Weddingbee boards

Hi hive. I'm in a strange situation re: my guest list and want some advice. My FI family is giving us a lot of money towards the wedding, although my parents are still giving twice as much. FI's family is very large and it is important for him that they all be there. I've met his dad's entire side of the family, they are wonderful and I truly want them to be there. His mom does not have a very close realtionship with her two brothers and their children, except for one of her nephews she is very close with. My FI hasn't seen any of them in years and I've never spoken to or met them. His mom swears they won't come to the wedding but we have to invite them. Talking to both of my FSILs they didn't invite any of the cousins to their weddings, only FMIL's brothers. As we were getting our save the dates ready to mail last night, I was asking him questions about some of FMILS side of the family - such as are they married? Whose kid is this? He doesn't even know who 6 or 7 of them are! I really don't think when I am having to B-list some of my college roomates I should have to invite 14-20 people neither of us know who they are. If I got an invitation from them I would wonder who these people are and why we were invited. FI is going to talk with his mom but I really want to say to her invite your brothers and your nephew you are close with. I don't think any of the other kids will be offended? What do you think hive?

I'm in a similar boat.  I don't know all of my cousins in my dad's huge family, so I'm just inviting the ones I know / have seen fairly recently (and their spouses and children -- It adds up fast!).  In some instances this means inviting a cousin but not his/her siblings.  I don't know if that's common in our big family or not (there's not really anyone I feel comfortable asking...).  Hopefully no one is too upset with me; I wouldn't expect an invite to their weddings, either.  But, I can get away with this because my dad died a few years back, and I don't have anyone insisting I invite them. 

So, while I agree that it doesn't make sense to invite people you don't really know, it may be worthwhile to do it to placate your FMIL.  You should just bite the bullet and invite your friends, too.  Skimp on something else if you have to, like flowers.  Roses won't have hurt feelings for not being included in your big day ;)

Thanks for the comments ladies. This has developed since I last posted. We went to the FIL for lunch adn FI asked re: cousins. Turns out his mom has never met 15 of them but feels it would be "wrong" to invite one and not the other.  FI feels we now need to tell his parents we will invite the cousins we/he/ FILs know but not the ones we have/ they have never met. Anyone thinks that's wrong? I don't know if I have a wrong perspective bc in my family my parent's friends are the ones we spend the holiday with...

I wish we could cut elsewhere but we've already signed contracts for all of our vendor so I can't just cut back on flowers and invite 15 strangers.We are in an expensive city for weddings and every couple on there is hundreds of dollars. 

We are contibuting what we can towards the wedding but we don't have that much money after paying our mortgage and other bills. We are putting aside $600 to $700 a month but that's already tied up in vendors/ bridal party gifts.......

So, do we stand up for ourselves? 

Relatives NO ONE has ever met?  Cut!!