Dominican Republic--Hard Rock??
more by heatherrobyn
LOOKING FOR.....
edit to delete please
more in Relationships
Whoa.  Overwhelming.
No longer a lurker...
more in Boards
I Got My Custom Wax Stamper!

Inviting the FI's ex: to do or not to do?

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
  • poll: Should we invite her?
    Yes--go for it. Especially if there is nothing between her and your FI. : (6 votes)
    8 %
    No. She is no longer a part of his life--she has no right to be at his wedding. : (68 votes)
    86 %
    Other--I will explain below. : (5 votes)
    6 %
  •  
    1.
    1,287 posts
    Bumble bee
    heatherrobyn    April 2, 2011  

    I will keep this short and sweet.

    My fiance had a girlfriend he dated for 5 years. They lived togther. "Casually" talked about marriage.They were basically high school sweethearts.

    She found me on facebook, and we became "friends." We chat every now and then, but i would not consider us close friends. I attended one social event with her. She doesn't talk to my FI anymore, but I know at one point she was a huge part of his life. She invited us her wedding.

    To invite her or not to invite her?

     
    2.
    Member
    5,969 posts
    Bee Keeper
    AmeliaBedelia    March 3, 2012   Georgia

    I said no, only because I see no reason for her to be invited. It seems pointless if neither of you are that close to her.

     
    3.
    Member
    1,459 posts
    Bumble bee
    LindsayB    August 31, 2012   Michigan

    Ditto @AmeliaBedelia's comment.

    I wouldn't invite her.

     
    4.
    Member Icon
    Member
    5,819 posts
    Bee Keeper
    crayfish    September 11, 2010   Berkeley, CA

    No ex's at weddings unless they are BFFs with one of you.

     
    5.
    Member
    792 posts
    Busy bee
    Amani    March 27, 2010  

    I think exes at weddings are fine, but it doesn't sound like either of you are actually friends with her.  I wouldn't invite her just b/c she invited you guys to hers.

     
    6.
    Member Icon
    Member
    909 posts
    Busy bee
    sassy411    November 27, 2010   SoCal

    Oh why oh why do so many brides look for drama?  Of course she doesn't need to be invited!

     
    7.
    1,287 posts
    Bumble bee
    heatherrobyn    April 2, 2011  

    Looking for drama? are you talking about me???

     

    I am just afraid of anyone's feelings getting hurt.

     
    8.
    Member
    1,864 posts
    Buzzing bee
    egb    January 2010  

    DH had a serious gf of three years. She left him not bc she didn't love him, but for other reasons. They cut contact for a few months to be able to heal, and then they remained friends.

    I started dating DH 9 months after they separated. We see his ex from time to time and she is really nice, I actually enjoy spending time with her.

    When DH told her we were engaged (I wasn't there, didn't feel it was my place to tell her), she cried. Because he was such a big part of her life, and I guess, it's always weird/difficult to know someone you loved very much is moving on for good... I don't know..

    We did not invite her to the wedding. I did not want to be walking down the aisle with someone in the assistance thinking how it could have been her.

    We still see her from time to time, and she never asked why she didn't get an invite. No hard feelings there. But no, I personally do not think that exes (important ones) should be invited to weddings... I say important bc it all depends on situations, how serious it was and all... my best friend is an ex I dated in high school, my first love, but it was 10 years ago and there is definitely nothing there, and I was at his wedding, and we invited him to ours...

     

     
    9.
    Member
    2,616 posts
    Sugar bee
    Entangled    September 17, 2011   Carmel, CA

    I would only invite her if you're having a very large wedding and inviting everyone who invited you to theirs.  You're not obligated to recriprocate wedding invitations and it sounds like other than that, regardless of her history with your fiance, you're not all that close with her.

    We're inviting several of each of our exes to our wedding - it's not that that bothers me.  It just seems like unless you're having a huge guest list, there's probably people who are a bigger part of your lives that you could invite instead.

     
    10.
    Member Icon
    Member
    909 posts
    Busy bee
    sassy411    November 27, 2010   SoCal

    @heatherrobyn:

    Well, you can decide whether pleasing your FH's ex is that important to you.

     

    I can say it would not be at all important to me.  It's your wedding, you are free to invite whomever you choose.  I personally prefer to avoid even potential drama & leave the exes out of it.

     
    11.
    Hostess
    10,917 posts
    Sugar
    Beekeeper
    bakerella    September 11, 2010   Toronto, ON

    DH and I both had an ex at our wedding (and attended both of theirs this summer/fall as well). No biggie. They are both part of our lives presently and so that's why they came! They're definitely friends and I don't think either of us really think of them as "the ex" any  more.

    So, let's forget for a second that she's an ex. If you don't talk to her, if she's not friends really with FI either, and she's more of a casual acquaintance, I wouldn't invite her. BUT I would definitely feel awkward having been invited to someone's wedding and then not inviting them to mine. Did you go/RSVP yes to her wedding? Did FI think it was weird (from the not really friends aspect) that you were invited to her wedding? I mean, it's sweet she thinks so highly of you guys, but I get the feeling the relationship is a bit one sided no?

