Post # 1
Okay bees, here is the deal :
My MIL remarried 2 years to a guy my SO and I like : he’s a nice guy and all.
He has 3 grown-up kids : 1 he doesn’t see anymore, 1 who is a total nutcase (stole from my MIL’s purse) and the last one is nice but we don’t hang out whatsoever.
Anyway, my MIL called my fiancé and told him that her husband was really disappointed that we didn’t invite his kids ?
WTH ? Am I overreacting ?We never see his kids, well, except for like Christmas day and maybe my MIL’s birthday but that’s about it.
They’re coming to visit next week and my MIL said that her husband wants to talk to us about the wole situation… o_O SO and I already agreed that we won’t change our mind : we’re having a self-financed wedding on a $3,000 budget… :-/
Are we in the wrong ? I need to mention that his kids don’t even live with them anymore. They all live with their SO.
I’m mad at his reaction but at the same time, I feel like I’m doing something wrong…
Please help ? 🙁
Post # 3
It’s tricky because I can see both sides here. I understand why you didn’t invite them — you barely know them and hardly see them. But I also understand why your FMIL’s husband is upset. Even though the branches of the family tree are a little twisty here, he is part of your FI’s family, and therefore, so are his kids.
Do you think they’ll attend if invited? How much extra would it cost to invite them? How many guests did you invite and how many are you hoping will attend?
It may be worth it to at least consider inviting them in order to avoid family drama. Especially because you may get some “no” RSVPs that you didn’t expect.
I know it’s tough. Hang in there!
Post # 4
@FrenchyPeedee: Of course not. As the host/hostess you get to set the guest list and can leave people off for whatever reason what so ever.
Why would you invite people you do not know. It sounds like step father in law isn’t even in contact with at least one kid. Why should you bridge the gap, that he can’t/won’t.
Post # 5
@Gemstone: I agree that it’s tricky. They may be adults and your FI may not see them this way – but technically these people are his step-siblings. I’m in agreement that no one truly has say over your guest list, but it does seem a bit off to exclude them.
Post # 6
Thank you girls for your opinion.
I really do not know what to do. I think we can at least talk about it but I feel like I’m being pushed into something we do not want.
My SO don’t have any particular bond with them so he’s pretty ticked off by his reaction but at the same time, I feel like we’re being rude for not inviting them.
It just seems weird to invite people I barely know though when we’re counting every single penny for this wedding…
Tricky tricky… 🙁
Post # 7
@FrenchyPeedee: I agree that it’s difficult. While your wedding is primarily about you and your FI, don’t forget that this is an important day for the rest of your family, too. I don’t think they mean any harm…they’re just excited and want the whole family to be included.
Go into your talk with an open mind. Ultimately, it’s up to you. I would just recommend weighing whether not inviting people you don’t really know is worth the potential family heartache that comes with it. I don’t know your family or family dynamics, so this is really your call!
Post # 8
@Gemstone: Thanks a lot for your input. I think we’re going to talk it out calmly and see what our options are.
I really don’t want him to feel upset or mad at us so we need to figure something out.
I did calm down after posting my first message because I was fuming when I got home ! lol
They’re coming on March 7th, I’ll let you know how it goes !
Thank you for your support, it means a lot ! <3
Post # 9
@FrenchyPeedee: I don’t blame you. Dealing with family and dealing with the guest list are two of the hardest parts of wedding planning. Good luck, and keep us updated!!!
Post # 10
I can see where this could be a problem. I would invite them if the MIL/SFIL are willing to contribute to the budget. IF they aren’t just play the …. we’ve paid for everything and we can’t swing it.
Post # 11
@Gemstone: Definately ! I mean, people say it and I found it hard to believe that those were the two hardest things to deal with but they truly are ! lol
I’ll be sure to keep you girls updated ! That’s the least I can do after getting honest opinions ! 🙂
Post # 12
We have the exact same situation except that neither Fi or I have met the stepkids
Post # 13
You need to sit down and figure out how much it would cost to invite these 3 adults (I’m assuming with a guest each, so total of 6.)
Then just tell stepdad he can pay that if he wants them to come….
Post # 14
@Mrscdnnavywife: That’s a tricky one as well 🙁 Do they expect you to invite them ?
@JaneyDcat: That’s what I’m doing right now (well along with chatting with you girls ! ;-)) and I actually considered reminding him that we’re financing our wedding ourselves…
Post # 15
@FrenchyPeedee: I have no idea, Fi doesnt want to sice we are already over the guest list. I feel bad not inviting them since my step siblings are invited but i am very close with them, bit i dont want to go behing Fi’s back and invite them. I also dont want to ask my Fmil and make my FI look like the bad guy
Post # 16
For what it’s worth, my SO has 4 adult (like mid 30’s) step brothers that came along with his mother’s husband of 8 years. 2 of them no longer have a relationship with their father and the last time my SO saw them was at his mom and his stepfather’s wedding. The other 2 visit a few times a year. My SO asked me the other day if we should invite the 2 we see and I told him that I assumed we would. There’s no bad blood, simply unfamiliarity and I know his stepfather would really love if we included them. He agreed, but like you guys, sort of shook his head at the idea of hosting people we don’t really know. However, we may be coming from a different perspective as I am a stepparent to his son, and we really place an importance on including bonus family members.