(Closed) Inviting the ex.. slightly different with a twist

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
8322 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly I wouldn’t invite her to the wedding until I was sure that the friendship was going to progress. Maybe try and reconnect some more and make the decision when you are sneding invite out. By then you should know whether there is hope for the friendship or not.

A wedding invite can put all kinds of pressure on the reconnection process.

I hope you guys can reconnect 🙂

Post # 4
Member
7796 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Nic01:  If I was in Anne’s shoes (and I sort of am, because I dated and married a friend’s ex, though we weren’t nearly as close friends as you and Anne), I wouldn’t attend anyway, because I know it would be really uncomfortable for my husband. So you may be worrying over nothing.

If you’ve stayed really close friends with Anne, then I’d invite her. But it doesn’t sound like you have. It sounds like the importance of her being there is outweighed by the importance of not having Peter there. That’s just my reading of the level of your friendship.

But I’m a person who thinks weddings aren’t the be all and end all, and you can still be friends with someone even if you don’t invite them to your wedding.

Post # 5
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee

it cant hurt to invite despite the situation, extend an olive branch. But dont have your hopes up about them showing, accept the fact that they may not show or even ackowledge the invite just dont let that get to u

Post # 7
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

@Nic01:  If I were in your shoes, I would not send her a save the date (even a late one). I would wait and think on it some more whether to invite her or not. You don’t want to get locked into having to invite if anything changes with her between now and invite time.

I doubt that your wedding will give you much of a chance to rekindle your friendship with her; I expect you’ll be too busy with everything and everyone else to really spend more than a little bit of time with her.

Will you at some point return to living in the same state as her? That might be a better time to be able to become great friends again.

If you do decide to send the invite, this might be the perfect opportunity to break etiquette and send the dreaded “and guest” addressed invite. That way if she does decide to come, she might consider bringing a friend as her travel companion if he or she think it would be awkward or uncomfortable for him to attend.

Post # 8
Member
7240 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Nic01:  Personally, I don’t think inviting someone to your wedding is a good way to “rekindle” a friendship. You won’t have time to hang out with her at all and it will only be slightly awkward all around. If you were getting closer and it seemed like it would continue to progress to you being close friends, then I’d say yes. But as it stands I probably wouldn’t invite them.

Post # 9
Member
4774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

As I see it you’d have no doubts about inviting Ann if it wasn’t for Peter, so invite her.

Post # 11
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Nic01:  Although she USE to be a good friend of yours, she isn’t really a close friend now as you only text (not even phone one another) on special occasions. To me, this isn’t the type of person I would want on the most important day of my life.  Maybe if the friendship was repaired well before the wedding, I would say to invite her, but it isn’t, and your wedding definitely isn’t the place where you can make up for the lost time.  After your wedding, if you and her are both interested in fixing things, go for coffee

Post # 12
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@MexiPino:  I agree. I think it is the wrong time to reconnect with her. 

Post # 16
Member
7240 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Nic01:  Hasn’t the olive branch already been extended? I mean, you text once in a while, right? And you spoke to your ex 1.5 years ago. I suppose you’re thinking if you DON’T invite them, you’re kind of snubbing them, right? I can see that. If I read your post correctly, your FI doesn’t want the ex invited, right? So I think that’s your answer. If your FI said HE would be uncomfortable with it, you really shouldn’t invite him. It’s not terribly important to you (not like, say, you FI was uncomfortable with your DAD or something), so why piss him off?

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