Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2015 - Contemporary Art Center of Peoria
I appologize as this is going to be a little rant-y, and I know LOTS of brides want help from their grooms, I do know I’m lucky, and I don’t take it for granted.
We’ve been engaged for 9 months (Holy crap!) and we started really planning (meaning legit decision making) about 2 months ago. FI has said from the beginning he wants to be involved and wants his opinoin to matter, etc. Which I LOVE.
But. I don’t know where to draw the line. I don’t want to bombard him with the 8000 questions and ideas I have in my head. I know he doesn’t care if I get plain champagne chargers or beaded champagne chargers. He’s going through major job stress, and is constantly on the verge of quitting, but that’s another post for another day. Bottom line is he’s stressed, and I know he doesn’t want to spend all his free time talking about wedding things. But we need to start making plans, real ones, not just ideas. I feel bad making choices without him, and more than half of the time I really do need his opinion to make a decision!
My problem is I hold it all in, until I have 50 things I need to decide on, because I don’t ask him on his bad days. Then I break down and cry because he’s not helping me, and he gets mad that I’m so stressed this early on.
I know I need to talk to him, and just flat out ask him what he wants to be involved with. If you’ve been in this situation or have any advice, it’s very appriciated.
Post # 2
Just ask him when during the week he’d like to sit down with you to go over whatever needs to get decided. While you’re at it, ask him how he’d prefer to handle small details (texts like, “Ahh I’m at the craft store and they have the perfect XYZ for $0, should I get them?”) and if there are any tasks he’s interested to handle completely (e.g. transportation, music, men’s attire).
Post # 3
MissCoupon: This probably wouldn’t work for everyone, but I actually just bounced questions off my DH as they came up. So I ended up having one or two 5-minute wedding convos per day with him. It didn’t seem to bother him…in fact, as I recall, the hour-long planning sessions that happened closer to the wedding day seemed to be worse for him.
Why don’t you try a few different methods and gauge his reaction from there? He may not know what he prefers since you’re just beginning the planning process.
Post # 4
MissCoupon: My DH wanted to be very involved but had never been to a wedding in the UK before so didn’t get half of what I was talking about. We discussed the big things together – the venue, photographer, where people would stay, seating plan, his and groomsmen suits etc, but everything else – colours, placecards, cake, flowers, I did with my family. He occasionally asked about stuff but otherwise was happy to leave me to it.
As you say, you need to sit down with him and maybe make a list of things to do and ask him which ones he wants to be involved in.