Post # 1
So I’m going dress shopping two weeks from tomorrow and I’m wondering if I should invite my future mother-in-law to go with. I have been with my fiance for 7 years (since high school) but I am still not very close to his family for a varitey of reasons. BUT I really want to use this engagement/wedding to try to get closer to his family and create some good realationships. Anyways, I have some reservations because I am already bringing a large crowd my 3 sisters (ages 22, 19,17), my mom and my grandma. Although I know adding just one more wouldn’t make that big of a difference, I’m more worried about aquwardness. I’m not close to her at all, and my family DEFINIATELY is not closer to her, and may have some negative feelings about her. So I’m worried that she’ll either feel left out of the appointment. I’m sure my family will be nice and talk to her, but I’m still a little worried about the aquwardness.
Have any of you had a similar situation? Any advice?
Post # 3
Bring her! I went dress shopping with my mom, grandmother, aunt, Maid/Matron of Honor, Future Mother-In-Law, and Future Sister-In-Law. I even invited Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law to stay with my parents for the weekend in PA since they live up near Boston, so we made the trip down to PA together. It was great we all got to be together all weekend and Future Mother-In-Law was absolutely thrilled to be there when I found the dress! Our parents had only met once before, and everyone got along great and I had no problems having so many people with me dress shopping. So I say go for it.. I’m sure Future Mother-In-Law will be so excited!
Post # 4
I invited my Future Mother-In-Law, but it was a small group of people (just me, her and one other family member). Even if you say they don’t know each other too well, going dress shopping together could be a great way for them to warm up to each other and bond over something wedding related. She will probably appreciate that you want to include her.
Post # 5
Absolutely!!! She will be really touched.
I invited my Future Mother-In-Law and we had a great time.
Post # 6
I say go ahead and invite her. If my Future Mother-In-Law lived in the same state, I would have forsure invited her.
Post # 7
My Mother-In-Law went with me a couple of times. I was already pretty close to their family by then though, and his niece stood up in the wedding. So, I had Mother-In-Law, SIL and 2 of DH’s nieces there, and my best friend. It was a nice bonding time and they really appreciated being a part of it.
Maybe you can do a seperate shopping trip with her inculded. Make it a smaller crowd that would be less awkward?
Post # 8
I voted no, but that’s just because my Future Mother-In-Law and I don’t get along too well. 😉 Good luck with whichever you choose!
Post # 9
I wouldn’t invite her. Trying on dresses was such a special and personal time between me, my mom, and grandma. It’s soemthing I’ll always remember and I would not want anyone there that wasn’t one of the closest people to me.
Post # 10
Ask your Mom how she feels about it. She may want it to be just a time for your family to be together, and might resent it.
Post # 11
I say bring her! Like you said, one more person won’t make a huge difference, and this seems like a great opportunity to start building that relationship. I’m sure it will mean a lot to hear to be invited along.
Post # 12
This is why I went by myself. LOL! Then I invited my mom only to my fittings. I did go shopping with Future Mother-In-Law for HER dress though.
Post # 13
Fiance and I have been together for 6 years. We met in middle school and our parents are neighbors, but they do not know each other well or have said more than a simple hello over the 20+ years of being neighbors and 6 years of us dating.
I invited my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law to go dress shopping with my mom, sister, and Maid/Matron of Honor. It was a great bonding experience for my Future Mother-In-Law and I as well as my Future Mother-In-Law and my mom. They found a common topic: us and the wedding. Two people who never had anything in common before now had topics to talk about that they were passionate about. The spent the majority of the appointment disccusing what THEY were going to wear and would glance up at me and give me thumbs up or thumbs down. LOL. I ended up buying a dress that day that everyone loved and my Future Mother-In-Law takes credit for helping pick out the dress. It has definitely brough us closer together.
Post # 14
I think you should definately include her, but this doesnt have to be it. Maybe once you pick out your dress (or narrow it down to 2 or 3) you could go back with her and your mom to show them to her.
There are lots of opportunities to include her, this doesnt have to be one of them
Post # 15
I would invite her. I went with my mom, sister, and Future Mother-In-Law and we all had a great time. The day we bought my dress it was just my mom and my Future Mother-In-Law and as of now they are the only two who know what my dress looks like. 🙂
Post # 16
@jpmorgan: I invited my Future Mother-In-Law shopping with me. My situation was a little different in that she was the only person to go with me. She is retired and doesn’t live that far away and since it was during the week, nobody else was available. She was great and tried not to influence my decision in anyway. She said she had seen too many horrible people on SYTTD. She was very touched that I invited her, since she only has 2 sons and would never experience this otherwise. It meant a lot to her and Future Father-In-Law and even led to them offering to cover the alcohol cost for the wedding. That was obviously not my intention in asking her, but it was a nice bonus and alleviated some pressure for Fiance and I in trying to budget for the alcohol.
Of couse, your situation is different and only you know your Future Mother-In-Law well enough to judge whether you want her there. If you do not think she will cause a problem, I would invite her because it might mean a lot to her and it will hopefully allow your relationship with her to grow.