Inviting FH child's mother to wedding, WHAT?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

His friends are crazy.

Post # 4
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Agreed, his friend is nuts. And naive. No need to invite her, I wouldn’t!

 

Post # 5
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think that’s odd, but I also think it’s odd to name a 5 year old as MOH.

Post # 6
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

…wut. Why in the world would you invite her?

Also, 100% sure it’s his kid? I feel gross saying that, but what are the chances that it’s his? TBH, the first thing I’d do is get a DNA test to make sure that this one night stand with a stranger produced a kid that was mine.

Post # 7
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would see what FI thinks! If it won’t start a fight if he doesn’t invite her, I wouldn’t invite her.

Post # 8
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Eh no. I wouldn’t invite her, but I think she could question the sort of “care” you have set up for her for the night, even if it is exceptional care…she is still the girls’ mother, but if you don’t think she will make a big deal about it then it is a non-issue.

Post # 9
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think you have to invite her. The child is too young to be left to whoever’s around that will look after her, and her father is going to be very busy— too busy to be looking after a five-year-old.  Your having “people” isn’t a substitute for a parent who will be properly responsible for the child. Plus, like it or not, this woman will be in your lives for the next 13 years, so you might as well be the bigger person and put your own feelings aside, and do what is in the best interest of the child.

Post # 11
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If you had wanted to invite her, I wouldn’t call you crazy.  Certain families can work out that way and it’s one big happy family.

 

But there is absolutely no reason you should feel you have to do so given your guys’ specific situation!

Post # 12
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@tickertock:  First of all, sorry to hear about this situation.  This sounds very complicated but its your situation and if you want to marry this man his child and her mother will always be in your life, like it or not.

Who would be watching this girl?  You and your FI will be busy getting married, perhaps it is easier to have her there as a baby sitter?  And yes, it probably would be nice for her to see her daughter dressed up.

I can see both ways-maybe you want to invite her or maybe you don’t and its your day so you get to do what you want.  But it could be quite the mature move on your part to extend the olive branch and ensure that you will let your step daughter see you making nice with her mother. 

Post # 13
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

No you don’t have to invite her. I would only if he was actually friends with her. My Cousin invited his ex because they get along for real for the most part, and because it was his daughters first time being flower girl, and the bonus part is that she would take the kids home after.It was fine.

 

In this case I would say no don’t invite her, if she wants to see her daughter she could come early and see her dress up.

 

Post # 14
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d let your DH decide.  She’s gonna be in your lives for the rest of yours so you might as well reach out an olive branch.  I don’t know why you think it’s so ridiculous to invite her.  They have a kid together, it’d prob be nice if you could be buddy buddies becasue you’re gonna be co-mothers.

Post # 15
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Horseradish:  All of the child’s paternal side of the family will be there I imagine. 

Father,grandmother,grandfather,uncles,aunts,cousins…

Surely of all those people one of them can look after her?!? 

Children can be looked after by someone other than a parent. 

Most people have to leave their children in daycare from a very young age and the children seem to be fine.

I was 2 when my parents got married and on the day of the wedding was a bridesmaid. My godparents were in charge of me and I was fine all the day, so I’m sure the child will be fine for a day in the care of whichever family member is in charge of her.

OP I’m sure the mother of the child doesn’t want to be there. It would probably just be very uncomfortable for everyone.

there is really no need for you to invite her.

Post # 16
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@vorpalette:  +1, that was my first thought. Cynical minds think alike, lol.

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