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Sounds like she's a friend of FI's and she's not a threat. 4 years seems like water under the bridge to me, so long as they were never serious. But truly, if it's a friend of FI's and he wants her there, invite her. If he doesn't want her there, or just really doesn't care, I wouldn't.
Thank you!
He could care less whether she is there or not. I would say it was semi-serious, she dropped the "L" word, but he never said if he did or not. From who she is and what I can piece together, it was a pretty sexual relationship, too, which does bother me pretty good.
The big thing I am worried about is conflict for the future. Although, if she is not a part of our lives, I don't care, but she is just friends with so many of our friends.
Grr!
Tough spot, do you think having her at the wedding will cause any issues that day. If not and you think she will make things in the future terrible when you are with friends, then invite her.
I personally wouldn't and would say we have a no ex rule at the wedding.
if he doesn't care about inviting her, then i don't see why you need her there.
If he doesn't care, and you are skeeved by her presence, then def. don't invite her!!!
If it was so long ago and for such a short time that they dated, I'm guessing her role is less of an ex now and more of a friend. It doesn't sound like she's a close friend at all though. So you said FI doesn't care if she's there, but that all her mutual friends will be there, and you're worried she'll throw a huge fit if you don't invite her. I would fall back on my golden rule of wedding planning - if you can avoid hurting someone's feelings, then do so. (Maybe in this case "hurting someone's feelings" should translate to "righteously enraging" them.) Will you really notice her presence at the wedding, among all the excitement and so many of your loved ones? I'm guessing probably not. But if you picture your wedding day and you do think that her presence in the room will dampen your mood even a little bit, then take a stand and don't invite her. I would think this would be different if FI actually considered her a quality person and good friend to be around, though.
I'm in the don't invite her group. It may be water under the bridge, but at the same time you don't want her drunk and telling everyone about what you understand was their sexual relationship. If she has a tendency to stab in the back, I'd leave it. If it makes her grouchy FI should tell her the "no ex" rule.
I obviously don't know the situation, and it sounds like it wasn't serious or anything, but I personally wouldn't have wanted one of my husband's exes at our wedding.
I think it's great that you're being pretty cool about it! I think, though, that if your FI doesn't care, then don't invite her.
I would say don't invite her. It seems like there is no reason to!
"He could care less whether she is there or not"
Don't invite her. I realize that she is friends with your friends but it doesn't really sound like she is friends with you or your FI. It would be one thing if he was pushing to invite her, then I would say to invite her and be done with it; but if he doesn't care if she's there or not, and it sounds like you certainly don't want to invite her, then don't.
It's your wedding. It's a time for you to celebrate your marriage with the people you want there, not to worry about if someone's going to throw a hissy fit for not receiving an invite. Because if she does, YOU won't look bad- everyone will understand why you didn't invite her- and SHE will look like a brat. If anyone asks, then you simply say that you didn't care to invite any "ex's" to the wedding. No one is going to find fault in that.
I'd say don't invite her because if you're thinking about it this much now there is no way you're going to be able to sit back and enjoy the wedding, without wondering what she might be doing or saying.
I would not invite her. I just wouldn't want anyone who my husband had a sexual relationship at my wedding.
It sounds to me like her past with your ex is only part of the issue. If she's a "total b*" and FI doesn't care whether she's there or not then don't invite her. You don't need negative, back-stabbing people at your wedding. And like Miss Root said, she's the one that will look bad if she says anything nasty.
I totally recommend the "no ex" rule the others have voiced... makes it a good way to not invite her without making it seem as if you are singling her out or that you have a problem with her, per se.
This girl do not NEED to be at YOUR wedding! I mean really, why should she be invited if neither of you care if she is? If she is a total B%$# and a back stabber and has been in a relationship in the past with your FI.... There is no ethical reason why she should get an invite. I don't see where you have a problem here... Now if there IS a reason she should be there, then that's when you should be concerned! You never know, this woman may be giving him secret looks or winking her eye at him or anything! Women can be so sneaky and if she can't be trusted, then don't trust her! A wedding is stress enough without the worries of an ex-fool hanging around!
Keep her away. Far away. We were in a situation very much like yours. I say keep it safeand keep her out of your life (your life and his are now with each other). In our case we thought that everything would be fine and its far from it. For your own sanity and possibly his. There is really no need to have her there especially if you know that she has that backstabbing quality in her. No matter how deep in her. Now matter if youve seen it first hand or not. Its there. Keep it away. Start off your marriage without exes and as a happy one. It doesnt matter if he loved her, just kinda said it, or never even thought it.
Do not invite her. I have been to TWO different weddings in the past 6 months where an ex was invited either directly or indirectly and started a whole mess of problems for the couple... the last wedding the girl was actually escorted out by my FH and 2 of his friends... Horrible for the Bride and Groom... Avoid it if you can.
I wouldnt invite her. If you think at all that she may put a damper on your day then for sure do not do it!
I doubt she'd cause a problem if she came, but if he doesn't care and you'd rather not have her, then don't invite her. The mutual friends will probably understand either way.
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Here's the deal:
My FI dated this girl for several months about 4 years ago.
She still hangs out in the same group of his friends and I've met her several times. She's alright, I don't dislike her, but I really don't want any of his ex-girlfriends at our wedding either.
However, we've had a couple of house parties and she's been there.
When it comes down to it, she's a total b*tch and will stab pretty much anyone in the back in an instant. (I've had some coversations with a few of her "close" friends). I am on her good side, so as of now, this is a non-issue.
I'm so afraid if we don't invite her she will throw a huge fit and it will be a big mess.
What do you think?