(Closed) Inviting people who can’t come = Gift Grab??

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should we do?
    Invite everyone you want to come! Who cares if people think it's a gift grab. : (70 votes)
    93 %
    Invite everyone we want to come! BUT include an enclosure with the invitation. (SEE BELOW) : (3 votes)
    4 %
    Don't invite the people who you think/have heard won't be able to make it. : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7779 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Its polite to send an invite, even if you know they wont come. If I recieved one, gift grabbing would not be my first thought. Of course, I didnt know that you’re supposed to send a gift if you get an invite before I started planning.

    I say just send them. Better to send than have people pissed because they didnt recieve one.

    Post # 4
    Member
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I wouldn’t make any notes like that. I’d just send everyone you want to come an invitation, because they are the people you care about and should be honored to be invited, whether they can come or not. I would not worry about the gifts at all. If they are truly close to you, they won’t think such a thing!

    Post # 5
    Member
    104 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Don’t include a note like you described.  I think that is more likely to come across as a gift grab than sending an invitation to everyone.  No one is obligated to send you a gift, whether they come or not and honestly  you can reasonably expect smaller gifts at a destination wedding due to the cost of getting there.  I would suggest that you send invitations to everyone you want to come.  Some of them may be offended if you don’t invite them even if they can’t come.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1023 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Send them to everyone you would like to come and don’t include a note. People should be able to judge for themselves if they should send a gift. I’d rather be invited and decline if I can’t afford to travel then to have the couple not invite me because they’re pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to come.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1079 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    We put on our website that people should not feel obliged to get us gifts. I do think it’s polite to invite family and friends. We invited some people we knew couldn’t make it.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1793 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I don’t think anyone will think its a gift grab. If you invite people you don’t want there HOPING they don’t come and send a gift, that’s a gift grab but totally different situation.

    Honestly, what if you didn’t invite someone, and they had changed their minds because circumstances had changed? I think they’d be hurt then that they weren’t invited and you’d miss out on having someone you care celebrate with you.

    And generally, you’re not supposed to include anything about gifts on invites. Personally, I think its a stupid rule, but that’s the proper wedding etiquette if you care about that stuff. So, I’d probably leave the blurb about not getting you gifts off.

    Post # 9
    Member
    913 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    Don’t do the note!!  We are sending out invites to people we KNOW will not be coming but we aren’t expecting gifts, and they will not see it that way either!

    Post # 10
    Member
    3219 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Dont sent that note. We are inviting people we know cant come and dont think it will be gift grabby. I want to make sure they still feel included.

    Post # 11
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    It’s in poor taste to mention gifts in the invitation.

    Hopefully your intentions will spread through word of mouth.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3587 posts
    Sugar bee

    Send them without the note because ppl may get pissed to NOT get an invite.

     We want a destination wedding and I plan to send one to every familymember because if I DON’T, even if it is destination, I’ll never hear the end of it, how I was so saddity and high class, etc. *eye roll*

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    3587 posts
    Sugar bee

    Opps!

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    806 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I don’t think you need to worry about coming off like a gift grab.  If I were a guest, I’d want to get my invite even if I knew I probably wouldn’t make it.  And who knows. circumstances may change that allow some to come.

    Also, it’s not uncommon for a guest to send a gift even if they can’t make the wedding – especially if they’re a closer relative or friend. 

    No need for the extra note – if people want to send a gift they will, if not they won’t.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2532 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    DO NOT INCLUDE A NOTE LIKE THAT!!! No one will think it is a gift grab! They will realize you are inviting them because you would want them to be there!

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