Weddingbee boards

Hi everyone! I’ve just started planning my wedding for late 2012 and have been reading the boards a lot but this is my first post. As I rough out a guest list there is something I’m struggling with and I hope you all can give me some perspective.

First, I admit that one of my major character flaws is I’m not good at keeping in touch with people. I’m an introvert with low social needs and I’m basically content to catch up with people infrequently. For my friends who are local it’s easier because we make regular “dates” to catch up over dinner/drinks, but that’s not possible with old friends who live in different states. There are a couple I feel I haven’t connected with as often as I should and a few I flat out haven’t talked to in years. Maybe it’s silly for me to even call the latter “friends” at this point but these people are still important to me and I really do want to reestablish contact with them. (Of course not staying in touch is a two-way street, but certainly I haven’t done my part.)

I should add that I’m not on Facebook...just never had an interest, which puts me far out of the mainstream in today’s social networking climate. (I’m in my early 30s, FYI.)

So...I’m planning a destination wedding (in the U.S.), so the guest list will naturally be smaller...no co-workers and things like that. I don’t know what to do about these old friends I’ve sort of lost touch with, some of whose weddings I attended years ago. I feel like just sending them a save-the-date card out of the blue would be weird, but it would also be kind of silly to pretend like I just thought to get in touch with them for no particular reason when I happen to be putting together a guest list for my wedding. I should point out that these old friends all live in different parts of the country so the fact that it's a destination wedding doesn't make it more inconvenient for them to attend than it would be otherwise.

I’m thinking of calling/emailing them and saying basically, “It’s crazy we haven’t talked in so long...starting to plan my wedding has made me think about old friends I’ve lost touch with, and the importance of not letting people you care about slip out of your life” (or words to that effect)...basically being honest about the fact that the wedding thing is a catalyst for getting back in touch. And then (assuming they are receptive) inviting them. I just hate the thought that if I do get back in touch with them down the line (after the wedding), it’ll be like, “Oh by the way I got married (and didn’t invite you!)”.

Have you been in this position from either the side of the bride wondering whether to reach out to old friends or the old friend who has been reached out to? Or maybe you’ve been the old friend who wasn’t invited and felt hurt (or just fine)? Thanks so much for your thoughts and experiences!

Thanks for your thoughts everyone! The people I'm thinking of are the types that you can not talk to for a couple years and then pick right back up. They're not people I've grown apart from - just people I've fallen out of touch with, if that distinction makes sense. I will definitely not be inviting old ("former" is probably a better word) friends I grew apart from after college and have no desire to reconnect with. Only people I hope to continue to have a relationship with in the long-term.

It's a good point that you don't get much chance to socialize with people at your own wedding, so it's not the ideal place to reconnect. I guess I'm struggling with the feeling that not reaching out/inviting them will be a sort of "nail in the coffin" that confirms we aren't really friends anymore when I would still like to be. Weddings sure do stir up a lot of issues!!