Post # 1
Quick background, PenguinGuy is in the Navy. His immediate supervisor is the ChEng, ChEng’s boss is the XO and the CO is the boss of everyone on the ship.
So PenguinGuy is very adamant about not inviting his CO and XO (essentially his boss’ bosses) to our wedding in August despite wanting to invite the ChEng. While a part of me understands ”why” at this point (his XO is brand new to the ship and so PenguinGuy really doesn’t know him and the current CO will be leaving the ship about a month before the wedding so he won’t even be PenguinGuy’s CO at the time) I was also under the impression that etiquette says that we should invite his CO and XO, especially if we are inviting the ChEng.
To add another layer of fun to the issue, I am friends with the CO’s wife. She was a huge help to me during this last deployment and is a wonderful woman. I would love to have her at the wedding but understand that since they are moving a month earlier that they most likely won’t come, but I still want to invite her! Inviting her though also means inviting her husband and so right now I can’t even add her to the list because of PenguinGuy’s desire to not invite the CO.
What would you Bees do?
Post # 3
I don’t think you are obligated to invite CO and XO. I would, however, talk to FI about why inviting CO’s wife is so important to you. It does seem that it wouldn’t matter if you invite CO & wife or not, since they’ll be gone…. I’d save the argument and not invite them.
Post # 4
If he is adamant about not inviting his bosses, why are you pushing this? Because of etiquette? Military stuff is different–your FI probably doesn’t want to have to act formal around his military bosses. There’s a type of decorum involved in this. I know inviting any of DH’s bosses at the time (Dh was the XO to give you an idea), it would have been a buzz kill. Just invite the ChEng if you want to because, after all, you are friends with his wife. But, i think it IS pointless if you konw they won’t come! We didn’t bother inviting ANY of DH’s military buddies (even the guys he was deployed with) b/c he said “they can’t make it anyways, i don’t want to make them feel like they need to buy us a gift due to an invitation”.
I would not invite any of them! Inviting her DOES mean inviting her husband, but does not mean inviting anyone else.
I dunno, having the Commanding Officer at your wedding is a big deal. Respect your husband’s wishes…it’s not the same as a manager or executive manager at a regular company.