Weddingbee boards

So here's the story...I gave my mom the wedding guest list for my FI and I. I did note on the list each of the females names so she would have them for the shower. Well I invited 10 co-workers, 5 male and 5 female. For the shower she didn't just invite the females, but also invited the wives of my male co-workers. For example she invited Mrs. John Smith since she didn't have their names. The problem is I have never met their spouses! Will they be taken back by the fact that they received a shower invitation even though they don't know me?

I asked my mom about this when I saw the shower invite list, it isn't a surprise shower but she still wanted to host it and do all of the planning. She said she invited them because if I didn't then some of the male co-workers would assume they weren't invited to the wedding and when I invited them they would think it was an after thought. I guess this is what happened with her wedding.

Is this okay? Should I say anything to the male co-workers?

She sent them out on Saturday, I saw the list yesterday! Should I say something to my co-workers?

Ugg.  I think it would have been more appropriate to not invite them to the shower.  The shower is meant for close friends and relatives of the bride.  These gals you haven't met, might feel it's a little gift grabby to be invited to the shower.  As otb said, you don't have to invite everyone to the shower, that is being invited to the wedding.  And unless your wedding is very small, you probably shouldn't.

I don't know what the proper way of handling this, since the invitations have gone out.  But I think I would handle it by mentioning to the male coworkers, that there was a misunderstanding.  If going to the shower is something their wives would really enjoy, great.  But you didn't intend to put out ladies you've never met.   And you don't want them, in any way, to feel obligated to come to the shower.

I just feel like such an idiot and since it's already done there doesn't seem to be a point in fighting with her. I'll probably have to say something akwardly to my co-workers since I don't want them to think I am gift grabby.

Four of the guys will laugh it off and they are very easy to talk to. However, one of the guys is the GM. I invited him because he has helped me out a lot and gives me a lot of assitance with my boss (whole different issue) and I know he would be offended if I didn't invite him, but I feel really akward walking into his office and talking about this. Is it to chicken to send an email?

I agree that it is more than a little odd to invite women to the shower who have never met the bride or anyone else who will be there. The only somewhat "strange" people you usually see at a shower are any friends or coworkers that the bride's mom or groom's mom might want to invite, especially if they are hosting the shower.

Sorry that you are having to deal with this awkward situation, but I think the best way to handle it would be a casual conversation at work with each of the relevant male coworkers. Say "Hey, I don't know if your wife got her invitation to my bridal shower, I just wanted to let you know that of course she is completely welcome and we'd love to have her, but I didn't want her to feel any pressure to come if she'd feel uncomfortable about it." Unless you have a close friendship with the male coworkers, it's unlikely you'll be able to remove the pressure for them to get you a gift for the bridal shower, but at least you can communicate that the wives shouldn't feel like they have to go - without, of course, making it sound like you don't want them to go. Good luck.

Thanks girls! I know my mother meant well and she wants to make everything perfect.

I am actually pretty shy and hate confrontation... wish me luck. I have to now go talk to my co-workers and explain this misunderstanding.

I am a chicken so I sent an email. Most of them don't sit in their offices as they are on the production floor most of the time.

This is what I wrote:

"I don't know if your wife got her invitation to my bridal shower yet, but I just wanted to let you know that of course she is completely welcome and we'd love to have her, but I don't want her to feel any pressure to come if she'd feel uncomfortable about it. I had given my mother the guest list for the wedding and she used that to create the shower invites. She said she included everyone because she didn't want to offend anyone and have them feel like they were an afterthought when the wedding invitations were sent out. I didn't realize my mother was inviting all female spouses,but I'd love the chance to meet your wife however I completely understand if she doesn't want to come."

@aspasia475- Thanks! I know I took the chicken way out by sending an email, but I figured I could avoid the ackward situation. At least now they read my email and will know what is going on when they get their invites. They went out Sat so I assume they should get them today or tommorow.

@fanatic888- There are so many things that you don't address because you never think it will happen. I love the boards for this purposes.

That's an excellent email. I think you handled it really well. And hey, some of the wives might really want to meet you! So I think that's great. 

Update: I got my first reponse back from the emails I sent. 

"That is very sweet and I am honored to be on the wedding invitation guest list:-). I'll find out when I get back later this week about Michele."

As you can proabably tell I took everyone's responses and made them into and email so thank you for your help.