Post # 1
My mother and sisters are hosting my bridal shower however I am working on it alot as well. We have a limited guest list for the wedding which has been eaten up by my big Cuban family, my FH’s law firm and family and a few friends. There are many of our mutual friends we cant invite b/c we have a budget and a limit and just cant. I cant include them in my count b/c I ate up all my invites with family and only have three girlfriends coming and my fiancee is paying for everything – so he had a little more leeway on his invites (altohugh I went crazy when he went over his initial allowance, which we agreed upon of 30 people) for our original 60 person count – which is now uped to 80. Anyways, my bridal shower is at a family friends home & not an extreme cost. There are many of my mom’s friends who know they arent invited to the wedding but would love to attend the bridal shower.
I have thrown the idea out there to some of my friends (mutual friends of FH & I) to attend the bridal shower although they arent wedding invites – everyone knows we are on a budget and a super limited guest list. My fiancee’s a partner at a law firm and just with his partners & their wives its 20 people – and he cant invite one and not the others – he’s been there 13 years. Anyways, I have gotten mixed reviews from girlfriends regarding inviting them to the bridal shower although they arent invited to the wedding. Yes, I have friends from different ethinicity – including Hispanic and Caucasian. Being Hispanic myself, I see nothing wrong with it; however, many of my caucasian girlfriends have shunned the idea & said I shouldnt invite peopel to the bridal shower who arent invited to the wedding.
Everyone knows I am not paying for the wedding, we are on a budget; however, i want to share at least one wedding event with them. I even told them dont bring a gift I just want to share the moment with them. What is everyone’s feel on this?
Being that FH & I are different backgrounds ( I’m Cuban-American and he’s an Irish Texas boy who transplanted to South Florida 19 years ago) we both are a bit clueless when it comes to etiquette to please the masses.
I have even received a warning email from one of our mutual friends saying "save yourself the ill-will" by the inviting nonwedding invitees to the bridal shower.
Post # 3
Usually it’s not a good or nice idea to invite people to a bridal shower that aren’t being invited to the wedding. Maybe you could hold a party sometime after the wedding to celebrate with those who you can’t invite to the wedding itself? It would be a great way to celebrate your first anniversay, yes?
Post # 4
Definitely don’t do it. It may come off like you are fishing for gifts. I like the idea of having some sort of party after the actual wedding where you are free to invite whomever you want without worrying about head count. The 1st anniversary thing is a great idea. But, yeah, the general rule – which I personally think is a good one – is that you can’t invite anyone to the shower or bachelorette who isn’t being invited to the wedding.
Post # 5
I also agree that it tends to be agains etiquite to invite people to the shower that aren’t invited to a wedding. Holding a lunch or other get together with them before the wedding, or a party afterward like chianti said would be a good idea though!
Post # 6
Thanks for the advice ladies. Hopefully we will buy a home in the months or year following the wedding so we’ll have a big party then & make sure everyone’s included.
Post # 7
I think it’s also pretty telling, that when you asked some of them, they seemed to be less than thrilled. It sounds like they might be hurt that they aren’t invited to the wedding.
Post # 8
I would have to agree with the other ladies and say it’s perfectly fine to want to have a more inclusive celebration with these people, but I would create a wholly separate event. A shower isn’t JUST presents, it’s also a meet-and-greet opportunity to your wedding guests. Honestly, think about people chit-chatting about wedding details, expressing their excitement about the big day, in front of someone who isn’t invited. It doesn’t really matter what the reason is–it still wouldn’t feel good to be the one not invited and have to be present for that sort of stuff.
It really is a shame that you guys aren’t able to invite many of your mutual friends–those are the people who spend the most time with the two of you as a couple I assume, and they’re the ones who will hopefully be around to support you as you grow as a couple through the years. I would throw a fun BBQ or themed party after the wedding–serve great drinks, food, maybe even have a running slideshow of your wedding portraits playing on a TV or laptop somewhere.