Post # 1
So far, FI and I have agreed on everything except for one thing. FI wants to invite all of his co-workers and I don’t. Here are the sides of the argument and Ill do my best to present his side.
FI Side: These are co-workers from his summer graduate internship/future job. its a small department and they are a close team. He will be the one new hire of the year after he graduates in may. He planned the proposal while he interned there and they were all very supportive. He feels it would be rude to not invite his future co-workers since they were involved in his proposal planning and he will be joining the team. he doesn’t want to start out his new job excluding his entire team by not inviting them. He also wants to just say no gifts please to avoid the awkwardness of having co-workers get us gifts. He also thinks that most of them won’t come since they are out of state and its just a nice gesture.
My Side: He has only known them for a few months and I’ve been at the same job for 3 year and I’m not invited my co-workers. We have worked really hard at the guest list and cut a lot of our friends out to make room for family politics so I’m bummed that 26 seats go to people he barely knows and I don’t know. And 1/2 of those 26 will be spouses that neither of us know. I only met his co-workers once for 2 mins. Also we are getting married in another state so I think we have an easy out. I think it puts them in an awkward position to say no and then buy a gift. I know they will buy us a gift even if we ask them not to. I think weddings are intimate affairs and the idea of his boss listening to intimate toasts, vows, my fi doing the garter toss makes me uncomfortable. I’m uncomfortable enough with the idea of his extended family but understand they have to be there. I’m also worried that just a few will come and where will we seat them, with great aunt mildred? I offered to set aside $500 from the wedding budget to throw a big house warming/engagement party and invite his co-workers so I could actually get to know them and its more casual but they are still involved.
What do we do? What are your thoughts on inviting co-workers and etiquette? Any helpful hints for what to do if we invite them?
Post # 3
I’m on your FI’s side. ETA, no helpful advice, I just think he’s right that they wont go and it will be a good way to start with his new coworkers.
Post # 4
i say invite co-workers only if you hang out with them outside of the office too (at more than just afterwork happy hours). fi can tell them you’re having a small wedding, and i’m sure they’ll understand.
Post # 5
has anyone else ran into this and could give some advice on how to handle inviting co-workers and what to do with them if they show to the wedding?
Post # 6
I’m on your side, but I see his point. He hasn’t been there for that long, so I would just invite his bosses and a few close co-workers. Weddings are expensive and a lot of times, you can’t afford to invite everyone. Plus, it is a lot easier for a guy to not invite his co-workers than the bride. Hardly anyone at my FI’s office asks him about wedding plans b/c most of them are men. But everybody at my job asks me about the plans!
My sister invited her whole office (13 plus their guests) to her wedding. 6 months later she quit her job after she found out that a few of the women were really catty and talked behind everyone’s back! She regrets inviting them to this day.
Post # 7
We only invited one co-worker and it just happened to be FI’s. They hadn’t known eachother for that long either about 3 months, but have really clicked and we now go out to dinner with the couple all the time. So I normally would say no, but we did in this situation.
Post # 8
Considering it is in another state, they will probably not come so why not invite them anyway? That way you atleast extended an invitation so there shouldn’t be any hard feelings.
We’re inviting both of our departments but that’s only because we work for the same company. I know his entire department and he knows mine. All of our co-workers know each other also, so they’ll have their own table all to themselves. Thankfully, including our co-workers isn’t totally breaking the bank since they only add 12 more people to our guest list (including their spouses) and seeing as how our wedding is on a Friday evening, I don’t know that they will all make it.
As far as workplace etiquette is concerned, I normally think it’s nice to extend an invitation to your boss as a sign of good faith but unless you are particularly close to your co-workers, it’s not necessary to invite them. However, you shouldn’t discuss your wedding at work if said co-workers will not be included.