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Yes, its very tacky to invite people to wedding related events, but not invite them to the wedding.
I would not do this. I would feel like I was being asked for a gift/to contribute money towards the evening, and then not even invited to the actual event!
Yeah, I don't think I'd do this. I wouldn't feel comfortable if it were me, ya know? It just seems like it's not a good idea to leave them hanging on the most important aspect of it.
Poor etiquette for sure....but, I almost wanna say that since they're guys, they may be cool with JUST coming (no gift, ya know) and hangng out with the dudes. I know a few guys were at DH's bachelor party b/c they just wanted to hang out as a group with all the fraternity brothers, and were 100% ok with not being invited to the wedding, saying they totally understood, it's no big deal, etc etc. So while women will be like "omg i'm so offended!" i think (based on my experience) guys are more OK with this breach.
I agree with everyone else, unles you plan to invite them to the wedding, do not invite them to wedding related events. People invited to showers will probably assume they are invited to the wedding too, and may be disappointed to learn they aren't.
Unless this is NOT considered a bachelor party then no, bad idea :S
I would say no. If you invite people to this, they'll expect to be invited to the wedding, and if they aren't you'll hear about it.
Even if you're not meaning to, this looks like a call for gifts.
Yeah, bad idea. I found out after the fact that my husband's groomsmen invited some friends that weren't invited to the wedding to the bachelor party (we were having a smaller destination wedding). I don't think any of the guys were offended because they knew the wedding was taking place somewhere else but I was still irritated by it. Especially since those guys probably have GFs and wives who did think it was in poor taste. I definitely wouldn't recommend it for a shower because of the whole gift aspect.
I wouldn't do it. Would really look like gift farming. If they're close enough to invite to a special event such as the bachelorette party or bachelor party, they're getting invited imho. Only my closest girlfriends and bridesmaids will come to mine, thus they're getting invited.
This might sound kinda weird but I'm pretty sure it's normal for guys to think this way. I would never invite someone to a pre-wedding event and then not invite them to the wedding, but after having this conversation with a couple guys in the past, it seems like it's not a big deal to them.
It's not really good form to invite people to wedding parties without inviting them to the wedding. But the guys might not care.
But good or poor form, I think you have to do what works for you. If it's not bothering anyone, maybe there's no harm.
I voted YES because there were people at my shower that aren't invited to the wedding but I wasn't hosting the shower. I gave them a list of those ivited to the wedding and then they added a few people on.
I wouldn't go there, unless FI wants to be totally upfront with the guys like, "Hey, I really wanted to be able to invite you to have fun with us at our Wedding Shower, because we're having a wedding that is too small for many of our close friends to be invited. I'd love it if you could come, but please don't feel like you need to bring a gift!"
It's still touchy territory though. While most guys won't be offended, some could take it personally. I think it could also be hard for them if there are only a handful of people not invited to the wedding. Because at that point, it seems like your friends ARE coming, and they just didn't make the cut.
I only invited people to my shower and bachelorette party that were invited to the wedding. I dont think its ok to invite people to a shower and not the wedding because it looks like all you want is a gift. I do think its ok to have people go to a bachelor or bachelorette party that are not part of the wedding because there arent gifts involved and its typically just a fun night out.
My FH was about to send an email to the 'guys' about the bachelor party when I stopped him and asked "Um.. Are they all invited to the wedding?" He was like "Oh, I don't know.." I don't think guys think/care about it as much. I told him to hold off on sending it to the guys if we didn't know they are invited (still waiting on a family list from his Mom). But there are still a couple guys on his list who know they aren't invited to the wedding but don't care adn still want to go to the bachelor party. I guess it just depends on the situation.
We had a neighborhood shower and some families that weren't invited to the wedding are coming to that. Granted we're having a DW...so maybe it's different.
I think if it was a bachelor party that would be a bit different since gifts aren't usually involved. But since it's a shower where gifts will be involved it seems a bit out of place. My guy was kinda in the same position, was in a frat back in the day and had buddies that he invited when he went out in NY that weren't invited to the wedding. I don't think anyone really cared as they didn't stay in touch too often, so wouldn't have expected to be invited to the wedding, but it was fun to join for a drink and catch up a bit. I think it would have been a bit much though to have invited them to a party where people were gift giving though.
Thank you for ALL for you replies. We never want to offend anyone, so I'm certain we'll pull from the persons on the wedding guest list.
Thanks!
