Post # 1
FI and I have been going over our guest list lately and trying to decide who to invite. Our minimum is 140 people and we’d like to keep it there since our wedding is costing us a fortune and were paying for it ourselves.
The problem is that I have been working at my job for over 2 1/2 years and am very friendly with a lot of my co workers. I work on a hospital unit, so there are about 20 -ish rns, 15 aides and 3 secretaries and my boss and asst. boss. When Fi and were writing our list, based on our budget it seems like i can only invite about 10 coworkers, which is actually ok bc thats the amount that I actually have seen outside of work and truely like. A co worker mentioned that i should invite our boss, but I really dont want to b/c she is brand new as well and I would feel uncomfortable having her there during a personal time.
I feel so guilty though b/c get along with everyone so well and i do like most of my coworkers, but there are some that i really would never want to have at my wedding and i cannot financially afford to invite all to be fair. Everyone is pretty close on my floor and constantly asks me about my wedding plans and seem genuinely happy for me. I am afraid if I only invite some that it will offend others and I dont want them to feel unimportant.
*I should mention that i work every other weekend, so i actually booked our wedding date on my weekend off, so my thoughts are that I can only invite those people who share my weekend off too. Maybe if I tell people that they wont get so offended?, even though there are a couple nurses and my asst. boss (who i love)the opposite weekend that i would love to have as well.
Has anyone ever dealt with this before?
Post # 3
If you know some of the people you would like to invite have to work, why not invite them anyway so they know you didn’t leave them out and count on them not being able to make it. Maybe even say something along the lines of I’d love to have you there but I understand the work schedueling, just didn’s want to leave you out. This way they don’t feel slighted and you already know they can’t come unless there is a way for them to switch their schedule. I invited all of my co-workers (we’re a small team of 8) and a date knowing that the chances of any of them traveling to our wedding would be pretty slim (the whole department can’T go on vacation at once) but if we happened to get 16 positive responses I would have been happy to have them, 2 almost came with their husbands but ended up having a work conflict. I think they all appriciated the invite though and was glad I decided to invite the whole team.
Post # 4
I’ve always heard that the best way to narrow down coworkers is, who do you see outside of the work day? If you’re close enough to talk or hang out outside of work I’d say invite them, and if not, don’t. That’s how FI and I will narrow it down.
Post # 5
I like what PP had to say. And as far as the boss I would invite them out of courtesy and the need for job security. 🙂
Your date is a ways away though so I would keep a mum mouth about who is invited since you never know who may end up leaving, transferring, etc.
Post # 6
I agree with the PP, I would probably not talk about the wedding at work and keep quiet about who is being invited.
It might be okay to send invites to the ones who don’t have the weekend off since you know they won’t all be able to make it. I think it might seem rude to not mention them because they have work.
Post # 7
I also work on a hospital unit and had the same issue when we decided who to invite. I only invited a group of coworkers that I actually see outside of work. I did not invite my boss because that, to me, would be wierd to have her at a personal event.
I didn’t make it very public that I invited those few people, although it’s not like a secret we are keeping either. I just gave them their invitations in private. Everyone at work knows my wedding is coming up and people ask about it all the time and get excited for me without seeming the least bit defensive over not being invited.
Post # 8
Are you able to invite them all to the wedding ceremony? Then invite your coworkers that you consider friends to the reception as well. That may or may not work out, but it is an option you may want to consider.
Post # 9
I am going through this issue as well. I have absolutely no intention of inviting my boss – she is a good boss, but I would never socialize with her outside of work. Besides the fact that she RSVP’d to another coworker’s wedding last year and then didn’t show up and had a lame excuse. Another coworker is actually one of my BMs so she is really the only one I talk to about the wedding. I specifically did not send STDs to any coworkers (except the BM) so that I can decide closer to the wedding who I will actually invite – probably only 1 or 2 (with dates).
Post # 10
My co-worker invited all 23 people in our office, from secretaries, to her boss, to the executive director of our agency. Not everyone attended, and some of those did not even give her a gift.
FI and I both have large families and could not accomodate everyone plus their spouses, etc. I invited 3 co-workers in which I’m on a more personal level with. I invited their husbands, but the 3 of them have decided to go together. I am not inviting my boss.
Post # 11
I would only invite the people that you want there and are close to!
Post # 12
I also had a minimum to meet… so I was always inviting coworkers.
I work with a lot of people, and talk talk talk talk alot. It’s a team environment that requires a lot of communication, and people get offended if you just walk up to them and start talking work.. so there is always small talk. With that said… my small talk is weddings. It’s about the only thing going on in my life. It’s a lot of work! Since I talk about the wedding a lot at work, so I inivited all of my managers. I need them to like me after wedding maddness is over! I’m also being very inflexible about my time off (I can’t move a wedding!) so it’s the least I can do. We usually need to be very flexible about time off.
I inivited everyone in my work group (15 people and their dates) and about half of them declined. I’m not close with them all and they didn’t make the effort to come (we aren’t close!). But at least I was able to just tell other coworkers, ones not in my group, that I just inivited my work group and left it at that.. a clear line so that people don’t get offended.
If you wait till closer to the wedding to invite (maybe 1 month out), then maybe the ‘maybe’s’ will turn into No’s due to the lack of notice?
Post # 13
Don’t feel guilty 🙂 you can only invite a certain number of people, and hopefully the coworkers you are unable to invite will understand that. I agree that the best rule of thumb is only to invite people you hang out with outside of work.
I work in a very tight knit office about about 50 people, we often have company parties and everyone is rather friendly. Five of us are engaged and in different stages of planning a wedding (I’m the only female) and 2 of my bridesmaids are also coworkers. It is very difficult to not talk about plans, whether it be my specific plans or comparing notes with the others who are getting married. I just try to keep things non-specific and make sure I dont talk about plans in a large group. I’m sure most of the people will understand that I am only inviting close friends. If they don’t I have my canned “I’m sorry but I’d love to invite everyone but we don’t have the space” response 🙂