(Closed) Inviting extended family

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m not sure that there is a PROPER protocol to follow but in my opinion, I think you should do whatever you, your fiance and your immediate families can agree on.  If its too much to invite people that aren’t in your day to day lives then I’d say not to invite them.  Some people may not like this answer but I just don’t see the point of inviting people that you don’t see often just because they’re technically related. 

Post # 4
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think it starts to get tricky with big families who to and not to invite… not to mention the kid factor!  It also depends on how your family is.  Will the invited aunts/uncles be offended their kids weren’t invited?  In most cases, I’d think the answer would be yes.  

I think you might need to invite them and hope the not-so close ones aren’t able to make it!

Post # 5
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I think you should do what you, your FI, and your parents think is right.  I don’t think that people should get invites just because they’re related by blood.  I didn’t invite my mom’s side of the family (except my grandparents, and that was just bc she told me I had to) because I have no relationship with them whatsoever and don’t expect one in the future.  Many of them I havne’t even seen since I was a little kid.  So it was easy for me.

Its one thing if you’re trying to keep the wedding as small as possible, then I think it’s more acceptable to not invite relatives that you don’t know well.  But it is a really tough call. 

Post # 6
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I have a huge family too – most are out of state.  My fiance and I decided to just invite our immediate family and close friends to our wedding.  Since we are paying for our wedding ourselves, there’s no way we could afford to invite everyone without going into major debt right off the bat. 

I plan to mail wedding announcements the day after my wedding to everyone who was not invited.

Post # 7
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Only you can decide that. It’s your wedding so invite whomever you are closest to and don’t invite anyone you don’t want there. Just because someone is related by blood doesn’t entitle them to an invite unless you want them to attend. Also, some people are very close to their extended families while others aren’t.

Post # 8
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’d definitely say No. I also have a huge family (40-some cousins combined) and really, I couldn’t ID half of them in a line up.

The BF and I have discussed and my mother agrees, that we’re only going to invite those that we’ve talked to in the past five years and support us in our marriage.  I want the wedding to be all of the friends and family that have supported us getting to that spot and will continue to do so after the fact.  Sadly, I’ve always lived far from my extended family and have only maintained relationships with a one aunt and three cousins.  C’est la vie, weddings are too expensive to invite everyone. 

Good luck, I know its tough, but at the end of your wedding day, will you even notice if they were there?  If not, then I’d vote to not invite.  🙂

Post # 9
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We had this problem with FI’s family.  My family is fairly small, but his is huge.  My parents are paying for our wedding and FI’s family wanted to invite 350 people.  Um no.  For his side we cut it off at first cousins and their parents only.  We are also only inviting + guest for the children (cousins) if they are in a serious relationship and over 24 or so or if they are married (obviously).  We also are having a second reception near their home since we live 2500 miles from them (although my family is here) and don’t expect many of the ones we did invite to even show. 

Post # 10
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We’re having this same issue with my huge Irish family!  I hate ‘playing favorites’ but can’t invite ALL the cousins.  It’s like an all-or-nothing thing…..might not invite any cousins, which stinks.

Post # 11
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Definitely only invite the people that you would miss if they’re not there. In today’s world, EVERYONE understands how expensive a wedding is and unless the person is my best friend or a family member that I see more than twice a year, I don’t expect an invite. My very good friend at work is getting married next june and I told her not to feel like she had to invite me even though all we do at work is talk about her wedding. If they don’t understand, it doesn’t matter because you won’t be seeing them any time soon. You’ll be too busy being married!!!

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