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Not sure what to do. I invited two family menbers to the my wedding, whom I haven't seen in about four years. The envelope was only addressed to them along with the inner envelope. When I received the response card under number attending it said 16! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I called my mother since they are relatives of her. She just laughed and said "I never thought that they would even come to the wedding." Our venue is just not big enough and to mention cannot really afford the extra people. I don't want to cause any family dilemas. HELP ME!
OMG 14 extra people! That is nuts!
I would recommend having your mother call them (since it sounds like they are from her side of the family) and explain to them that there is a size limit to your venue and you simply cannot accomodate that many people.
WHO INVITES 14 OTHER PEOPLE? I'm sorry I can't get over that.
You're not getting out of this without actually having a conversation with these people. You need to have it soon, because you don't want them booking hotel/plane/etc for all those people! Ask your mom for their number. Call them up. Tell them you are SO HAPPY that they want to attend the wedding. Explain to them that you are flattered that they wanted to bring so many others, but that you don't have enough space in your venue and you had only expected the two of them. Make sure you emphasize that there is not enough room, because sometimes people can try to push it. Just be very apologetic, thank them, and ask if you can count on only the two of them coming despite not having the other 14 come. And that's it. If it causes some drama, you should pay no mind because frankly they should be thrown under a bus for inviting 16 instead of 2. Seriously. That's poor etiquette for ANY party. Do you even know the other 14??? Anyway, yeah. Call them. Tonight.
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You should ask your mom to speak with them and explain that the invitation was only for 2 guests to attend (not 16) and also explain the space constraints of the venue to them. Hopefully they will be understanding and gracious about it. Good luck!
OMG! This is one of my worst nightmares...I'm so sorry this happened to you and I pray it doesn't happen to me. I'm so non-confrontational, I wouldn't even know how to handle it...good luck, I hope you get everything straightened out.
Wow. I am so shocked by this. That is just not right.
I agree with the responses above. You need to handle it fast but maybe go through your mom. Let them know you're so happy they want to come but you really can only have so many guests. We also had a few relatives that from my husband's side (he hasnt seen them in 25 years) that invited themselves to our wedding. Luckily my MIL took care of it.
14 people that is shocking, not to mention awfully presumptious! I agree with the others, ask your mom to call and explain the situation. I hope they are polite about it. Let us know how it turns out.
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Who does that kind of thing? Did they give names or reason for the insane number? Maybe they just have a sick sense of humor and wanted to get your attention. 
I agree with the other posters that you or your mom need to call them ASAP!
I don't know the layout of your RSVP, but if you didn't put the actually number that was invited, then they might not know. It's easy for us b/c we read so much on etiquette and everything. It's still not right for them to invite 14 extra people, but I would give them the benefit of the doubt that they didn't know any better.
It's too late for this now, but I'm hoping how we did our RSVPs will eliminate this problem.We had it like this.
( ) Accepts with pleasure
__ out of __ attending (I wrote in the # invited on the 2nd blank)
( ) Declines with regret
I had a feeling that what happened to you would happen to me! Our invites just went out today, so we'll see how many write over what I put down!
I didn't what hbowar did and put an ___ out of ____ attending, but someone CHANGED IT! I invited 2 they are bringing 8. My mom told them they could. I was good with them bringing their grandkids (so my nephews have kids to play with) but not the whole family and their dates! I'm stuck because I was okay with a few more, but when I saw that my poor heart skipped a beat.
I agree with the others have said, talk to them, tell them there's just no room.
I cannot believe someone actually did this!! If this were one or two extra people, it might be a little bit more difficult situation, but since it was such a BIG number of extra people and they were SO RUDE to add more, I think you can just call them and say "I'm sorry, only ____ and ____ were invited. Will they be coming?" They should have known better.
I agree with the other posters, you really do need to speak to them about this. My other question is this: Are the 14 people that didn't get invited that the other family members felt should have been and that's why they are including them on their rsvp?
One option is to put their money where their mouth is, let them know the cost per person of the wedding and ask them if they are willing to contribute to the budget accordingly, meaning PAY FOR THE EXTRA 14 PEOPLE, themselves.
Keep it simple as in we were planning on having you two, are happy to have 14 extra, just need help with budget planning.
Rude - this calls for my favorite word - Outrageous!!!
Agree with the previous posters. I know it's awkward, but try not to feel that way, it's their error, not yours. You or mom needs to do it right away, as Mighty said. They could be making recervations or something. Even if they are in town, they might be buying a nice dress or just plain old "getting excited" about coming....
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And here I am in agreement wit other posters. Just politely call and say how excited you are that they are able to come and flattered that everyone else is as well, but unfortunately your veunue is for a specific amount AND you were only expecting two of them NOT 14!!!!! Call ASAP if you haven't.
wow... I thought that was a typo. How do you invite 14 extra people to someone else's wedding? That's just beyond cheeky.
WHAT! that's ridiculous! I agree with the many responses you've received here. Good advice all around. You are definitely in need of a serious talk with these people and probably your mom since they are on her side. I think that if you are open and honest - your venue and budget are maxed- you'll get your point across and hopefully they'll understand... that the invite was meant for TWO!
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My anxiety level went up just by reading the title of your post!!! WOW.
