Post # 1
I am having a destination wedding and I’ve encountered a few conflicts, the most prominent being my uncles. The uncle on my mom’s side is through marriage and we have a great relationship. He’s invited, without a doubt. My other uncle from my mom’s side is invited, but probably won’t go. I’d be totally fine if he did, but work obligations will likely be an issue.
My dad’s brother, however, will not be invited. He has never done anything wrong to me, but I just don’t want him there. He is a functioning alcoholic (has a good job, but hits the bottle HARD every night and is slurring and blackout drunk by 3:00 in the afternoon. Every. single. day.) Not only is this a problem for me, but he also has a very trashy live-in girlfriend that nobody likes in the family, so it’s kind of a package deal. Not happening. As you can tell, my decision is already made. My issue lies within how to discuss this when he discovers it. He lives a few houses up from my parents and I’m sure the word will get out that Uncle Tim is invited, but he is not. I can’t say I’m only inviting immediate family because that is obviously false. The only person he might possibly find out from is his mother. Should I ask her to lie for me and say she’s going somewhere else? Should I say it’s just grandparents and immediate family? Aggghh!!! What’s the best way to handle this.
Post # 3
Honesty is the best policy. There is no way that I could ask my grandmother to lie for me in order to keep myself sane. I feel like that’s never okay. If your decision is made then simply tell him the truth…I’m sorry that you’re not invited, I would like a stress free day and I feel that having you there is not conducive to that type of environment. Do not engage in an argument about why. Just be as firm in the decision during that conversation as you are here about it.
Besides, you never know… he may not even want to pay for or make arrangements to go since it is a destination wedding. It may wind up being a moot point.
Post # 4
Oooh that is a little sticky… I would suggest the same as EsqBailey. Just be as honest as you can with him. Without going into details I would let him know that his life style would be too much for you to handle on your wedding day. If you bring up specifics it might prompt him to get defensive quickly and try to reason something out with you.
Post # 5
@EsqBailey: haha. The last part of your post make me chuckle. It’s a resort with all-inclusive booze! Of course he’d go!
@FloretteLiz:.. but yes, you guys are both right. I should just be honest and not force Grammy to lie! She’s kind of losing it and might slip up anyway..haha. Gotta love my family.