Inviting children of guests

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

LarLa:  Here is the thing, you either invite them all or don’t invite them at all. You can’t pick and choose which guest will be allowed to bring their kids. Because this is what will happen, Person A’s family was invited but Person B’s family wasn’t, she is going to wonder why she wasn’t able to bring her kids. I know it sucks, but people will be annoyed and people will talk. 

We decided to not have kids at all with the exception of the flower girl and ring bearer. But that worked for us because all the parents that came were happy to leave their kids home for one night to be able to really let loose. 

Post # 3
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Adult children, regardless of where they live, should be considered in their own right.

Post # 4
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

LarLa:  I invited them all. Everyone who had kids and were a guest of mine got invited! I also gave every single person a guest. The more the merrier! Ha ha.

So far, not everyone is bringing their kids which is nice and helps with my guest count. I had to apply the same rule across the board and couldn’t say, “Oh, since you are travelling from CO, you can bring your kids but since you are coming from NH and are more ‘local,’ you cannot.”

 

Post # 5
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I don’t think it has to be all or nothing, but there has to be some sort of line.  I had a similar problem with my wedding and if there’s no line people either get offended or make assumptions.  We we were going to allow children of immediate family and that was it.  Then FMIL begged for the children of her friend to come.  Well then without inviting the teens/young adults of her other friends we would have pissed them off.  Actually, we didn’t invite them but they have decided to bring them anyway, and we didn’t say anything after they RSVP’s because we figured that was our fault for making an exception for one family anyway and didn’t want to cause issues. 

So my point is, I think if one cousin gets to bring kids, all cousins should get to bring kids.  Not worth the fight (because it will happen)

Post # 7
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

We couldn’t do all or nothing because my niece is my flower girl [6], and my cousin is an usher [12], they will be the only two kids there aside from my bm [17].

Post # 8
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

What does “they’re an adult” line mean?  If you mean price, that’s up to your venue.  We could only pay a children’s price up to 12; under 21 got a slight discount for no alcohol.  If you mean a separate invitation goes I don’t know what others would mark their cutoff at but we just simply sent one invitation if they were still living at home.  If you mean inviting them period I would still invite them if you’re inviting other cousins. 

I have some terrors coming to my wedding too; I feel you, but I guess we just have to suck it up.  Wish me luck!

Post # 9
Member
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

LarLa:  It’s all about drawing a consistant line.  If you are allowing kids of cousin A, you allow the kids of cousin B, but if none of your parent’s fiends kids get to come, then you don’t have to invite any of them.

In your case, with who you have invited, here is the line I would draw; All relative children (kids of cousins, and brothers and sisters) as well as the kids of the wedding party get to come. 

Post # 10
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It’s all or nothing. You invite all the kids or none of them. It’s either a no-kids wedding or it’s not.

Post # 11
Member
42453 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s definitely NOT “all or nothing”. As you have already said  money and space are not an issue, invite whomever you want but keep that line drawn in the sand, the same for everyone.

e.g If you invite children of one family member, you invite all family members’ children.

If you invite one friend’s children, you invite all friends’ children.

 

Post # 12
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I keep seeing this come up – why do people not want children at their wedding?  I love children… :/

Post # 13
Member
12 posts
Newbee

I have 7 kids, and our pastor and his wife are our best friends and they have 4. That’s 11 before any guests show up! We will have probably 25-30 kids and 80-100 adults. Kids make excellent wedding photo fare!!!

Post # 14
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

LarLa:  Bleh. I drew a line and said absolutely no kids. I can already feel it starting to cause a stink, but I have remained firm so far. My best friend will have a three year old by the time we get married and I toyed with the idea of having him as my ring bearer, but ultimately decided against it. I love that little boy dearly, but I want my friend to be able to come to our wedding and have fun and not have to worry about her son running around, etc. Another friend will have a two year old boy. My FI’s oldest brother will have a four and a one year old by the time of the wedding…Still, no kids allowed. (He’s not even close to this brother at all and doesn’t even really want to invite him, but I digress.) At this point, I don’t really care if there’s gossip or annoyance. Why no kids? I don’t like children. There is no way to sugar coat it. Every wedding I’ve been to that had kids I remember just being put off by them running around on the dance floor, causing their parents to be distracted or leave early, or just being a pain in the ass. We are having a small, intimate wedding free of kids–my absolute dream. I’ve already had a friend say her brother (who I am inviting because I am close to the whole family) probably won’t be able to attend because they won’t be able to find a babysitter…mind you, I’m getting married in a year and a half, so I’m so sure in a year and a half they couldn’t muster up a babysitter. If that’s how people are going to act, I’m fine with that. And the whole debate of “all or nothing” is why we firmly decided on no kids. I refuse to feel obligated to invite the three children of my cousin (of whom I’ve only seen a handful of times in my life) just because I may want my best friend’s baby (whose life I have been apart since hour three of his life) to be there. I fully recognize that all of this must make me sound like a terrible human being, but cutting out children eliminated thirty guests right off the bat. In an effort to keep our wedding small and intimate, we had to make sacrifices. 

I would probably say thirteen or older is fine to invite. I am inviting my fourteen year old cousin to our wedding. She’s an only child and pretty laidback, so I’m not really worried about her. Any adult children of family members should be invited. However, any children of people you don’t know very well should not be invited. For example, I am inviting my boss, but I am not inviting her sixteen year old son that I’ve only met once. 

Post # 15
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

julies1949:  If I attended the wedding after being told it was no-kids-allowed, and I made arrangements for my kids, I’d be pissed if I saw kids there and I’d say something to the obnoxious bride and groom who arbitrarily didn’t let me bring my kids but lets others bring theirs. Family or not, it doesn’t matter. It’s either a no-kids wedding, which is fine, or guests are allowed to bring their kids. An age cutoff, such as 13, is fine as well.

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