Post # 1
So my FMIL wants to invite a family of 3-4 individuals (one of her siblings and their children) that haven’t even seen my FI or his parents in over 10 years. And it’s not that they live far away, they all still live in the same area in the same state! The sibling just purposely dropped out of their lives due to issues with the person they married getting along with everyone else. My FMIL wants to use this opportunity to re-connect…but at about $100/head with a smaller wedding of 64 – 88 people total (we’d like to keep it at 80 or under)….I don’t really want to. But no one is even sure if the person the sibling married is in the picture anymore, they wanted me to specifically leave that person off the invitation because of rumors of them being separated. First off, I’ve asked for confirmation that they are in fact separated before I send out invites (I may not want to invite them at all, but if I find out I have to invite them, I’m sure not going to be rude enough to leave off one of the parents if they’re together). We’re paying for the majority of the wedding (over 85%) and she’s paying the rest. Originally I had a firm NO to inviting them, and then she offered to pay a portion of the wedding and then stated that those people are going…but sometimes money isn’t worth the trade off of losing 3-4 spots of your wedding to people you don’t know…my venue has a fixed size space we’re trying to work within.
I can understand that it’s painful to have a sibling you grew up with cut off their tiess to you (even if you get along still with the rest of your siblings), and wanting to re-connect…but does it really have to only be at an event as expensive as the wedding? Especially since they live so close to one another? I’d feel so much better if they’d just at least give re-connecting a go at some event prior to our big day and then invite them if everything seems to be going well. Or is this pretty much the point of weddings? Unifying families and an excuse to re-connect old bonds? My side of the family is HUGE and there’s been so much drama and separation among all the siblings (aunts/uncles) that the majority of my family won’t be invited…shouldn’t we hold his family to the same standards?
Post # 3
@lovelyduckie: If MIL offered to cover the cost of these people, and you can swing it in terms of capacity, then I think you should invite them.
Also, how does your FI feel about it? Does he want them invited as well? Does he not care one way or the other? Is he also completely opposed? You didn’t really mention his feelings in this.
If she is paying, and he wants them to attend (or even if he’s indifferent), just invite them.
Post # 4
I think it’s kind of pointless to invite people on the intention to “reconnect” with them. The bride and groom are going to be too busy, and in too much demand, to do any reconnecting. If you want to reconnect, then pick another time to do it, when you actually will have the time to catch up and start renewing the relationship.
If you don’t even know a person’s marital status, then your relationship is so stale that they really don’t need to be invited to your wedding.
Post # 5
@JemmaWRX: When we first made the list they were nowhere on his mind, he didn’t even mention them as possibilities to me. His mom brought them up when we were discussing invite plans later on, but here’s the thing she also said that we won’t need to invite some other people who are their relatives on the dad’s side (6 people on our list) and in their place we can invite this mystery branch of the family. Come to find out months later, those 6 people we axed DO WANT to come, and told her so…so now they’re re-invited along with this mystery family and the trade-off didn’t work. I think my FI was so surprised at how much his mom wanted them there after they lost touch for so long that he’s not really commenting on it anymore. He doesn’t want me upset but he wants his mom happy too. Maybe I’ll sit him down tonight and talk it out.
@fishbone: “If you don’t even know a person’s marital status, then your relationship is so stale that they really don’t need to be invited to your wedding.”
That is a damn good point…
I’m thinking…worst case we split our invites down the middle, he gets 40, and I get 40 and he can decide what he does with them. Because right now he has WAY more family invited and to invite even more bums me out and takes away from the people I want to see. I may not be inviting many of my blood relatives, but I want to invite people I see on a semi-frequent basis and give me joy and my half shouldn’t be treated less because of it…I’d like to think anyway