Post # 1
We are less than 2 months from our wedding, and sending out invitations now. My question is about sending invitations to guests who we didn’t ask to “save the date.”
Our wedding is on the East Coast, where we live. I have a very small family that lives halfway across the country, a handful of friends I’ve stayed close with who live in other parts of the country, and several different groups of friends where I live. I basically planned to invite only my family and closest friends to the wedding.
I told my mom she had free rein to invite whoever she wanted to…but she delayed a long time in sending me her list, and now it looks like we have a lot more “room” in our guest list (only a few of her close friends are able to make the trip).
We didn’t send paper STDs – we sent an email STD announcement to everyone we planned to invite several months ago. So does it look tacky if I invite a few more friends who aren’t in my closest inner circle, who weren’t told they were invited, but who I really like and care about? Do I need to send them a personal message in addition to the invitation since they weren’t expecting to be invited? Anyone have experience with this? Thank you 🙂
Post # 3
I thought save the dates were basically so people could reserve hotels and transportation and stuff. They’re not necessary. So don’t worry about it.
Post # 4
we added a bunch to our invite list later that didn’t receive save-the-dates early on. I think its fine.
Post # 5
thank you for the reassurance…now I just have to get over the “inviting some people from a group of friends and not the whole group” anxiety…but it feels so good to have a stack of invitations ready to drop at the post office 🙂
Post # 6
We didn’t send STDs to everybody on the guest list. We had a few people who we wern’t 100% sure about and (I never said this…) some people who we don’t really want to come, but have to invite didn’t get a STD.
Post # 7
we only sent stds to people we knew we could 100% invite…but we had a seperate list of maybes… i dont think there is anything wrong with it.
Post # 8
i think it will be fine if you sent them invites. it has only been the last 4-5 years that i’ve seen std’s being used and not everyone uses them.
Post # 9
Lol, call me a bit of an Etiquette Snob (everyone else does)…
Be assured there is absolutely NO PROBLEM with this…
Save the Dates (STD) are a relatively NEW thing so, so they don’t have a lot of required etiquette associated with them…
The RULE is, that a Written Invitation actually is what takes presidence… so no problem inviting someone who didn’t previously get a STD beforehand.
Key things though to keep in mind… when Inviting someone who is clearly on the B-List is
1- Make sure they are not aware of that
2- Mailed out formal Invites should still be in-tune with whatever dates are printed on your RSVP Info
3- IF for some reason you are in a position to add on even extra people, 2 Weeks or less before the printed RSVP Reply Dates, then they should be VERY close friends and you should extend the Invite vocally… by a one-on-one conversation… “Hey we’ve found ourself in a situation where we’ve had quite a few family members say they cannot attend, so now we can open it up to friends… of course we are asking our closest friends knowing that you understand… we’d love you to join us… what do you think”
Friends will most likely reply in person, or by phone, email, fax or personal note. Last Minute Invites should most definitely include a PLUS ONE for their Guest / Escort. And a copy of the Invite (without the RSVP Card) should be given to them as a reference point (keepsake) of the event and relative pertinent details.
Hope this helps,
Post # 10
thanks so much for all the advice!!! I feel a lot less anxious now 🙂
Post # 11
I dont think everyone uses save the dates now so I thinking just sending an invite would be fine
Post # 11
My wife and I are currently on the receiving end of this situation.
The daughter of a 1st cousin sent out “save the date” cards but not to us. How did we find out? We’re all Facebook friends and “others” started cooing about receive their S-T-D cards.
Recently, the mother of the bride mentioned in a phone call about looking forward to seeing us at the wedding… but we don’t even know if we’re being invited or not! It was a very awkward conversation; we didn’t mention our “lack of getting a save the date card”. We always thought we were close to the mother-of-the-bribe’s family and we’re certainly NOT strangers or unfriendly with the bride.
In the end, we’re upset that either
1) We’re not getting invited to the wedding or
2) We’re on the B-list when we thought we were on the A-list
So, my advice to brides reading this posting is to show your “save the date” recipient list to your parents to ensure you’re not insulting relatives.
Post # 12
I don’t see a problem with doing this at all. We haven’t got our STDs yet (that’s one of the next projects!) but have a few people that we are still wondering whether to invite or not – they most likely won’t receive a STD but may still receive a wedding invite. When my FSIL got married they only sent STDs to guests that would have to travel to attend. This was just to let them know the date as soon as possible so that they could start looking into accommodation, flights, getting time off work, etc.
Post # 13
birdy3dogs: are you sure this is what happened? I only ask because this just happened to us as a misunderstanding. My fiance’s mom sent us the addresses for her extended family, I assumed they were correct because I really have no way (or time) to check them and I asked her specifically if she knew them to be current and correct. Turned out one was wrong and that person was hurt that they didn’t receive a save the date when that was not our intention.
Not saying that it’s not possible that they intentionally didn’t send you one, but maybe it was a misunderstanding.
Post # 14
penguinwapi: birdy3dogs: Same thing happened to us! The guest actually asked us about it otherwise we wouldn’t have known!
ETA: they only asked after we said something about how we hoped to see them there so it wasn’t rude.