Invites… spouse of groomsmen problem.. help!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

pinksavage:  If this guy is a cheater and his wife is so obnoxious, why did your fiance make this guy a groomsman? I’m sorry to say I think your FI made a mistake there. 

But now that he’s a groomsman, you’ve got to invite her to the wedding. To do anything else is an offence to the groomsman.

Anyway, lots of people who don’t like each other tolerate each other at weddings. A common example is divorced parents of the bride or groom. My divorced parents have always been civil to each of their childrens’ weddings, even though they dislike each other because the divorce came from cheating. If divorced parents can handle weddings, so can an ex boyfriend and girlfriend.

Post # 3
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I would let your FI deal with it.  He’s a groomsman so you have to invite his wife, but I would let your FI make sure they know to behave or else you’ll have no problem asking them to leave.  

Post # 4
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

pinksavage:  I have a similar issue with a girl I don’t like who has clearly expressed hate for me coming to the wedding as a groomsman’s girlfriend. It’s a sad fact of life. Just make sure she isn’t bringing her wild friends, again!

Post # 5
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

pinksavage:  UGH. Etiquette says you have to invite her. But common decency says to keep her locked in a cage. I agree let FI deal with it (the fact that he made this guy a groomsman is shameful, though). If it were to absolutely be as much a sh!t show as you describe, then leave her name off the invitation. But that’s only for survival sake. 

Post # 8
11614 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You don’t have to like her, you don’t have to be friends with her, but as a groomsman’s wife, and the wife of any guest, she has to be invited.

You won’t even know she’s there. 

Post # 9
42135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You really can’t NOT invite her. You can however politley ignore her presence at your wedding.

Post # 10
759 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Unfortunately, there’s no way around inviting her. All you can hope for is that she decides not to come. I don’t blame you – I wouldn’t want her there either.

Post # 11
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

pinksavage:  I would NOT invite someone who did not apologize for bringing friends who threw bottles at me and destroyed my house. She deleted you from everything so thats clear enough you don’t have to invite her to your wedding – regardless of what etiquette says

Post # 15
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m sorry but I think you should say screw etiquette in this situation. its YOUR wedding, no one except this couple will think you are less of a person for not inviting her esp if they know the situation. this isn’t the 1950’s where we have to play nice to everyone anymore, and unless you love in a super small town where your wedding will be the talk of the town, does it really matter if it makes you happy?

 If it were me I would sit down with my FI and the groomsman and doscuss the situation and your concerns, as adults you should be able to come to an agreement whether that’s the groomsman understanding why his wife is not invited or her showing up with a plastered smile. you don’t need extra stress on your day nor should you have anyone so negative there. 

I think people get so wrapped up in weddings and other events thinking they need to have to act a certain way have certain things etc, but your actions wont be on display to the world, your pictures won’t be on Pinterest, and no one will write miss manners about you, so do what makes you happy. 

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