Post # 1
Here’s an awkward situation that I need to address on mother’s day…
My mother has been dating an awful man for the last 6 years. He is terrible. Not only is he emotionally abusive of my siblings, my mother, and myself, he also doesn’t take care of himself (shower, brush teeth, etc.). The man constantly insults and threatens my siblings and myself. I want nothing to do with him.
However, my mother, for whatever reason, is absolutely in love with this man and refuses to attend events, dinners, etc. if he isn’t invited. This creates a bad situation with my upcoming wedding. We will be married in August, and I want this man nowhere near my wedding ceremony. I do not want him in my photos, I do not want him sitting in the front row, I do not want to even look out and see his face. It would put such a dark cloud over what should be a beautiful day.
Not inviting him won’t do any good because my mother will still try to bring him along. How can I ensure that this man does not enter my wedding/reception, and that I don’t have to deal with him on my wedding day?
Post # 2
mrspadilla: Realistically, you can’t. You can simply choose to go about your wedding day focussing on those people who do mean something to you and avoid stressing yourself out about something over which you have no control.
Post # 3
As the mother of the bride, your mother has the place of honored guest and should be allowed to bring the escort of her choice. Plan the seating so you’re not seated with your mom for dinner, and have the photographer get enough posed and candid shots without the boyfriend that it won’t matter if he’s pictured in some of the rest. Remind yourself that your wedding day is about all your friends and family, not just about you (otherwise, no one would have receptions and we’d all get married in private) and don’t lose sight of how much it means to your mother to have him there. It’s so ething you’ll need to do for your mom, even if you don’t like it.
Post # 4
Horseradish: When it comes to abuse and violence and the threat of violence, normal rules of etiquette don’t apply.
OP – if your mother’s SO is merely obnoxious, then you really probably need to just suck it up and let him come.<br /><br />On the other hand, if he’s legitimately abusive and violent then you don’t. Tell your mother he’s not invited and if she should bring him he’ll be asked to leave. This may be a situation where you have to choose between having your mother at your wedding or not.
Post # 5
I would choose to not invite the abusive boyfriend, but do so knowing that your mom will not attend. If you want your mom to be there, you have to expect him to come.
Post # 6
If you’ve allowed him to come to other events in the past, to choose to suddenly stop extending an invitation at a wedding is a very dramatic place to draw the line. If his behaviour is abominable, it should have been made clear years ago that he is not welcome, regardless of your mother’s tantrums. To do so now is a bit delayed and can’t be done without serious fallout.
Post # 7
I have never allowed him in any of my past events, but my mother chooses to bring him without my consent and he always ruins special occasions, such as my college graduation. He is legitimately horrible, not just rude or annoying. He has threatened me and my little brothers, and he insults and tears down the people around him. My brother has taken out a protective order against him, but because of a situation where we thought he was moving away, he cancelled the order.
It is to the point that I would rather my mother not attend than have him there. I would rather cancel the wedding than have to spend an evening with a man I hate so much. This is intolerable to me. However, being unable to afford to hire security for the wedding, I can’t think of a single way to keep the man out. I think he will show up, invited or not. I’m sincerely dreading this day because I do not want to have him in the same room with me, let alone at my wedding.