Post # 1
I have a big family, all within two hours of me and where I’m getting married. At first my partner and I were going to have just a small (30 people) wedding on the beach, super casual picnic style. Then we realized that her family would be flying across the country, and when we thought about it we wanted to share our day with more family and friends than that, and so the plan grew. (does this happen to almost everyone??)
Now we are in a tricky situation. I want to invite my aunts and uncles and cousins and second cousins, and their dates, but we cannot afford it. Apart from asking people to pay for their dinner, which i understand is rude, I’m going to have to cut some people off.
How do I invite some cousins and not others? or not include their kids (my 2nd cousins)? Really, i don’t think the younger ones aged 18-25 care about attending my wedding, but it’s an etiquette issue, right? And WHY do I have to allow dates?
The dance will start at 9 pm and that’s when we are opening up the event for more friends and family to attend if they wish. It’s a weekday evening, so that might limit some people naturally. I guess I have to just do it and be damned what people think, right? But I hate to “choose” between siblings. ARRRGH! I hate this guest list dilemma! I want to keep it to 60 guests, but last night we re-did and it got up to 90! I hope people will understand.
Post # 3
Q: Why do I have to allow dates?
A: You do not. You must invite social units (married, engaged, living togethers) together. But you don’t have to invite anyone’s boyfriend/rent-a-date.
In response to the rest of your post. I wouldn’t open it up later. That is more impolite then simply not inviting people. Also, think of your bill if loads of extra people come afterwards. It also makes the A list and B list very obvious which is obviously impolite.
Invite who you want and can afford to host and the rest be dammed. I am quite close to certain family members but really I don’t care if they don’t invite me to their weddings. I like going to weddings but it just isn’t that big of a deal to me. I bet many of your guests feel the same way.
Post # 4
@andielovesj: thanks, already I feel like I’m getting clearer on this issue having done some more soul searching and reading more similar threads on here!
True, i shouldn’t break up “units”- i like how you put it.
With the evening guest, we’ve already told our softball team about it, and they are stoked to come later and happy to be a part of it at all. As for cost, it will be cash bar, so we don’t have to worry about that. I think I still will extend an evening invitation to extended family to smooth any ruffled feathers and they can make their own choice.
I know this may not be the “normal” way of doing things, but in our circle of friends almost everyone is “below the poverty line” as our government so politely puts it, and queer weddings aren’t “normal” to begin with, so I feel alright breaking the rules! lol!
Post # 5
i have a simliar situation, my nan is one of 7 children, great anuts and uncle, cousins 2nd cousins etc, but there are some family who i speak to nearly every day, vs some family who we only see occasionally, and although get on fantastically, dont speak to as often.
i thought about who i would really want to be there, and who i would regret not inviting.
its such a hard one, but i totally agree with the PP, keep the ‘units’ together, as it would be unfair to be the only one out of your household not invited, but just explain to the family that its a cost you cant cover to invite everyone, im sure theyll understand! (i did this and some of the family members offer to pay for themselves as they said they understood the cost of it!)
hope it works out for you!