- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
Hi all — I’m fairly new to posting and hesitated because I know this will just turn into a venting post; but wouldn’t mind getting some feedback.
So husband and I got married just a few days ago and we are making plans for our official wedding later this year. I’ve had planning for a wedding in the back of my mind for a full year already and have aggressively saved for our wedding and lives together. So its very disappointing to me when I can’t make any decisions without having my MIL counter every move we make.
Background: This may sound very familiar to the Chinese brides/grooms who post here. Both husband and I are Chinese and we are paying for our entire wedding ourselves. I was also recently laid off so the money is tighter now that it’s no longer consistently flowing in. i feel like I have to use our funds wisely if we were to have the white wedding that I have been planning for about a year! But MIL is really, really starting to annoy me (and we haven’t even booked anything yet!)
I had asked husband to draft an invite list long long ago (before we got married); he finally did so last month. My list was very solid, so I started looking for venues that fit our budget and fit the number of guests (about 200). After searching high and low, and meeting with a few catering halls and caterers, I finally found the two that fits the bill. Husband loved the venue as well. BUT….
I told my husband to reconfirm the guest list and his MIL gave him a list of 100 relatives!!! OMG, I should not have been surprised but to invite 3rd cousins, and 3rd cousins’s children…
So I asked him to possibly cut down some distant cousins and children off the list, which he agreed we should do. But when he approached MIL about it, she flat out said no. All relatives must be invited or don’t bother having the wedding.
We also suggested to have separate receptions, one for all immediate family and friends…. and another simpler banquet for extended family and some of my immediate family only. NO to that too.
She also wanted to make sure we had a ‘good date’ for the wedding (chinese thing). I asked her to go through the calendar and so we picked one date but she later says that we can’t have the event during the same month as his brothers’ wedding. Can’t have any weddings in August either (bad month on the lunar calendar).
She had gripes about our having a white wedding rather than a banquet (because it was so much more expensive). My husband pushed back on the date and the type of event but he is going no where with her on the # of guests. And I am definitely not backing down on the venue. It is sooooo hard to find an affordable venue AND caterer AND have great feelings about them.
The other day, we went to two Chinese restaurants that catered banquets…. oh, oh… the experience was terrible. The banquet manager had ADD or something and couldn’t literally sit down for two minutes to discuss details. Then finally when she gave us her attention, she wouldn’t discuss the menu options at all — she just said, ‘pick a date; no point discussing if you don’t pick a date’. Then we went to another place…. a little better but it seemed like all business to these people. Totally uncaring about the fact that its a big event.
I don’t know what to do because my husband is in a very VERY tough position, he is the middle person.
I thought about doing the cocktail hour/sit down lunch early at the venue and THEN the same day, have the banquet. But this will mean that my time to go out and take outdoor photos will be cut down and we will be in doors for most of it day…. I just feel so sad about this.
I have been a total b*tch to my husband too. Sorry about the lengthy post.