Post # 1
So PenguinGuy is very adamant about not inviting his CO and XO to our wedding in August. While a part of me understands ”why” at this point (his XO is brand new to the ship and so PenguinGuy really doesn’t know him and the current CO will be leaving the ship about a month before the wedding so he won’t even be PenguinGuy’s CO at the time) I was also under the impression that etiquette says that we should invite his CO and XO.
To add another layer of fun to the issue, I am friends with the CO’s wife. She was a huge help to me during this last deployment and is a wonderful woman. I would love to have her at the wedding but understand that since they are PCSing a month earlier that the most likely won’t come, but I still want to invite her! Inviting her though also means inviting her husband and so right now I can’t even add her to the list because of PenguinGuy’s desire to not invite the CO.
What would you Bees do?
Post # 3
sorry, maybe it’s just too early in the morning for me, but what are CO and XO?
Post # 4
CO is commanding officer and XO is executive officer, the two highest ranking people on the ship.
Post # 5
My husband just reported to his ship in Norfolk, VA- I see your husband’s point, but I would definitley reconsider inviting the CO, especially if you are friendly with his wife. Even though they are PCSing I’m fairly certain his CO’s wife would appreciate the thought 🙂
Post # 6
Invite the old ones.. and if they say no they say no. Its the thought that counts and tell your FH this. Dont however feel obligated to invite the XO. He doesnt know you both so it wont bother him if they didnt get an invite 🙂
Post # 7
I would respect your FI’s wishes. My Fiance is USAF and he was adamant not to include anything having to do with the military. It’s his job, and he wants to get away from it when he can. Observing all the etiquette associated with ranks and such can be a hassle sometimes.
Post # 8
@zippylef, I would agree with you 100% except for the fact that he is doing NOTHING to separate the military from our wedding. He and those of his groomsmen who are in the Navy will be in their uniforms, his shipmates that are going to be there will be doing the sword arch, and many of the other officers are already on the invitation list. It confuses me.
Despite my continuing confusion, I am probably going to concede this point to him. I just wish I could invite my friend to the wedding without making him uncomfortable. Sigh.
Post # 9
I said this over on your other post…..I’ll copy it over here:
If he is adamant about not inviting his bosses, why are you pushing this? Because of etiquette? Military stuff is different–your Fiance probably doesn’t want to have to act formal around his military bosses. There’s a type of decorum involved in this. I know inviting any of DH’s bosses at the time (Dh was the XO to give you an idea), it would have been a buzz kill. Just invite the ChEng if you want to because, after all, you are friends with his wife. But, i think it IS pointless if you know they won’t come! We didn’t bother inviting ANY of DH’s military buddies (even the guys he was deployed with) b/c he said “they can’t make it anyways, i don’t want to make them feel like they need to buy us a gift due to an invitation”.
I would not invite any of them! Inviting her DOES mean inviting her husband, but does not mean inviting anyone else.
I dunno, having the Commanding Officer at your wedding is a big deal. Respect your husband’s wishes…it’s not the same as a manager or executive manager at a regular company.
Having the CO there would be very uncomfortable. You have to follow decorum in uniform and i imagine all the guys IN uniform will probably be on edge a little with their big time bossman right there. You can still have a military wedding yet not want your CO there.
Post # 10
@ejs, After having read your response to my post in the other forum, I did reach my decision, which can be seen the in the above post. I had actually forgotten that I had originally posted this question on this forum! However, when I saw that people had responded, I elected to post my decision, which up until that point I had not mentioned to anyone.
I will, however, give my response again as it is becoming patent that I must not have been very clear earlier. I would dearly love to invite my friend to the wedding, however, I want my future husband to be as comfortable as possible and as such I am respecting his desire to not have his ex-CO at the wedding. In short, despite my friendship with her, they shall not receive an invitation. I do apologize for any lack of clarity in the aforementioned post.
I do ask that those who read my posts understand that I am not some sort of egotistical ogre who would rather have some big shot at the wedding than have her groom and guests feel comfortable. My dilemma simply stemmed from the fact that I want my friend to be invited and did not realize that my Fiance would have such a negative reaction, especially since he was the one encouraging me to cultivate that particular friendship by telling me how wonderful she was. He was right too! lol