Post # 1
Our wedding with be a destination wedding for about 75% of our guests, and we’ve already had word through friends/family that many won’t be able to make it (especially those coming from out of the country). We want to send invitations to everyone, but would hate for people to think it’s just a gift grab.
My FI thinks we should invite everyone we would like to come, but include some sort of note with the invitation to say “don’t send a gift if you can’t come!” How would one word such a note?? It almost sounds like “… but if you come, don’t forget to get us something”.
What do you guys think?
Post # 3
Its polite to send an invite, even if you know they wont come. If I recieved one, gift grabbing would not be my first thought. Of course, I didnt know that you’re supposed to send a gift if you get an invite before I started planning.
I say just send them. Better to send than have people pissed because they didnt recieve one.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t make any notes like that. I’d just send everyone you want to come an invitation, because they are the people you care about and should be honored to be invited, whether they can come or not. I would not worry about the gifts at all. If they are truly close to you, they won’t think such a thing!
Post # 5
Don’t include a note like you described. I think that is more likely to come across as a gift grab than sending an invitation to everyone. No one is obligated to send you a gift, whether they come or not and honestly you can reasonably expect smaller gifts at a destination wedding due to the cost of getting there. I would suggest that you send invitations to everyone you want to come. Some of them may be offended if you don’t invite them even if they can’t come.
Post # 6
Send them to everyone you would like to come and don’t include a note. People should be able to judge for themselves if they should send a gift. I’d rather be invited and decline if I can’t afford to travel then to have the couple not invite me because they’re pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to come.
Post # 7
We put on our website that people should not feel obliged to get us gifts. I do think it’s polite to invite family and friends. We invited some people we knew couldn’t make it.
Post # 8
I don’t think anyone will think its a gift grab. If you invite people you don’t want there HOPING they don’t come and send a gift, that’s a gift grab but totally different situation.
Honestly, what if you didn’t invite someone, and they had changed their minds because circumstances had changed? I think they’d be hurt then that they weren’t invited and you’d miss out on having someone you care celebrate with you.
And generally, you’re not supposed to include anything about gifts on invites. Personally, I think its a stupid rule, but that’s the proper wedding etiquette if you care about that stuff. So, I’d probably leave the blurb about not getting you gifts off.
Post # 9
Don’t do the note!! We are sending out invites to people we KNOW will not be coming but we aren’t expecting gifts, and they will not see it that way either!
Post # 10
Dont sent that note. We are inviting people we know cant come and dont think it will be gift grabby. I want to make sure they still feel included.
Post # 11
It’s in poor taste to mention gifts in the invitation.
Hopefully your intentions will spread through word of mouth.
Post # 12
Send them without the note because ppl may get pissed to NOT get an invite.
We want a destination wedding and I plan to send one to every familymember because if I DON’T, even if it is destination, I’ll never hear the end of it, how I was so saddity and high class, etc. *eye roll*
Post # 14
I don’t think you need to worry about coming off like a gift grab. If I were a guest, I’d want to get my invite even if I knew I probably wouldn’t make it. And who knows. circumstances may change that allow some to come.
Also, it’s not uncommon for a guest to send a gift even if they can’t make the wedding – especially if they’re a closer relative or friend.
No need for the extra note – if people want to send a gift they will, if not they won’t.
Post # 15
DO NOT INCLUDE A NOTE LIKE THAT!!! No one will think it is a gift grab! They will realize you are inviting them because you would want them to be there!
Post # 16
Haha, 25 votes to none! I guess that makes the decision easy. Thanks for all the reassurance, ladies! That is just what we’ll do.