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There isn't any way to do that without offending people as it is considered rude and a breach of etiquette. Anyone who is invited to the ceremony must be invited to the reception also.
We thought about doing something like that, but honestly, some people might be really offended. It's best to just cut your list now down to the most important people. That way if people are offended you can say that you had to have a small wedding.
As another poster said.... basically you can't do that! Well, you could, but at the risk of really hurting the feelings of those you excluded. Sorry :(
I personally, would be totally offended to be invited to the ceremony and not the reception. Best to not invite them at all or find a new reception venue.
Etiquette definitely says this is a big no no, although I find that people have done this when it comes to inviting the entire "church" family. Maybe if you can have cake and punch after the ceremony for those you can't invite to the reception?
No, you really can't do that. You're basically asking them to take time out to come to your wedding, and then just leaving them hanging.
Yeah, it's not right. But can you tell us more? Who would you be excluding for mthe reception? It's not that I think it's Ok to do this to certain people, but not others. I'm jsut wondering if we can help you figure out a solution.
Since you are willing to exclude this group from the reception, would it be so hard to just leave them off the guest list entirely? From first glanc, cutting down the guestlist is probably the best answer. Or change the venue.
I'm agreeing with everyone else. Its really rude to invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception. Look at cutting your guest list to the essential people you want to be there on your special day.
Yeah there is really no way to get around this one without offending someone. Like others have said just don't invite the people you were planning to only invite to the ceremony. Good Luck.
a lady here at work invited most of the office to the wedding only but not the reception... and i had a line outside my office door asking me to explain the invitation to them as they were very confused and then some were angry
i dont think its worth upsetting people that way unless they really arent wedding party people and they would prefer the ceremony only (im kinda that person)
Would you go to a wedding if you knew that you weren't invited to the reception? The reception is supposed to be a "Thank you!" for attending the ceremony, you can't leave some guests out. An easy way to check if someone is coming to the venue is sending a card with your invite asking them what meal option they want (if you are having a sit-down that is).
The situation is my future husband and future mother in law have a lot of church friends they feel would be offended if they weren't invited. Most of them will likely not go to the reception since it is about 30 minutes away and there is another wedding that day in another town that church people will be invited to that evening. I am afraid to invite 200 people when our venue only holds 150. I only have 74 people on my list and I have paired it down now he is going to have too but I don't know if him and his mom will be able to do so. I do want to put in the RSVP are you coming to the ceremony yes no and are you coming to the reception yes no. I hope this will help but I am still scared to go 50 people over what our venue can hold.
I don't know if this helps, but my parents are long-time members of a very large church. It is not uncommon to have situations where a church member just can't invite everyone they are close to from the congregation.
Typically what they do is host a special coffee hour after church, or have another informal gathering to honor all the people they would have liked to invite but couldn't due to logistics.
So does your FMIL have experience with this inviting people to the ceremony, not reception? I would say, perhaps you an have a quick punch and cookies after the ceremony. (But there might not be enough time buring a busy wedding day.)
If all of these church folks are used to doing something like this, I guess I could bend. (If you know no one will be offended, where's the foul?) But could you solidify the "low expectations" by just spreading via word of mouth?
But if this is new ground, I would not venture down the ceremony only avenue. It sounds like these ppl are already going to another reception. Could you play innocent and say that you knew their calendar was previous scheduled and didn't want to step on any toes by causing a conflict of events with the other wedding? (Which apparently want the church people there, more than you.) Then you could just say, "Hey, if you have time, before the other wedding, feel free to catch our ceremony."
@Circus peanut Do you think people would be offended if they can't come to the wedding? Would this be done at the church after the wedding/honeymoon or before?
@tanya123 Me and FH were the ones to think about the ceremony only idea we hadn't talked to his mom about it yet. I think by what everyone else is saying that we shouldn't do that. I am possibly thinking about punch and snacks because there will be others going to another ceremony.
@Goodart...I think you could hold this whenever, probably after the honeymoon in most cases though. More convenient for you guys! In my parent's church people aren't typically offended. The nice thing about a church community is that it's usually close knit so people can spread the word more easily. Just be sure you put it 'out there' that you really wanted everyone but logistically it just wasn't possible.
As my mom told me recently as well, there will always be a minority group that finds something to be offended about when you get married. For this group, though, there's no avoiding it. Most people will be understanding.
Our pastor's daughters wedding was a difficult situation like this as well. What they did was have an open ceremony wedding, everyone was invited. Then, they had a very small reception/receiving line at the church just cookies and punch, no speaches, cake, dancing, or anything. Then specific people had different invites that also invited them to the reception dinner following. It worked out fine, I don't know anyone that was offended. They just made it very clear that it was an open ceremony and then a private reception.
I've heard of people having a coffee/cake mini-reception at the church afterwards and then having their "real" reception that evening... we went to a wedding this summer that did that. But then you run the risk of people not invited to the evening reception finding out and hurting feelings. I've also heard of people inviting family only to the ceremony and throwing an all out party for the reception for EVERYONE they know. But inviting to ceremony only is generally frowned upon.
IF this has been done before at their church, you could just have something put in the church bulletin along the lines of "Mr. and Ms. goodart are getting married at 2PM" since it's a public building and they can't exactly be blocked from attending the ceremony. Specifically inviting them to the ceremony, but not to the reception, on the other hand, is not ok.
The "open ceremony" sounds like a good idea. That way people aren't really invited to one thing and not the other, it's just that the reception is private and the ceremony isn't. Talk to your FMIL about it!
Another option would be posting in the bulletin or even sending a announcement that says something along the lines of Mr X and Ms Y are getting married on xyz in a private ceremony. They'd love to celebrate their union with you on (insert later date here) And then maybe at the cake and coffee hour that you do with the church provide a slideshow of wedding pictures or something like that so every gets the feel of really being there.
I really like the idea of the open announcement and the smaller punch and cake "reception" at the church AFTER the honeymoon (because it might just be SO MUCH to think about in one day).
I feel like, if they aren't good enough to actually celebrate with you.. why invite them at all. My mom was wanting to do something like that, but I would feel so offended if someone did that to me.
Once I saw a couple put on their website that they had an "open ceremony," and invitations went out only to the ppl invited to both ceremony + reception. While this is still not quite polite, I think it was a better way of doing it.
Is the ceremony at their church? If so, we did something like this... even Emily Post says it's ok!
We only sent out invitations to people who were invited to the reception. The Sunday before the wedding, my mother and I went to church and told friends there that, although we were sorry that we hadn't been able to invite everyone, any friend of the family was welcome at the ceremony. We asked them to spread the news to anyone who might be interested. About 10 people came to the ceremony who weren't invited.
I think that word of mouth about an "open ceremony" is definitely the way to go... it can be a little offensive to send "ceremony only" invitations. *But* if people ask your FH or FMIL about the wedding before it's time to spread the word, they can apologize for the small guest list and say that there's an open ceremony.
ETA: The Emily Post wedding etiquette book says that it's ok to invite the whole church to a ceremony that takes place in the church.
my parents were recently invited to a wedding where there was a ceremony, then cake and punch, and then the REAL reception. My mom was incredibly offended. she felt like they were saying "give me presents, but we don't want to pay for your dinner"
I know that wasn't the case, but yes people will be easily offended
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We are wondering about inviting people to the ceremony only. We don't have a lot of room at our reception and the invite list is getting large. There will probably be quite a few people who are older and probably won't make the trip to the reception but just to be safe I wonder about inviting people only to the ceremony and then close friends and family to the ceremony and reception.
What to do?