Post # 1
There is a such a long backstory, but for the sake of this I am going to just add specific details.
So my ex-boyfriend and I were together over 5 years, had a bad breakup because of things he did. Unfortunately I still see him at times, but thankfully not as often anymore 🙂 So I definitely do NOT want to invite him and his “wife” to our wedding…
The problem is he was a foster youth. And the family that took him in for the last couple years of high school was a family that I had always known and grown up with. I was best friends with their son (that is how my ex bf and I met), and I had known their daughter and the parents since I was around 7 or so.
The problem I have is that I want to invite his “parents”, “sister”, and “brother”… but I do not know how to go about doing it without looking rude or what….
Any advice??? Do I invite them, how do I ask them for their address, how do I word the invite, and what do I say if they ask if ex bf is invited..???
Post # 3
Is he still in regular contact with the family? Would it literally be like inviting everyone but him? I suppose it depends on the situation and how close everyone is.
I think it’s quite obvious the reason you are not inviting him and they know the background, and if they did say anything – just say that you didn’t feel comfortable having ex’s at the wedding. I think it’s a reasonable request.
Post # 5
@JMPacker: Yes, he is still in regular contact with the family. For all intents and purposes they treat him like a son (sorta); so yes it would be like inviting everyone but him. Which is why I would feel weird not inviting him, but I really do not want him their and I really want the family their (we knew each other longer than I had known him)… yeah that is what one of my friends have told me but everytime I go to send the request for addresses I feel guilty… thanks for the reply 🙂
Post # 7
Does he still live with them? If not, I don’t think it’s a problem. They know you dated & broke up. He knows what he did wrong. Don’t worry too much about it.
Had I gotten married before my mother died I would have had the same problem. I dated her best friend’s son for several years and had a bad breakup due to his behavior. My mom & his mom were best friends for 30 years and our families would go vacationing together. So… it would have been difficult. Still… since he moved out I would have had NO problem sending an invite to Mom’s BFF, Mr. BFF & Little brother BFF.
Post # 8
If someone is an adult I think its proper etiquette to send them their own separate invitation. My FI has a couple of cousins that are in college, but don’t live at home anymore, so we sent them separate invites from their parents’. I would just send it to the family and not include his name. Its not as if he is a minor living with his parents. I’m sure his family will also understand that he is one of your exs and this is your wedding.
Post # 9
@mm13: just invite the parents?
Post # 10
Honestly I wouldn’t. I was a foster youth also. Also had a supportive (kind of manipulative) relationship with an ex and his parents who I lived with for awhile.
While they supported me in many ways it just isn’t the time to deal with seeing these people…and it will undoubtedly bring up some emotions for everyone involved.
I heard nothing about ex’s engagement or wedding…except through mutual facebook friends…though his mom facebook friend requested me and leaves me crazy messages now and then. I know she cares a lot. But nope…for my own sake I am happy to move on to have people who are healthy, supportive, and without baggage on my wedding day.
I didn’t watch the ex’s wedding video because I’d just rather not know.
Post # 11
I get that it’s awkward but I’m sure everyone will understand. Espeically if he isn’t living with them. Just address it to them. It will be obvious why he isn’t invited.
Post # 12
@mm13: Invite them, and not him. I’m sure they and he will understand
Post # 13
@MexiPino: no he is not still living with them
Thank you to everyone who posted and gave me some ideas of how to handle this situation. I’ve also talked to my best friend (MOH), who knows the situation and family as well, and I think I am going to send the parents (along with sister and brother) an invite. If they ask I think I will just explain to them that it might be awkward (not just for me, but for him (the ex) as well). It has been overy 5 years since we dated so I don’t feel awkward around his family (just him lol), I guess I figure if they find it awkward then they just won’t come 🙂
Post # 14
I think your ex should understand if he is not invited. More importantly, he may feel uncomfortable even attending. I’m sure his SO other would! if you are close to the family, could you run it by them?
Post # 15
@mm13: good choice.
I didn’t invite my husband’s ex, even though everyone in our circile is really close with her, I even happen to like her, his parents are friendly with her etc.
It didn’t seem appropriate for the both of us, for her to be there, and she totally understood. No hard feelings!
Post # 16
(just invite the parents)
We had family friends growing up (the parents are still friends) but when making my wedding invite list I really only wanted to invite the older to (as they were the ones I played with as a kid and occasionally run into now) but together with my mom it wouldn’t be appropriate to leave the youngest daughter off, so we’re just invited the parents since my parents see them regularly.