- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
I guess I am more ranting and looking for support if anyone else has had to do this than anything else.
I am basically requested by FMIL (and FI because he doesn’t want to start a bunch of drama with FMIL) to invite relatives of hers just so they can say no.
Some back story, when FI and I started planning, we made it explicitly clear that we wanted a small wedding. 60 people or less. My mom was disappointed but said okay. FMIL emailed us a list of like 40 people on FI’s side that we should invite with running commentary on who might and might not come. But insisted that we should invite them so we could get more presents!
I said absolutely not. About half the people on the list were people that FI doesn’t even like and hasn’t seen since he was a child (he’s going to be 27 next week), so we talked to FMIL about it and she said, “I talked to your dad (FFIL) and we decided to go ahead and let you pick who you want there and only the people you want to invite!” Gee, how gracious of you.
We chose 17 people from her list and invited them. Now that the invitations have been out for a few weeks, people are getting them and those that aren’t are complaining to FMIL. I consider it complaining – they’re doing the old, “Just wondering if you’ve gotten an invitation yet. We haven’t, maybe it got lost in the mail, if one is coming at all?” bit.
SO now we’re being asked to invite people just so they can say no. Apparently people have already gone to FMIL and said, “What a sweet gesture BUT we can’t because of XYZ” That’s nice. RSVP NO, THEN!!!
I reminded FI that inviting 23 other people that could potentially say yes is going to mess with our numbers, especially since he added four extra people onto his side last week for me to invite. He insisted that they won’t come because they’re all too poor, but I know someone whose FMIL gave her a “guaranteed no show list” and all but 3 of them showed up – and it was a list of like 50 people.
Has anyone else ever had to do this? I’m just irritated because it could end up as extra cost we don’t want to incur and I feel like it’s basically FMIL retracting her position of, “Invite only who you want.” I also think it’s a waste of invitations and postage costs to send someone something specifically so they can have the privilege to say no, we can’t come….AFTER asking to be invited.
*grumble* I’m soooooooo done with this wedding.