Post # 1
I need some advice on how to incorporate my FMIL more in the wedding planning.
I got engaged on Christmas Day 2009 after dating my fiancé for a little over 7 years. My mother has been a great help in discussing ideas and sending me stuff, but my fiancé is an only child and I would like to include his mother in the planning somehow. Both of our families live out of town (more than 5 hours away) and we actually only have one of our attendants who lives in town so the vast majority of the planning is on us. While I have been around a while my FMIL and I have never been close and I only really talk to her when we visit or when they visit. I will confess I am a control freak, but I know that I need to let go of some of the little projects for the wedding or I will never get it all done. I would like to give her more to do, but obviously she is out of town and she already diverged from the first project I gave her so I am a little hesitant.
Project: I asked my FMIL to do some research into hotels in her price range in the area of town where the wedding will be. This way we would have a couple of hotels at different price points. I figured this would take a task from me, but the problem is that she didn’t do any research, instead she just booked a block of rooms at a place she had stayed at 5 years ago nowhere near the wedding location and the price she got was not great—no discount (I called when I was advised about the block of rooms and got a better price without haggling). Additionally she didn’t tell me that she had reserved the block of rooms until I asked almost a month later.
I really want to include her but I am not sure how to proceed. She really can’t be involved in the big stuff, like dress shopping, picking the caterer and location, etc, because she is so far away and we have very different tastes, but I don’t know what to give her all things considered. I know it was just one project but I need to know that things will get done. I really hope this does not sound harsh. Any advice would be much appreciated! Thanks!
Post # 3
I have a fairly difficult FMIL, so I feel your pain! I would ask her for ideas on favors and minor stuff if you haven’t already decided. Perhaps she can come in for a weekend to look @ venues and dresses?
Post # 4
What does your FI think? Are you wanting to include her out of the kindness of your heart? Or was she hinting that she’d like to help? It sounds like you’ve really been trying, but she’s disappointed you with her execution of your requests. Can you do something like, buy all the components of the favors, and ask her to assemble them? Or maybe you can just ask her to look online for fun cake ideas or flower ideas. Then to call or e-mail you with her ideas. Maybe just make sure she knows that you will do the ordering. You just want her to provide you with her favorite ideas. Maybe you can include her in regular planning questions. you could e-mail or call once a week with questions, about guests, or what she thinks about the colors you’re tossing around, etc.
Post # 5
My FMIL also lives a few hours away; my fiance is also an only child. My FMIL is a sweetheart and has asked me to keep her in the loop. Every time I speak to her, she asks if I’ve gotten a dress yet, or bridesmaid dresses, or if my own mother has picked her MOB dress – none of these things have happened. When we picked our STD, I e-mailed her the proof of it so she could see it well before. I am also a control freak, so rather than give her any tasks, my plan is just to do as she requested – keep her in the loop. When I pick my dress, I will e-mail a pic of it to her (and make her swear not to show anyone, and I trust she will not); I will ask her to make a special trip and come to a fitting with me when the dress is ready. I’ll also keep her updated on bridesmaid dresses, linens, favor ideas, etc. I think she just wants to feel relevant and a part of the planning process, even though she will not be a decision-maker; and so the least I can do is send her a monthly e-mail.
Post # 6
I would just send her photos and stuff on e-mail as much as possible along the way, maybe asked her advice on household stuff that has worked for her, etc. That way she feels involved, but isn’t really doing anything.
Post # 7
Thanks to everyone for their advice!!!!