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Well, a wedding isn't a good time to reconnect with someone. If you want her to be there, invite her. This mutual friend is probably just appalled because you went to hers (although you were a last- minute add in).
You could always invite her, but she may choose to not attend. Whatever you feel is right is what you should do.
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She only invited you to her wedding to fill space. If her A list had all RSVPed yes, you wouldn't have even been at her wedding. You haven't seen her in 6 months. You're not close. I don't see why it's a debate. Don't invite her.
I wouldn't feel bad not inviting her. She only invited you because some space opened up and she probably felt indebted to you because you organized a bachelorette party for her. I think you can do the same - if you end up having the space for her, you can invite her but if not, I think she'll be understanding.
Huh, I am surprised everyone is against inviting her--that's what we've been leaning towards ourselves, but every real life friend of ours has sided with inviting her! Even with all the mitigating circumstances, folks think it's rude not to invite someone whose wedding I attended so recently. You guys are strengthening my case, at least!
Don't invite her unless you run into the same situation. If it makes you feel better, shoot her an email and explain that you hope she understands, but you are trying to keep your affair small, and since you have lost touch, you may not be able to invite her. I had initially invited (sent a STD) to a high school friend, and then we changed our wedding date (pushed it back a year), and I haven't talked to him as much recently, and we're also trying to cut our list down. I emailed him and told him the dilemma and much to my surprise he completely understood because he is going through the same guest list woes. She will likely understand, especially if you explain.
Also, I debated on not inviting a friend I'd lost touch with whose wedding I was IN two years ago. I am only inviting her because we were very close at the time I first started dating my fiance, and because of that, her friendship has significance for me and my fiance. I heard through a mutual friend that she is surprised that I am inviting her because she feels so bad that we have been so out of touch. I think you'd be surprised at home much people understand, especially those who know what it's like to deal with the infamous "shortening of the list."
Yikes! It's your wedding. Tell your friend to get over it.
*sorry* can you tell I'm fed up today with people telling me what I can and can't do with my guest list? haha
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We are in the process of finalizing our guest list, but I’ve got just one nagging issue that I can’t seem to figure out.
Let’s call my friend B. B. and I know each other through work. We’d only known each other for about 9 months when she got married. I think she’s awesome and really like her, and we hung out very occasionally outside work. I did organize a small work bachelorette for her, mostly because she couldn’t afford to invite us all to the wedding but we wanted a way to celebrate with her anyway.
So a few weeks before her wedding, B. finds that fewer people than expected are coming, and she offers us an invite. We weren’t expecting it at all, so we thought it was a sweet gesture and went and enjoyed ourselves a tonne. This was last June. Two weeks later, we got engaged ourselves.
By the end of the summer, B. had moved on to a different job across town. I think she’s awesome and I wish we were better friends, but the truth is that we both are busy and have our own lives, and we haven’t really pursued a friendship. I have seen her for maybe a total of 20 minutes since September. When we drew up our guest list last summer, she and her husband were, of course, on it. But now that we’ve pretty much lost touch, I’m not sure what to do!
On the one hand, she is not easily offended, and I think would not be upset if she were not invited. And it is unlikely that we’ll ever really be good friends. And we’re trying to keep our guest list small, and I feel like if I were to add a few people I’d rather add some closer friends that I was really bummed out not to invite. In addition, this friend is very very close with another former coworker who I’ve also lost touch with, and it would be really rude to invite one without the other. So if I commit to her, I’m committing to an extra 3-4 guests.
On the other hand, it seems to be pretty poor etiquette to not invite someone whose wedding I went to less than a year ago! And what really got to me was that I was going over the guestlist with a friend of mine who is also friends with her, and he was APPALLED at the idea of not inviting her. This is a dude who is normally very mild-mannered and never really objects to much, but he insisted to me that it would be extremely rude not to invite them, and so I found myself a bit stumped!
What would you do in this situation?