(Closed) inviting co-workers…but not their spouse?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

It is a MAJOR breach of ettiquette.  You can not split up married couples.  Since you have expressed your wishes previously there is a chance that they each will just RSVP to come without their husbands.. but you have to invite them.

Post # 4
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Its really tacky to invite someone but not invite their spouse.  

Post # 5
Member
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

definately dont do this…especially if you work with them everyday! its just not good etiquette

Post # 6
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I don’t think this is a good idea.  If I were invited to a co-worker’s wedding and my FI was not-I wouldn’t go.  I would kind of be offended.  You will have to work with these people so I suggest inviting their SO’s.

 

Edit-spouses

Post # 7
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My fiance was invited to a friends wedding, but I wasnt. I was honestly really offended but only because I thought we were all friends (obv not lol) Anyways, I think if you talked it over with them it might be ok, but I really would advise against it. Guys interpret things differently than girls so and they might be happy they dont have to go. 

Post # 8
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I understand where you are coming from, but I wouldn’t do it.  It’s just 2 more people (and they may not even come).

Post # 9
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Others may not agree with me – but here’s my two cents. My close girlfriend co-workers probably know more about my wedding than my non-co-worker girlfriends. They hear the ins and outs and daily frustrations at lunch. A couple even know some of the abstract budget woes.

That said, and I don’t know your relationship with your co-workers, but mine would definitely understand if I needed to ask them to come without spouses. Especially if they can come together. If you were only inviting one, and they didn’t know anyone else I’d say you had to invite the spouse. In this case, I think it’s fine not too. Especially since it’s been brought up in conversation previously. It even helps that it’s a Sunday afternoon event.

Post # 10
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

 Iagree that it isn’t a good idea.  I wonder if it’s possible too, that even having talked it over with these girls, they might have agreed and ot been honest that they were offended. 

If I was the spouse not invited I’d make a big stink,.  But like Honeybear said, husbands might not find it to be a big deal.  If Iwas the coworker, I “might” be OK going alone, having a coworker to go with.  But even so,I’d rahter  have my husband there.  Weddings are romantic.  And I’d like to share that with my guy.

And it’s bad kharma to have YOUR wedding, but separate another married couple.

Post # 11
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like you are having a tiny tiny wedding which your friends are well aware of…  While not inviting a spouse is a no-no…  In this case it sounds like the event is very intimate … (I’m guessing in the under 35 people total?) So it’s a little like inviting these girlfriends to the  shower.  Their husbands aren’t going to feel funny about not coming because for their wives it’s a girl thing…  It’s not a night out dancing without them but rather just a ceremony with drinks and cake in the afternoon … more like a pampered chef thing than a regular party.  Yes, you are having family and couples that will be there, but they are your family… and these girlfriends are just a bonus…   I don’t think you should feel bad, because it is such a small event… However if it were a larger event then I think it would be rude to not invite a spouse.

Post # 12
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree with MissBliss. I think because of the situation (afternoon wedding, intimate) you can get away with just inviting the two them if you talk to them ahead of time and they are comfortable coming together. It’s nice to give everyone a plus one but sometimes it just isn’t feasible.

Post # 13
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I wouldn’t advise inviting a married person without their spouse. There is a possibility that they will choose not to bring their husbands, but you should at least give them the option.

Post # 14
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am afraid to agree with the majority on this. It is one thing if they aren’t married and just dating. But it is something entirely different if they are married. You should try and make room for both couples, or you should cut the list more to afford it, that’s just my opinion.

Post # 15
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh gosh, this just happened to me.  I live abroad and am very close to too ladies in the office.  One is married to my manager and one is single.  I do not want my male manager at my wedding.  He is very quiet and we are not friends.  I struggled with what to do.  I intended to invite the single lady with a guest and hint for her to invite the married lady.  After doing this, the maried one was upset she didn’t get a save the date.  Ugh.  I wish I had just invited her and her husband and then hinted at the ladies just coming together.  At this point, I think I just ruined a friendship.  Awesome.  I have felt like crap all morning and my FI has nothing to say.

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