Post # 1
I am in the process or making up our guestlist so I can print out our invitations and I have a small problem. I am an Australian getting married (and living and working)in the USA and all of my family and friends are either back in Australia or in the UK.
I would like to send wedding invitations to all my family and friends. My mother was helping me get the addresses sorted out by phone the other day and she’s going "Oh you don’t want to invite them, oh you don’t want to invite them." To all my choices. Her opinion is if there is no chance on them coming to the wedding it is rude to invite them as it looks like I am asking for presents.
It is going to be hard enough on me that none of my friends or family will have the money to fly half way around the world to come and I have accepted that. But it feels like I am leaving my entire life out of the wedding by not inviting them, and I see the invites more as a way to let them know I am getting married and I love them and would like them to be there.
Does it look like a present grab sending invites to people you know can’t come, but that would be the first in line cheering if the wedding was in Australia? I wondered about maybe putting a little note in with each one. Along the lines of "I know you won’t make it as the USA is a long way away but I wanted you to share in my day anyway" or something. I was even thinking of posting my closest family and friends wedding favours after the wedding as a little "heres a piece of my happy day for you" kind of thing and now my mother has me feeling like I should just ignore anyone but my nuclear family. Now I am just confused and sad about what is and isn’t appropriate.
I think I need an outsiders point of view on this. Because right now I could just cry, as I feel like I am organizing the whole wedding for just my FI and his family and I don’t even get to include my friends and family even at this level.
Any ideas, help or comments to help me see the matter more clearly aprreciated.
Post # 3
Hi wwax we’re date twins 🙂 I’m also living abroad and am going to have a wedding where most of my friends and family cannot attend. I would say you should go ahead with sending invitations to your dearests in Australia. It serves to tell them that you’re getting married and that they have a special place in your heart.
In my case, when we sent out our save the dates and request for addresses, many of our overseas family and friends expressed that they most likely will not be able to make it and hence did not give their addresses. We opted to send them email invitations instead stating: ‘We realize it is a long way for you to travel to get to our wedding. Just in case you’re still able to make it, we have attached an invitation and details of our wedding. We look forward to hearing from you and to receiving your favourite recipe whether you can or cannot make it’. We requested that our guests provide us with their favourite recipe with which to start a family recipe book as part of our RSVP. We’re not expecting gifts from our guests so hope they see this as a way of gifting us.
I don’t believe that your friends and family will think of the invitations as you asking for gifts! They will be happy to hear about your wedding. I would be if I were a friend. I think sending them favours is a good idea. Is traveling to Australia a possibility for you sometime? Perhaps an idea would be to hold a get together or reception for those who could not be at your wedding. This way you can get your family and friends involved and spend some quality time with them.
Hang in there! Wedding planning isn’t easy but in the end, you’re going to marry the love of your life!
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor
Invite the people you’d like to see at your wedding. There is no rule that says they have to send a present and they shouldn’t feel obligated to do so. My fiance is British and we’re getting married in the US, he just invited the people close to him that he would want to share the day with. It’s a shame that so many of them can’t come, but it’s understandable. I would stand your ground and invite who you’d like to have at your wedding.
If they can make it, that’s great and if they can’t that’s a shame – but in the end we decided peeople should make that choice for themselves vs us make it for them (invite or not invite).
Post # 5
My fiance is the same way, he lives in England and told me not to bother inviting all his faraway family and friends he knows cant make it from UK and the Oz; I told him just send an invitation anyway it will make them feel included; we are definitely transporting his immediate family and best friend from the UK; we found a way to get his best friend from Oz over (my sister’s friends buddy pass) and we invited his other best friend from Germany, a close co-worker even if he can’t make it and his buddy who is also Oz
I invited an aunt from the Phiilippines; didn’t think she could make it but lo and behold she has a school reunion in the US same week and might make it after all; all my first cousins from Texas and Illinois are coming, too (funny thing my cousin in New Jersey is closest geographically and isn’t sure yet because of schedule)
I say invite the closest ones anyway and SAVE space; they have been closest to you all your life even if they cannot make it they will feel honored that you thought of them enough to want to include them in the The most important day of yor life; if they love you and have the means they will find a way to come, don’t stress, don’t think it’s a money grabbing idea, they will just feel happy for you
we are thinking of having a small celebration back in England but there’s only one real wedding day; I say go for it but just make sure you have space reserved in case they can come! I wasn’t counting on the aunt coming from across the world,
smile, dont stress it’s your wedding!
Post # 6
Similar story here too – we live in Ireland but we’re getting married at home (my home) in Connecticut. I am still trying to get his guest list from him but we are planning on inviting everyone as if we were getting married here so that they can decide for themselves. We’re also having a blessing/reception back in Ireland a couple weeks later and I’m planning on making the info available to my friends and family in case they want to make the trip over – a wedding celebration is as good an excuse as any! My mother told me not to share all the info in case it makes people in CT feel obligated to travel but I think my family know that it’s not a guilt trip, it’s just an open invitation!
As far as a gift-grab – if people want to get you a gift they will, whether they’re invited or not, whether they can attend or not. It’s a happy occasion and some people just want to congratulate you either way!
Post # 7
im an aussie living in aussie and i have many friends in the US that send me invites to their weddings – and i LOVE receiving them!! it gives me a connection to them even though i cant make the wedding in most cases (going to the US next month for 4 days for an August 16th wedding!)
i say send them!!!!! and adding the note about not being able to join but wanted to share the day is a lovely & warm addition – i say do it!
Post # 8
I’m an aussie living and wedding in the US and I sent invites to all my Australian friends. I knew that the chances of any of them coming were slim, but the gesture of inviting them was important to me and I think they appreciated it too. I don’t think any of them interpreted it as a present grab! I like the idea of sending them a favor (or perhaps a pic of you and your guy from the wedding) afterwards.
I’m with you on feeling a bit sad that none of my Australian people will be at my wedding. I’ll have loved ones from my life in the US at the wedding, but all my oldest and dearest friends will be missing. It’s just the way it is, but it is a bit sad. 🙁
Post # 9
I don’t think it’ll seem like a present grab as many people don’t give gifts to the weddings they are invited to but do not attend. I think you should invite them so that they will see that you have chosen to think of them and include them in your special day. If your mother continues to disapprove of your idea, include a little note in those invites that says something along the lines of "your well wishes are our presents" …