This is definitely something that needs to be addressed by your mom. She should call them and let them know that only 2 seats were reserved for them, due to venue space and budget constrictions.
Keep us posted!!
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Your post made me laugh! You read about brides complaining about +1!!! Goodluck handling this!
I'm shocked that they would put you in that position!! This actually happened to my best friend. She invited 2 and they RSVP'd for 10 (bringing their kids and friends for their kids to hang out with). She let it go, but personally, I think I'd call them and explain your constraints. Really, they're being rude in this situation so you're fully within your rights to reiterate that you only invited the two of them.
I would love an update on this to know how you ended up handling this situation!
oh my gosh, I think I would faint if that happened. Seriously, who does that? This is why we're not even leaving a space for filling in a number. It has a line for them to fill in their names, and then they check 'accepts with pleasure' or 'declines with regrets'. There's no way to fit more than 2 names on that line!! Although now i have visions of getting an RSVP back with extra lines drawn in. Nightmare!
Please give us an update on what happened!
i had a friend rsvp with 5 but she called and asked first. 3 were kids which we did not have to pay for so it was not too bad but I would call asap and kindly explained you simply do not have enough room. keep us posted! good luck!
How rude!!! Poor you. You should have your mom explain to them, because that is ridiculous!!! Good luck!
Lalaaz where r u so you can update us? ;o) Such a strange thing to have happen... fourteen people. I would go Neuro-Rican on them personally... (if my man didn't get to them first).
Don't worry! For my cousin's wedding, she had the same dilemma. I am trying to avoid this by letting each invitee know how many seats are reserved in their honor and if they don't get the big picture, there will be a nasty phone call. My family feels they don't need invitations. They will just photo copy another family member's and rsvp with that. No, this is NOT an exagarration (sp?).
At least you can remain cordial for yours, though. Your mom should definitely call and just explain that there are only ____ seats reserved and the wedding will not accommodate for all 14 that they have rsvp'ed for. Apologize for the misunderstanding and only have place cards for those people that you have the space reserved for. This is why escort cards and place settings are helpful.
Let us know what you wind up doing, though.
if it makes you feel better, we did ___ of ___ seats are reserved for you (w/ the 2nd blank filled) and at least 10 of our guests asked if they can invite a guest... doh!
and half of our invites (for my parents) just had a blank seats... and one wrote in 7! yes 7! Granted, they're all uncle, aunt and cousins, but I haven't seen these people in at least 15 years...
and another (who was invited cause my parents sent my aunt an invite) cousin who I haven't seen for 11 years decided to invite his g/f (who of course I've never met...) wtf was all i can say... i didn't even invite some close friend's g/fs that both FI and I have met and liked cause of our rules of +1 invites.
people don't realize how rude it is....
anyways...back to other problems.
Thank you everyone for all the posts.
Here is the new update: So my mom called her family and explained the situation. They were alright with what she had to say. They understood, but when she got off the phone with them, she turned to me and said "I still think all 16 are going to show up!" I guess I will have to wait until my weddingto see what happens, huh! Wish me luck!
wow- Maybe you should have security/door check in person at the door and have them say "sorry you aren't on the list". ;o)
Speechless, don't know what I would do if an extra 12 people showed up to my reception. Maybe your mom can call the day before to make sure they are aware your reception is already at maximum capacity. Hopefully they will get the picture!
Are these pepole nuts? In this economy brides and grooms are tightening their budgets. Weddings are a special celebration, not a free Saturday night meal for the family. Budgets are tight enough. By adding an extra guest , let alone an extra FOURTEEN people, it can really put a strain on the couple's finances.
Call them and explain politely that this is a wedding not a Pondersoa Steak House buffett.
That is insane! I'm glad your mom called and it seems like they took it well, but why exactly does she feel they're all still going to show up? It might be worth a follow up note politely confirming it's just 2. Are these other 14 people family, or at least people you know? Maybe there is some other event they can be invited to that won't max out your budget, like a get together at somone's house to celebrate your engagement?
Good luck with this!
LOL @gvusara - a Ponderose Steakhouse... that is a good one!
I am glad that your mother talked with her but am still stressed for you that the extra 14 are showing up. Who are the other 14 people that they are inviting? How ridiculous! We can only SEAT 150 people at our venue so I would flip if this happened.
I hadn't thought about adding the __ of __ will attend. I haven't seen many brides do that... is that typical?!
hahaha i need an update on this insane post. I would flip out - who invites 14 uninvited guests?
Seriously? 14 people? Is this how big their immediate family is? OR are they inviting half their block?
I want to know what happened too!
Oh wow. I just read this and flipped. I too wanna see some positive resolution to these insensitive relatives/guests!
If it happened to me, they'd be receiving a very nice "courtesy" phone call reminding them that it was addressed to them and them only.
I would have called them up immediately and said Nope. No way. No how. Sorry! You haven't seen them in 4 years... what nerve!!
If they put up a fuss, I'd be like, okay it will cost you $2000 not including gratuity or tax for all of you to attend. I take cash or cheque & I need it 30 days before the wedding. Thanks!!
I'm in shock! I hope we find out how this all went down...
Well. That's definitely why I say that to have a "Number attending line" is either really good or really bad - we had one and had a similar situation.
I hate people now - after this wedding haaha
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