Post # 1
Sorry for the long-winded post, but I just wanted some opinions on a discussion my SO and I were having about inviting co-workers.
I work in 2 very small departments at my theatre (one has 5 people + 3 who work along side us, the other has 11 people), and, for the most part, we’re all fairly close, with some major exceptions. I know there’s a bunch of them who expect they’ll be invited to my wedding (it’s sort of common knowledge that we would be having a large wedding) and there are many that I would like to invite, however there’s a few people I already know I’d rather not have, as I’m either not close to them, or we’ve had major issues for a long time. One department runs 7 days/week, the other 6 days, so I know that some of the people would need to work the day of my wedding anyway, so my FI suggested, when the time comes, just invite them all and make them work it out for themselves. However, another co-worker got married in November, and invited everyone to her reception, and left to everyone to work out for themselves, and I already know that people I’d rather have are the people more likely to work the shift so everyone else can enjoy themselves, and that one person I particularly would rather not have is most likely to insist she get the day off.
So, I guess my question is what’s the rest of the hive’s opinions on whether I should pick and choose on the sly, invite them all and run the risk of having people I don’t really want at my wedding, or not invite anyone, even though some are really good friends?
And that’s my thought of the day.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I think you should just invite the people you want there and ask them to keep it on the DL. The others will surely find out at some point, but ultimately everyone knows that only close friends get invited to weddings. The other idea of inviting everyone and having them work it out is good in theory (I think I’m doing this with my ~15 coworkers), but if you don’t think it will work out well in practice, better safe than sorry.
Post # 4
@pocketfox: Ugh… that’s a bit of a pickle!
I would probably ask the ones that you’re close to. If anyone has a problem with it, just say that like in every wedding, you have budget concerns. Even if it’s a big wedding, it has to be capped somewhere.
Unless you’re only excluding like 2-3 people of the bunch, I don’t see what’s so bad about asking the people who you’re closest with. I’d feel a bit weird if some of my coworkers invited me to their weddings.
That or don’t invite anyone. I think inviting them all would be the worst option since as you say, someone has to work so you’ll likely wind up with the wrong people at the wedding anyway.
Post # 5
If you invite more then just one person you should invite them all. Maybe give them a heads up so the ones you want can request time off first?
Post # 6
@RoyalLime: This isn’t a 5 yr olds bday party, she doesn’t have to invite the whole class! haha
OP – While I do see the logic in just inviting everyone, you don’t need to. It’s your wedding, and not everyone can be inviting. Could you try to keep it to just your small group? If not, I would pick and choose (but keep the number small) and ask everyone to please keep it on the DL. Also, speak with those you aren’t inviting – maybe not directly, but as a group say something like “The wedding list has grown because of my parents, I really don’t know how many friends I’ll be able to invite”.
Post # 7
@JrzyGurl: No it’s not. But if she wants to avoid drama, especially since it sounds like only one person would be left out, she should invite everyone….
Post # 8
Traditional formal etiquette presumes that ladies and gentlemen maintain a discreet separation between their business affairs and their social relationships. Co-workers are part of your business affairs. In their role as co-workers, they should not be invited to your social events: to do so is disrespectful to their perfectly proper role as business-people.
Of course, you may know people who are both colleagues, and also friends. These you should treat as co-workers in work situations, and as friends in social situations. If you are friends with people who are also co-workers, by all means invite them just as you would any other friend, to whit, with an invitation addressed to them in their own name, including their spouse if they have one, and sent to their own home address.
I am assuming that any such friends are mature and sophisticated ladies and gentlemen, who know better than to talk about their social calendar at work, and who have the common good manners to refrain from mentioning an invitation in front of people who might not have received an invitation. But if you, who know these people better than I do, harbour any doubts on that score you might want to meet them over coffee outside of work and remind them that polite people keep their social life circumspect while at work.
Post # 9
@pocketfox: I’d jsut invite the ones you are close to and leave off the others.