     
    12.
    1,908 posts
    Buzzing bee
    lezlers    April 3, 2011   California

    I couldn't imagine inviting any exes to our wedding.  Unless you're BFF's with them now, there's absolutely no reason to invite an ex.  They'll understand. 

     
    13.
    Hostess
    1,993 posts
    Buzzing bee
    redherring    September 11, 2010   Pittsburgh, PA

    One of my exes was a bridesman, so I obviously have no issue with inviting an ex to a wedding. With that said - regardless of this person being an ex, it doesn't sound like you are all that close. Would you be inviting her out of a sense of obligation, since she invited you to her wedding? Or is it just because she used to be close to your fiance? When we did our guest list, we based it on who was important to us in the present and likely to still be around in the future, not who we had been close to in the past.

     
    14.
    Member
    2,066 posts
    Buzzing bee
    RayRayFurious    May 2013   NJ

    Nope.

     
    15.
    Member
    3,351 posts
    Sugar bee
    MsMamaBear       Atlanta

    Nope, we aren't inviting his ex and she's his son's mom.

     
    16.
    Hostess
    6,147 posts
    Bee Keeper
    totheislnds    February 12, 2011   NC

    i'm inviting a friend, i wouldnt call him an ex because it was never anything serious and we were best friends prior to the "fling" and have been best friends since. FI is personally a little uncomfortable with it but understands that he has been a family friend for a long time and it was right after highschool, so wayyyy before FI came around,

     
    17.
    Member
    335 posts
    Helper bee
    Rocketdog    October 22, 2011  

    First, why would her feelings get hurt when it's clear that they drifted apart. Second, who cares if the ex gets upset about it.

    If an ex isn't also YOUR friend then they have no business being at the wedding.

     
    18.
    Member
    5,932 posts
    Bee Keeper
    eloping    May 23, 2010  

    forgetting the ex bit i dont understand why you would invite someone to your wedding that you have no real friendship with and your FI no longer speaks to

     

     
    19.
    Member
    315 posts
    Helper bee
    stbMohror    September 4, 2010   Post Falls, ID

    Don't feel guilty if she invited you to hers, that's like you buying her a gift just because she got you one ;)

     
    20.
    Member
    2,891 posts
    Sugar bee
    MsBrooklynA       Midwest

    I don't think I could do this. It would bug me. Like many PP's have mentioned also, if she wasn't an ex would you even be inviting her anyways. I don't really get the inviting someone just because they invited you to their wedding.

     
    21.
    Member Icon
    Member
    4,416 posts
    Honey bee
    Ember78    December 15, 2012  

    Unless the exes are a permanent part of your life (due to children only), they have no business being invited to your wedding, and even then it would be awkward for everyone involved, as well as for other guests, which will put a damper on the event. They are a part of your past (and not your present) for a reason.

     
    22.
    Member
    1,177 posts
    Bumble bee
    Tickles    September 2, 2015  

    It's not a case of her being an ex or not, that is beside the point.

    You aren't friends, don't talk on a regular basis etc. So she doesn't get an invite. I'm sure that there are many other people that your FI knew for a long time who aren't being invited because they aren't a current part of your life. 

     
    23.
    Member
    1,341 posts
    Bumble bee
    Blondee    August 24, 2012  

    Not only is she an ex, but it doesn't seem like either of you really speak to her regularly or anything. I wouldn't invite her.

     
    24.
    Member
    894 posts
    Busy bee
    miss ranunculus    June 2, 2012   Columbus...reluctantly moving to Austin

    I'd also say no - I considered saying go for it, because she did invite you to hers, but when it comes down to it, neither of you are that close with her.  I know personally, I couldn't deal with having an ex at my wedding.

     
    25.
    Member
    176 posts
    Blushing bee
    toile234    July 30, 2011   Morgantown, WV

    The only reason I could think of to invite FI's ex to the wedding would be to show off the lovely affair I put on which is selfish and horrible.  If you are not close to her and your FI doesn't care either way, I'd say that's an easy guest to cross off the list.

     

     
    26.
    Member
    1,754 posts
    Buzzing bee
    sapphirebride    December 31, 2010   Seattle, WA

    If she was someone else that one of you knew  a long time ago, would you invite her? I wouldn't. We didn't invite people that we aren't in touch with anymore.

     

    Reply

    You must log in to post.





    Visit our sister sites eHarmony
    Online Dating
    eHarmony Advice
    Dating Advice
    Project Wedding
    Wedding Songs
    JustMommies
    Pregnancy Calendar
    Copyright 2004-2012, Weddingbee.com
     

    Find your vendors on Weddingbee

    Real reviews from brides in your area!

    Favors by Weddingbee

    • Favors by season

    Shop Now ยป

    Find Registry Find Registry Find Registry

    More
    User Posts Today
    Lyndzo 52
    Brielle 41
    mypinkshoes 34
    Cady 32
    fivemonthsnotice 32
    AshleyR83 30
    TheLionQueen 27
    his chippymunk 27
    ndreighton 27
    bridalprincess 27

    Relationships

    User Posts Today
    tenacity 4
    Cady 4
    imageeksowhat 3
    Ms Flamenco 3
    This Time Round 3
    keepsmiling19 2
    ChicChick 2
    Sasha2011 2
    MsMonkey 2
    ladybugmommy2010 2
    More