Post # 1
So one of my BM’s is my little sister’s best friend. I see her like another sister, I’ve known her for most of her life. So of course I love her family and wanted to invite them. They are a big family, 6 total, and a plus one for the BM. The problem is though, that one of those 6 is an ex. I dated him in highschool, we had a really bad breakup (he cheated) and haven’t really talked much but there isn’t any animosity. But FI and I agreed a LOOONG time ago that there would be no exes at the wedding. I didn’t think this would be a problem at first because he wasn’t living at home, so I would just address the invite to those people living at the house. BUT he just moved home (again, hes 28!!) and will be there when the invite arrives. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to offend his family by inviting everyone except him, but they were all there for our breakup, they know what went down. My sister thinks it won’t be a big deal, but I think its important to address this before I send the invite so that it doesn’t come as a shock to anyone. FI is dead set on no exes. What would you do in this situation?
Post # 3
I would address it to who you want there and plead ignorance if it was ever called to question.
Post # 4
I think you should invite the people you want. If it does come up, I would just say that given the history between you two, you didn’t feel that it was appropriate to invite him to your wedding. You don’t want to make your husband-to-be uncomfortable either, especially when you agreed no exes! I’m sure most people will understand that.
Post # 5
Tough one. I do understand the ex-factor (that was high school, right? hardly counts anyway), but frankly I do think it would be rude to invite all members of a family except one person.
Post # 6
@RoundtreeBee: Well FI and I are HS sweethearts, so they do know each other, it’s not like he’d go unnoticed. I am worried it will appear rude though.
@RingPup: My dad said the same thing, he was supposed to be living in FL so it wouldn’t have been a big deal but my sister just let me know he just moved back home.
@dance: I’m hoping that’s how it will go, but I’m a worrier and I just can’t make myself mail the invite without knowing that it won’t piss off the whole family since I love them so much.
Post # 7
I’d talk with your bridesmaid too, just so she is up on the situation. And then I’d send the invite to the family, minus the ex, and see how it plays out. I’d assume that he would understand the reason his name is not included, and if they bring it up then I’d just tell them that with the history between you two it’s best to not invite him. It’s a little awkward, but less awkward than leaving them all out just to avoid a few sticky conversations.
ETA: If you’re close with them, you could always call the mom first before sending the invite, just for the heads up.
Post # 8
I don’t think it’s rude to not invite your ex, at all! Frankly, it would be rude to your future husband to include him. Address the invite to the family members you’d like to include, and leave it at that. If anyone asks, just explain you’re not inviting exes. Simple as that. They will totally get it. 🙂
Post # 9
If you are that close with the family I would talk to them about it. Given the situation I would think they’d easily understand.
Post # 10
My sister offered to talk to her mom about it, as she is more like their daughter than I am (she basically lives at their house). They all play WoW together and everything, and she said she’s really open and would probably understand. But of course I’m going to worry like crazy until I know for sure. I don’t think theyre the spiteful type but I just need to know because I hate hate drama. Thanks for making me feel better about it, I knew the Bee could go either way so its good to know what you girls think 🙂
Post # 11
That’s a tough situation ya got there! Mine is very similar, but much more complicated. My FI father decided to marry his ex’s mother. Yep, you heard it right!!! To me, its always going to be an awkward situation with my friends and family. So to avoid the drama, we’re just getting married away and its the best darn decision we made
Good luck on whatever you decide!!
Post # 12
I think you should play it safe and just invite the BM + 1. No parents, no ex. Too complicated. I don’t think the parents would mind – they’ll get it.
Post # 13
Even if you do invite the entire family and not him, is he the type of person that would just show up? If you are considering inviting the family excluding him, you should talk to the mother in person.To avoid stress and drama I would invite the BM and give her a +1