I agree with pervious posters that it's not a great idea to invite people to a wedding-related event if you're not inviting them to the weddign itself. I'd feel bad if it happened to me.
I voted no because I didn't do this. However, against my strong requests, my MIL did. She invited many of her friends/aquaintances to a shower that she threw for me, despite my reminder that they weren't invited to the wedding. Her friends didn't say anything to me about it, but it was extremely awkward. By the time her shower took place, our invitations had already been sent and the RSVP date had passed. I felt strange with some people there who were going to be at the wedding and others who were obviously left out. Personally, if it had been up to me, I never would have done that.
I think if you invite to the shower, bachelorette parties they should be invited to wedding.
I would be offended and I was offended when this happened to me. But I'm a girl and we take offense to this.
My FI has been invited to a number of Bachlor parties where he wasn't invited to the wedding and that was prefectly fine with him. I guess b/c bachlor parties you aren't required to bring a gift.
My annoyance to being invited to a bridal shower was you had to get them a gift for that but not be invited to the wedding sort of thing.
I agree with everyone....Do not invite people to the shower that are not invited to the wedding. It also looks like your trying to get another gift out of that person...they would def. be offended.
Yes, but only for a very specific reason: I live in a relatively small expat community abroad. Like, 30 adults and 30 kids. We work together and see each other all the time, but most of them aren't people I would ever have become friends with in real life.
So a few are getting invites to the wedding, even though I know they won't be able to come, but I'll have a shower with all of the women in our community, even though they aren't invited to the wedding. They'll host it in the spring (I say this with utter certainty, because, well, that's just what we do when someone gets married or has a baby in our community).
I wouldn't and didn't but my FI did. He invited 3 guys that aren't invited to the wedding. His bachelor party was up in Reno at his parents 2nd home during superbowl weekend so it was actually a 2-fer so some of the guys were more there to gamble and watch the game and werent' there all weekend. I don't think any of them were bothered or offended. Personally, I only invited girls that were coming to the wedding to any associated parties.
Our wedding is going to be for FAMILY ONLY. Minus my MoH because I'm the ONLY girl in my family and I'm not very close to his family. I want our friends to be included but the only way we see to do this is to involve them in the pre-wedding festivities. I'm not even againt them "crashing" the wedding. I've told them where it is but because HE wants it to be all family they aren't being officially invited.
However, if you are inviting friends and family to the wedding then i would rather be excluded from showers than from the wedding (or be excluded from both). I feel that i would be hurt in those circumstances.
Don't do it - it leaves a really horrible taste in the mouth. The reason is that it sends the message that you would invite people specifically for their shower gifts, but not for the experience (and expense) for the wedding. Not good...
My mom still brings up the time when she was invited to one of her former students wedding shower, but NOT the wedding! She is still hurt over it! (3 years later!)
Yeah, I'm kinda in the boat as well... my shower was 2 weeks ago (a surprise... I had nothing to do with invites) and 2 people were invited and showed up that the host KNEW were not invited to the wedding.
For traditional wedding ettiquette, you shouldn't invite them if they are not invited to the wedding. It's tacky.
But since I had a city hall wedding and small reception of 20 people, my friend hosted a bridal shower inviting people who could not celebrate with me on my wedding day. it was the only way they could celebrate the life event with me. However, I told my friend to please let them know that I am not expecting any gifts, etc. That way they knew I wasn't looking for gifts, but just a way to be able to share the event in some way with me.
Yes, you should invite everyone that's invited to the shower to the wedding as well, unless it is a private destination ceremony with an at home reception like we're doing (then they will just get invited to the reception). Children are the exception though cuz we're not inviting them to our reception, but we are to our shower.
I'd give a pass because it's guys. My FI's group of fraternity brothers regularly does this. I thought it was so odd when he first told me about it, but they are very happy with it. They'd be more upset that they were not invited to the bachelor party than that they weren't invited to both. We'll see what he opts to do for himself, but if being a good host(ess) is about making your guests comfortable and happy, then it's clear a larger bachelor party is the way to go.
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Hi Bees!
I need your opinions and/or suggestions.....
In lieu of a bridal shower & bachelorette party and my FI having a bachelor party, we've decided to have a (joint) Date Night Themed Wedding Shower. Is it a bad idea to invite people to the wedding shower that we are NOT planning to invite to the wedding?
The question came about because my FI wants to invite more guy friends to the shower that are not on the wedding guest list. I don't have a problem with it but now we're thinking it may be poor etiquette.
Help!
Thanks!