(Closed) Inviting +Guest Etiquette Question

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
8697 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@BrookeBQ:  I dont think it’s a rude question. I think you will get answers on both sides of the fence for this one. For me, I would say bite it and just invite him +1 but I know many others will say the opposite.

Do what you feel is best bc this is one of those situations where there isnt really a “right” answer given the full situation.

Post # 4
Hostess
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Because she’s a long-time girlfriend and obviously important to him, I would invite her. It’d be pretty rude to ask her boyfriend to be a groomsmen, but she’d have to stay home. It’d be one thing if they’d only been together for a few months that’d be one thing, but it sounds like this is longer? 

 

Post # 5
Member
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

If they’re living together or have been together for over a year I say invite her. He’s an important part of your guy’s life, and she’s an important part of his. It’s rude to not invite her. As far as having to cut family, do you really want all of your cousins there anyways? We’re having a small wedding of 45-60 people but we’re still able to invite all of our immediate family and a few good friends and their guests.

Post # 7
Hostess
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@BrookeBQ:  See that’s different. When you said long term gf, I figured it was serious and they were like on the verge of getting engaged, that whole schpeel. That’d be different. 

IE, one of FI’s stand in groomsmen (he’s not REALLY have gms…don’t ask, it’s weird) has this gf who frankly, well, I hate. They’ve been together 8 years and it’s funny because the GM doesn’t really like her either. Again, don’t ask, haha. ANYWAY, we’re still inviting her just because we don’t want to be rude. But they live together and such and also have a daughter together. 

I would talk to the groomsmen and ask how he would feel, honestly. It seems like about the only way to really go about this situation? Good luck honey!

PS, isn’t it sad we guage relationships by Facebook now? LOL! 

Post # 8
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We’re having the same discussion here. Inviting the long term partner is as important as the person who is close to FI in my opinion. There was never any question that she wouldn’t be invited.

Post # 10
Member
8315 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Well it is over a year to your wedding so why not get to know her? If she is the partner of your FI’s friend who is close enough to be a groomsmen I don’t understand why you wouldn’t get to know her. She is part of your FI’s close friends life and friends are supposed to share their lives.

 

Post # 11
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m not sure what the right call is, but please don’t base it on whether they are “FB official”.  I have been married for over a year and am still not linked to my husband in FB.

Post # 12
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Etiquette requires that you invite the significant others of guests who are married, engaged, or living together (because etiquette presumes couples who are living together are secretly married.)

From what you’ve written, the couple does not live together and is not engaged.  Therefore, you do not have a social obligation to invite the girlfriend of your potential groomsman.

Post # 13
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

The groomsman should get a +1. He’s an honored guest since he has a place in the bridal party. Treat him like one.

Post # 14
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Since your wedding is still over a year out, I’d say that the best thing to do would be to take the next year and get to know this girl. Then, she will be your friend, too, and he will be a groomsman and everyone will be happy

Post # 15
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We are having a small wedding too.  We had a big dinner with all the groomsmen when we were visiting CA and got to meet all the girlfriends.  Then we facebooked them and now we’re getting to know them from afar.  But it makes it more comfortable knowing it’s a group of people we DO know.  You still have time to get to know her and figure out where you stand. 

Post # 16
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@BrookeBQ:  If this girlfriend is a “long term girlfriend” in the sense of being a girl, with whom he goes to dinners and theater regularly and takes out dancing and to the cinema, without being in a long-term socially-recognized commitment such as marriage or engagement — nor in a socially acknowledged common-law marriage whether legally recognized or not; nor in asocially acknowledged exclusive long-term committed non-cohabiting relationship equivalent to a de-facto betrothal — then no, formal etiquette does not in fact require that you invite the lady.

But I have noticed that the quaint usage of “girlfriend” has gone by the board, so I am guessing that this long term girlfriend is in fact an equivalent-to-spouse, whom etiquette does require you to invite if you invite her “boyfriend”. But as you are trying to keep your wedding celebration small, you have a perfectly acceptable solution that you have already considered: just do not in fact include the boyfriend, either. After all, if you haven’t ever met his nearest and dearest love despite the fact that he has loved her long term, he can hardly be a regular member of your intimate social circle either, can he?

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