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I'd still just address a joint invitation to them both and let them sort it out. Chances are he'll RSVP for 1, and she won't go. But let them make the decision--as long as they're stlll married, she's still part of your family.
Not sure what the "correct" thing to do is, but that's what I'd do.
I agree 100% with Stillme! I would also still invite both, October is still a 'longish' way down the road and who knows, maybe they will sort things out by then and then a no +1 might be awkard.
@shaunna: wow, your an early bird (or should I say bee...) Still, I think it would be bad to exclude her- better to over estimate your list then under estimating it, in the end it's your choice tho, Good luck!
@WillowH: Thanks for the input. To be honest, it's not really a question of scaling down our guest list. I was more concerned with putting them in an awkward position.
My aunt and uncle are seperated (they are my godparents) they were married for many years and had two beautiful daughters (my cousins!) come to find out my uncle got another lady pregnant so we have yet another cousin - this obviously didnt sit well with my godmother so they split. they all came as a family (including my new cousin who is 15) but i sent them 2 different invitations since they dont live together.
BUT they have been family for a long time - so i dont think it was weird to send them each a seperate invite.
I'd treat it the same as if they were divorced, since that's the typical "next step" from seperations.
Send each an invite and if they show, make certain they know your wedding is Switzerland. AKA no fighting allowed at your wedding! ;)
We don't have any "seperated" couples, but we do have a divorced pair where both are being invited. Of course, any party my FI has, everyone knows you behave or get kicked out (read: forcably removed if necessary). It's up to them to figure out if they want to come and behave.
As a part of a separated couple right now, I think I would most appreciate receiving separate invitations, but yes, both being invited, if you have a relationship with both of them.
Is there a mutual friend (or a couple) who can let them both discretely know that they're both still invited? I know for us, we have one good friend in common who would help us work out the logistics if we weren't on speaking terms. (For us, this would mean she would probably tell him not to come, if I wanted to go.)
@QuietOne: Honestly, I've only seen her twice so she would be invited as the wife, but I'm not so sure about inviting her individually.
@shaunna: in that case, I would put her name on his invite, but have a family member let him know that you'll understand if he chooses to come alone. (I would specify "come alone" in case he is the kind of guy who might be seeing someone else already, in which case you may not exactly want him to bring the floozy along.)
ETA: But I would put her name on the invite, because not all separations end in divorce. Some people can work things out.
I'm going through the same issue with a cousin, but they also have children. I am closer to my cousin, but FI is close with her husband. I know that the whole family is going to my brother's wedding a couple of months before mine. I think we are just going to invite "Cousin & Family". We'll let them work out what's comfortable.
If you don't have a relationship with her and you know that they aren't getting back together, I would just invite your cousin. Honestly, I would wait it out a bit or talk to him a little bit closer to when you send your invites. If they aren't getting back together/wanting to see each other and you don't have a relationship with her, I don't see the need to invite her.
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I have a cousin who just separated from his wife. We didn't find out until today. How should we handle the invite?