(Closed) Inviting guest only to part of the wedding

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I guess the concern for me would be that the guests invited to the dinner reception don’t mention it to the guests that are only invited for dessert. If guests invited to the dessert only reception find out there was a full dinner for some guests, that might cause some to feel second best. Before having two separate receptions I would just have a dessert reception for everyone…that’s just me though.

Post # 4
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

It’s rude to invite people to only the ceremony or the reception but not both. If you want everyone there, cut back somewhere so that you can afford to invite everyone to both events. If that means cake and coffee at a non-meal time, that is what you do. Also, you cannot have dinner for a select group followed by dessert for everyone. If you invite them to the ceremony but can’t afford to feed them dinner, you can’t send them away while a select group eats and then ask them to come back for dessert.

Post # 5
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t mean to be harsh, but if your guests felt like they were on the b-list, it’s because that’s the message you have given them.  The only way to avoid that is to invite them to the whole thing (and cut back in other areas to fund it), or not invite them at all.  Most people will understand that you can’t invite everyone to your wedding, but what they won’t be understanding about is being put on an obvious b-list.  That makes people feel insulted and like they were only invited for the gift (even though that clearly isn’t your intention!) Please either find a way to include these people in the whole wedding, or don’t invite them at all.  Otherwise you risk insulting them and putting your friendships in jeopardy…

 

edit: Why not push the ceremony back to a later time and just do a dessert reception for everyone?  That can be really elegant and nice!

Post # 6
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with greenleaf in pushing back your reception and doing only a dessert reception.

Doing it the way you mentioned, there is really no way to make your guests not feel like they are being b-listed.  I think it would be pretty obvious that there was a dinner prior.

You could also just do a small dinner with family/close friends and then have an after party to celebrate with a wider selection of guests at a different location. 

Post # 7
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Can you do the dessert reception first? Then you could invite everyone to the ceremony and reception but you could have your dinner later at a different location with the smaller group.

Or maybe have dinner and dessert for the smaller group and an after party to invite other people to – then it would seem less like a wedding and more like a party and you could still celebrate with them. I would probably send different invites for this and make it less formal, then I think people would understand that you’re having a smaller wedding.

Post # 8
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think it’s important when planning a wedding to first decide what size wedding to have. Second, figure out how much money you have, and then figure out what style of wedding you can have based on the # of people you want to invite and the amount of money you have.

If you really want all those people to be there, then you really have to invite them to the wedding and reception. Either decide to have a smaller wedding and don’t invite them, or trim costs by having a simpler reception (dessert and champagne, for example) and invite everyone.

If you don’t want people to feel B-list, then you can’t put them on the B-list…

Post # 9
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you have a B list for your wedding guests, there’s no way to keep them from feeling like they’re on the B list, because that’s what they are.  This is a major breach of etiquette.  Etiquette exists so that we know how to behave to make other people comfortable.  There are just so many opportunities that this creates that makes guests feel uncomfortable.  What if dinner ends up taking longer than you think it will and your dessert guests show up before it ends?  They’d feel left out, and your dinner guests might feel guilty and uncomfortable.

Either scale back your entire guest list so that you can feed everyone you choose to invite, or scale back your idea for the reception.  Why not just have a dessert reception?  A previous bee did this… Mrs. Blueberry I think? and it turned out well, and she kept to a pretty decent budget!  The best way to make all of your guests feel comfortable is to treat them all exactly the same.

Post # 10
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

People are much more intelligent than they are given credit for. For some unknown reason, folks planning weddings think that their otherwise intelligent guests lose all braincells while the wedding is being planned and thus do not know how to act properly at any time. It’s ridiculous but people seriously believe it. Folks will find out they are on a B list even if you do everything you can to hide it and it’s not their fault if they get upset upon finding out.

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