Inviting family member to your wedding that did not invite you?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t think people should invite others based off of whether they got an invite or not. I think you invite who you want to be there, budget permitting.

Post # 3
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You invite who you want to be there, regardless if you were invited to their wedding.

Post # 4
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

GFerg:  This. There were plenty of people who invited us to their weddings and we did not invite to ours.  And vice versa. 

Post # 5
145 posts
Blushing bee

FutureMrsW2015:  If you’re close to any of them and want them at yours, invite them.  If not, then don’t.  There’s no etiquette stating that you have to invite them just because they’re family just as there’s no etiquette saying that you have invite someone because they came to yours and vice versa. 

This problem usually comes from the parents who think this is proper but in my eyes, I’m inviting who I want and I honestly don’t want three of my uncles at my wedding… Family drama and I just know that it’ll erupt at my wedding which I don’t want.  My grandma may be upset but I’ll just talk to her and explain my reasoning. 

Bottom line – my wedding, my choice!

Post # 7
3656 posts
Sugar bee

FutureMrsW2015:  I probably wouldn’t invite them. And that answer is based on the assumption that they did not have small weddings and I am on a budget, or chose a smaller venue.

My two daughters were married within the last 18 months. Some of our relatives were invited to both weddings, some to the 1st one only, and some to the 2nd one only. Our decisions were based on venue size and location of the venue and guest. One was 45 minutes south from where we live and the other 1.25 hours northwest; in some cases, those who lived closest to each got the invitation to that locale.  

And the uncle/aunt who didn’t even have the courtesy to RSVP to the first invitation, or even send a congratulatory e-mail, we didn’t consider, for one second, to put them on the guestlist, for the 2nd wedding.

Post # 8
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

To me, this is kind of a tough one. In my case, I’ve had family not invite me to weddings, but invite my parents. I’m not bothered by this since they did think about my parents, they just didn’t want to include the whole family, and they weren’t close relatives. Maybe second cousins or something along those lines, so I wasn’t offended. If I had an aunt who excluded me, I would be upset, especially if other cousins/relatives were invited. 

We’re in the process of finalizing our guest list, and we have to cut a lot of people because we wrote down a lot since we didn’t want to miss anyone. A lot of the people being cut are people who didn’t invite us to their wedding or another big event. But again, most of these people aren’t close family, so it’s not really a big deal. We’re also having a B list, so there’s still a chance they will be invited based off of how many “no’s” we get. 

If I were in your situation and had an aunt who didn’t invite me, but invited other family, I would be torn. On one hand, I wouldn’t want to invite her, just to prove a point (if I’m not important enough to share your day with you, then you’re not important to me). But on the other hand, I may want to invite her because maybe she’d feel guilty about not inviting me to her wedding and regret her decision. It would make me the bigger person, but like I said, it depends on the relationship you’ve had with her thus far. 

Maybe you can have her on a B list (if you’re planning on having one at all) and take it from there. Or maybe just think about whether her presence there would really make or break your day. If you feel like she should be there, send an invite. But if you feel like her presence isn’t necessary, then don’t. Hopefully it’ll all work itself out. 

Post # 9
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

It really depends,

I have a cousin who got married a while ago who invited me to hers and she won’t be invited to mine

I think you should invite based on who you want there.. if you could care less about them celebrating with you they shouldn’t be on your list..

Weddings cant always be 100% reciprocal due to budget, size and many other variables.

Post # 10
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Nope i wouldnt invite them.


Post # 11
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

FutureMrsW2015:  If they’re not close to you, which is doesn’t sound like they are, I wouldn’t invite them. I don’t think it will cause family drama. Who’s going to make a big deal about not being invited to your wedding right after they just got married and didn’t invite you?

Post # 12
716 posts
Busy bee

I have some acquaintances that I had on my very first draft guest list, but then it occurred to me that they didn’t invite me to their weddings and I asked myself why I was valuing their friendship more highly than they valued mine and I removed them from the list. 

The problem in your case is that family is more connected.  I think this is really a judgement call that only you can make, knowing the dynamics of your family.  You can invite and allow people to accept or decline as they wish or you can restrict to those most important to you.  In an event, I do not think that you are obligated to invite family members that didn’t view you as important enough to them to receive an invitation.

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  jamb.
Post # 13
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’ve got friends I don’t see often who I would love to have at my wedding but who didn’t invite me to theres.  Sure I was a little hurt.  So what I did was bump them to another list – in my case, they all got bumped to my third list.  If we get to that list, they get an invite.  If we don’t, they don’t. Its pretty simple to me.

Family however, I just invited them all.  I know full well most most be able to come because its an our of town wedding.

Post # 14
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think it’s relevant if you were invited to their wedding.

You need to decide what’s right for you. Which is probably what they did too. Is your wedding first and foremost gonna be about two families coming together? Invite them. Is your reception gonna focus on living it up, drinking&dancing with your friends? Maybe don’t invite them.

It’s really about where you want your focus to be. Weddings can be an opportunity to mend fences. If you let these grudges get the better of you now, you’ll likely never repair your feelings towards these people. At least give them to opportunity to make things right.

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