invited to a friend’s wedding, especially when you’ve been invited to other wedding related events. 🙁

    Post # 11
    Member
    420 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    @j_jaye:  I agree with the sentiment there, and I would probably ask too if it were me. The only possible issue I see is if he’s been purposefully not invited.  Then it would be awkward too.  I do agree that might be a good way to phrase things if he does ask though.

    OP: Maybe there’s a mutual friend who could find out if you guys are invited?  The reason I didn’t bring this up is because you also didn’t recieve a save the date, however, now that I’m thinking about it I’ve only ever gotten one save the date (and then subsequently was not invited to the wedding) yet I’ve been to about half a dozen weddings.  Maybe save the date cards aren’t as much in the norm as we think they are?  Use your judgement, but if you guys do decide to ask about it, be prepared for your hubby’s feelings to get hurt if the answer is no.  Of course, his feelings are already hurt at thinking he’s not invited.  Honestly, I don’t know, maybe it’s better to take a band-aid approach to this situation and just have your husband ask and deal with the consequences.  At least then he’ll know where he stands

    Post # 12
    Member
    1868 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I think that is incredibly rude. Don’t invite someone to a wedding related activity and then not invite them to the actual wedding. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    8326 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @AllTheGoodUsernamesAreTaken:  Yeah true but if he was invited to the bachelor party then I don’t think there would be any other reason than venue/budget for not recieving an invite.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1796 posts
    Buzzing bee

    IF he spend FOUR HUNDRED DOLLA then yes, very rude. Why invite sometime to any wedding-related activity without inviting them to the wedding? That is like pouring salt into the wounds. I would have a mutual friend ask, because the invite may have been lost in the mail, as PP said.

    Post # 15
    Member
    420 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    @j_jaye:  Yeah, the only reasons I can think of are 

    1) The invitation got lost in the mail, or something similar (but he’s meant to be invited)

    2) They had to shorten the guest list for financial reasons (but I think he should have been told that before hand)

    3) The groom is just a douche (I have no idea if this is true or not, and I certainly hope it isn’t)

    I guess I’m just worried this poor guy’s feelings will get hurt even more if he asks, but I suppose that might be a risk worth taking.  How bad would it be if he was actually meant to be invited and missed it because of a mis communication or something being lost in the mail?  The more I’m thinking about it, the more I’m leaning towards your suggestion of just asking if he’s invited though.  I like the way you worded it.

    Post # 16
    Member
    8326 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @AllTheGoodUsernamesAreTaken:  lol always a chance the grooms a douche or the bride (would seem more likely in this case given an invite to the bachelors but not invited to the wedding. I am sure many a bride has pulled the I don’t like him he isn’t invited card). But in that case it is probably better for OP’s FI to find out what a douche he is rather than carry on the relationship if beign a douche is the reason!

    OP I really hope it is just a lost in the mail situation or budget constraints.

    The topic ‘Invited to the bachelor party but not the wedding’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors