Post # 1
I know, I know … more discussion of kids at weddings. I feel like my situation is sort of unique, though.
I am totally not into having kids at my wedding. If it was up to me, there’d be no kids and that would be the end of it. Our wedding is going to be small, approximately 50 people, mostly because our (prospective) venue is very small and my budget is crazy crazy tight. Several of my friends have kids under 5, and none of them will be invited because I don’t want interruptions during the ceremony or kids running rampant at my reception. Not to mention, I just don’t want to pay for a bunch of kids that I don’t know instead of friends I really care about.
My problem is twofold: one, my mom is all, “Weddings are for families!” She’s right, but I don’t have a ton of friends; they are my family, too. She was pretty upset about the idea of not inviting my cousins’ kids.
Second, there are some kids my FI wants to invite. He’s the godfather of his best man’s daughter, a wonderful and well-behaved 13 year old girl who I would love to have at our celebration. Also, his only sibling has 4 kids. They’re brats, but he lived with them for about a year so it’s hard to justify not allowing them. Not to mention, they live 6 hours away and would probably come down with their parents to visit FI’s dad, who lives local to us.
Honestly, I wouldn’t mind those 5 kids. But my first cousins have 8 kids between them, all of whom I don’t know and all of whom are under age 12. I only have about 6 friends on my invite list (with their spouses), and it’s heartbreaking for me to have to think about cutting them all out so a bunch of kids I don’t know can run around at my wedding.
I’ve only been engaged a week, and I can’t believe there’s already drama! I foolishly thought I’d somehow avoid all this. Silly me!
Post # 3
@DanielsQueenBee: We had a much larger wedding and a lot of flexibility with space, but had the same thought about budget. We both have huge families and unfortunately, we didn’t want to hold back on inviting friends so we had to ask people not to bring kids. I also have a few cousins who’s kids are really bad at every family event we have and we were really nervous, not only about their behaivior but about them running around and falling in the pool.
I do love kids & wanted them there, just couldn’t have them all. Our nieces & nephews were in the wedding. We also had a few people that we knew would have a hard time leaving their kids so what we did was put on the invitation that we couldn’t have kids, but we talked to a few people individually and told them to go ahead & bring them.
Are you 100% set on your weddding? Is your Mom paying? That was another thing for us; We wanted something a little smaller but my Mom really wanted to invite everyone, so she offered to pay for a lot. That was the only reason I even let her. If your Mom is not contributing, it’s hard to say but it’s not really her call. It would be sad for you not to be able to invite all the friends you want.
Post # 4
@DanielsQueenBee: What you want to do is fine. Sibling’s kids are closer relatives than cousin’s kids; and best man’s daughter would behave like an adult anyway. I’ve been to a few weddings where close kids were invited (like nieces/nephews) and others weren’t.
Post # 5
@DanielsQueenBee: I did not invite a cousin because I knew with almost absolute certainty that she would bring her loud, undisciplined child to the ceremony (even if her child wasn’t invited). I do not regret it, but it did cause family drama. Be prepared for potential drama if they don’t understand why their kids can’t come.
I disagree with your mother though. Weddings are for families, but not all family. Weddings are extremely boring for children. Receptions potentially not, but, anyway.
Thirteen in my mind doesn’t group his goddaughter in the “kid” category. She is a teenager who by that age knows how to act appropriately. And the rest are your FI’s nieces and nephews.
So yeah, you totally are in the clear for what you want to do, but you may have some drama down the road. Lean into it, because it is much better than having a knot in your stomach before the ceremony worrying if your cousin will take their crying child outside. I do not miss avoiding that at all!