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inviting her ex-fiance?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
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    1.
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    Helper bee
    Miss Damask    January 10, 2010   Fort Worth, Texas

    I'm working on the invitations for our wedding, and I've come across a dilemma. When i sent out the save the dates, one of my friends/a member of my house party was engaged, living with her BF and I was a bridesmaid for her wedding next year. Since I sent the save the date with both of their names addressed(probably a faux pas... oops), about a month ago they have called off the wedding, broken up and he's moved out. So the dilemma-- do I invite them both to our january wedding?

     

    I am thinking if so, it'd have to be separately. I was friends with her first and foremost and my fiance is friends with them bc of me. So I don't want her to be uncomfortable with him there and I am fine with it if he doesn't come, so maybe I shouldn't send him an invitation.

     

    However... they might get back together sometime in the future--it's definitely a possibility on both sides. If so... I would have excluded him... and I was supposed to be in their wedding.

    Thoughts?

     
    2.
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    Bee Keeper
    lilyfaith    June 23, 2012   Lakeview, Chicago

    Can you talk to her about it, see how she feels? 

     
    3.
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    Helper bee
    Miss Sequoia    May 21, 2011   Berkeley, CA

    I would invite her and not him; I think he'll understand if they end up getting back together. If they were divorced, you would do the same unless he was also a good friend of yours (and even then you might not). If you do invite him, I wouldn't seat them together.

    Two cents in :)

     
    4.
    3,234 posts
    Sugar bee
    Kittyachi    August 2010   New York

    I agree - see how your friend feels about it. I think that since you were obviously her friend first, her ex would understand not being invited even though he got the STD. I can't see her wanting him there, though.

     
    5.
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    Bumble bee
    Mrs. Louboutin    July 2010  

    If she is a member of your bridal party, don't invite the ex-fiance.  I can't imagine anthing worse than having to go to a wedding knowing mine was recently called off and seeing my ex-fiance there.  Drama could ensue coupled with the libations during the night.  On top of that, she is probably going to be pretty depressed (although I'm sure she will not show it) because of what happened and seeing her ex-fiance could only make it that much worse.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    vintage2010    April 10, 2010  

    I agree talk to her and see what she thinks.  The last thing you want is to hurt her more by inviting someone who may or may not matter to you.

     
    7.
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    Bee Keeper
    oracle    October 23, 2010   Los Angeles

    Don't invite the ex-fiance.  

     
    8.
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    Bumble bee
    cheerful    September 2009 - eloped  

    I'd err towards not inviting him, but ask your BM first.

     
    9.
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    Bumble bee
    eryepye    March 27, 2010   Seattle, married in Portland

    I agree with the bees here, don't invite him.  You originally were inviting him because he was a date to your friend; now he's not.  The only way I'd consider it is if she really wants you to for some reason, although if they called off a wedding I can imagine she'd just as soon not see him there. 

     
    10.
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    Bee
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    Beekeeper
    spaniel    March 2010   Los Angeles, CA

    I would ask her, but no; you're not obligated to invite her ex-fiance (it was not a faux pas to put both of their names on the invite if you were inviting them as a couple). It seems like he was being invited as her guest, not on his own otherwise, so you don't need to send him an invitation also unless (1) your closer friend is comfortable, and/or (2) you wanted to invite him anyway.

     
    11.
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    Bumble bee
    mountain.bride    December 12, 2009   Australia

    I wouldn't invite him as it sounds like he was her guest, really. I had a similar problem recently when one of our GMs broke up with his girlfriend. Her name was on the invitation and I also invited her to my hen's so she would be able to meet some other people, but she rang the other night to say she wouldn't come to the wedding. To be honest I was very surprised - it hadn't occurred to me she would still consider herself an invited guest! She still wants to come to the hen's though, which of course I'm happy with. Check with your BM but I'm sure she'll agree he doesn't need to be invited :)

     
    12.
    Hostess
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    Buzzing
    Beekeeper
    daydreamwanderer       DC

    are you friends with him outside of your friendship with her?

    If you were friends before they started dating, or are still really good friends with him now that they're not together, I would say invite him, but let her know ahead of time.

    If you're just worried about breaching etiquette concerning his name on the STD, don't worry abou it -- it's probably the last thing on his mind, if he's even aware of the etiquette rule there.

     
    13.
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    Helper bee
    sunshinebride    July 30, 2010   California

    do you have the budget to invite her plus one?  that way if they get back together, he could be her plus one.  if they don't, she could bring someone else, or nobody.

     
    14.
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    Helper bee
    Miss Damask    January 10, 2010   Fort Worth, Texas

    Thanks for the advice ladies! I e-mailed her and asked her what she wanted me to do. She said to either leave him on the invite or say "and guest" because she is staying positive. I think I'll do "and guest" just to be safe--that way she can bring him or a friend if she wants. I don't think he'll mind. He understands I was friends with her before they met and we're friends with him through her.

    Thanks again! Who knew invitations could be a sticky situation!

     
    15.
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    Buzzing bee
    texasmeredith      

    Talk to your friend and see what she says.

    I'm guessing she wouldn't want him invited to the wedding unless they get back together.

     

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