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I would say you have three choices:
1. Don't invite the +1, probably offending your BP
2. Invite the +1 and cut your relatives, definitely offending your relatives
2. Change the venue!! Sometimes you just have to admit that something won't work.
65 seems like A LOT for a rehearsal dinner. Shouldn't it just be the Bridal Party, Parents, Bride and Groom?
I'm not sure the "proper" thing to do in this situation, and I think it depends a lot on the individual personalities and logistics of those involved.
Will they feel bad that they do not get to bring their date? Could you say "only wedding party members" for the dinner then meet up for drinks with everyone? Is your wedding in a place where if their dates did not come, they would be stuck in a hotel room? How important is it to you and your fiance to invite these family members? Or these guests?
I...kind of agree with MightySapphire. 65 is huuuuuuuge in my book for a rehearsal. I guess I can understand if you're having a lot of out of town guests, though.
But you could always do just the BP and meet up later with the rest!
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the only time i'd say you HAVE to invite bridal party +1s to a rehearsal dinner is if they're out of town guests, and would be leaving their +1 at the hotel. otherwise family gets precedence.
I think the only time you have to extend the plus one for the rehearsal dinner is if rehearsal dinner guest is from out of town and so is their plus one.
As long as they don't have to travel to the wedding with their dates I think it's fine not to give them a +1.
However, if they are travelling to the wedding with a date- it would be crappy if they had to leave their date to fend for him/herself while they were at the rehearsal dinner.
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I was at a wedding recently where I wasn't invited to the RD, which was fine, but they had over 100 people and all the toasts happened that night. They didnt do any at the wedding the next day, and it seemed sorta weird.
We are having about 20 at rehersal dinner, and thats mostly family and our maid of honor and best man. We don't have bridal parties. I just really didn't want a repeat of the wedding the night before - wanted it to be special, and small.
I do think you DEFINITLY have invite guests, not even a question.
I have been the "+1" NOT invited to a rehearsal dinner when my FI was a best man. I went to the wedding the next day. I didn't think anything of not going to the rehearsal. I agree, though, that it might be different if we were coming from out of town.
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For our rehearsal dinner we are just doing immediate family and the bridal party plus their SOs. And thats already 25 people. We are not inviting any +1 for wedding cause most have SOs plus we can't afford that many people to come.
We're only doing plus ones if it's a spouse, fiance or SIGNIFICANT bf/gf. But, if space is your issue -- and you need to have all the family members there -- I think the plus ones should be cut from bottom up (bf/gf, then fiances and lastly, spouses).
Are you only inviting family who are assisting with the wedding to the RD? That's how we're handling it to keep the numbers down.
I agree with the pp who said you need to invite a plus one if the guest is from out of town. You don't want them sitting in the hotel all by themselves.
And to make you feel better, my RD will probably have abut 75 people, possibly more!
Personally, I say yes you need to invite the +1s to the rehearsal. Question for you on the "family" that you're inviting. How is your list getting up there? We are having a huge wedding and this is the rehearsal dinner guest list:
Bride & Groom (2)
Parents of Bride & Groom (4)
Grandparents (2) only two are still alive unfortunately
Bridal Party (14) yup 7 each!!!
Flower Girl (1)
Bridal Party Guests (14) We think that not all will end up bringing guests but we are giving them the option
God Parents (8)
That's 45. And we're inviting 275 to the wedding. Just be careful that you dont have a "second wedding" the night before the wedding -- you'll exhaust yourself.
Thank so much for your help. It looks like I am going to have to invite the guests. I was already planning on including any gf/bf, fiance, or spouse. I just dont want their flavor of the week showing up at my rehearsal dinner. All but two in the wedding party will be from the Dallas area so no problem there! All of the family is from out of town.
I know our dinner is too big, but I have 14 in the wedding party, plus 4 ushers, 3 house party, 2 flower girls and their parents, 6 parents, 2 grandparents, 2 brothers...the list goes on and on!
I need to get a fun picture next to my name!
bdee -- I totally get how the numbers add up.
Yes - definitely add an avatar!! Here's the link to how to do it -- http://www.weddingbee.com/2009/01/26/avatars-are-live/
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Hello ladies!
I am going back and forth about inviting "and guest" to our rehearsal dinner. We are having it at a really nice restaurant that only fits 65 people. If I invite the plus one for our single wedding party members I will have to delete some family members from the list - 12 of them!! Our entire wedding party is really close, so they will have no problem finding someone to talk to.
They will all have an "and guest" for the actual wedding. What do you think?