IP: Wedding roles

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
    Honor : (5 votes)
    7 %
    Servitude : (56 votes)
    80 %
    Other; I'll tell you in the comments. : (9 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    8680 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Servitude if they are “given” without being offered. Who just asks someone to distribute the cake when they are supposed to be a guest?

    If someone asks what they can do to help, and you ask them, “well, we could use a few people to help us decorate!” and they agree, it’s not so harsh.


    Post # 4
    11607 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would not view any of those roles as honorific.  I would view them as a favor to a friend who asked me to work at her wedding, and I would not be very happy about it.

    Post # 5
    6951 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @MoonlitMagnolia:  servitude. Unless the guest book attendant and maybe cake server are tweens. But adults- that’s definitely work not honor. 

    Post # 6
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Those all sound like things I would hire people for, or ask for volunteers if I couldn’t afford professional help.

    I’m also pretty good about volunteering to help if I know someone isn’t planning on hiring a coordinator. FI and I are happy to come early and put things out on tables if that means less stress for the couple and their families/attendants.

    Post # 7
    5935 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I don’t think those roles are honorable. I also don’t think their needed. All of those besides “guestbook attendant” should be done by the venue or hired help.

    If someone specifically offers to do those jobs, then ok. My 13 year old cousin offered to help with the guestbook (it was wine bottles that were to be signed, not a simple book) so I let her. I never asked her to do it and I didn’t pretend like it was some kind of honor. Also, she only “attended” the bottles during the cocktail hour. After that, people were on there own lol

    Post # 8
    1197 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Neither.  I think it depends on the tone of the wedding.  If its a casual backyard sort of affair, then I could see these as a way to distinguish people.  But even then, only a guest book attendant or cake server are seen by the guests, so I really don’t think venue decorator would be an honorable job.  If its a formal wedding – no.  Cake serving is a catering/waitstaff job, and venue decorating is a DOC job.  Guest book attendant – maybe, but only if its a younger family member.

    Post # 9
    2915 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    These aren’t jobs that should be given to any guest. 

    Post # 10
    22124 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If it’s a really close friend, I’m happy to help out and be a part of her wedding day. Obviously, I wouldn’t relegate those tasks to just anyone. I helped pass out programs at a close friend’s wedding once, and I was happy to help make her day a little bit easier.

    Post # 11
    6449 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Servitude. If it’s a close friend I would do it but I would rather be just a guest than have any of these ‘honors.’

    Post # 12
    9526 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m really surprised by these responces. I did guestbook at two cousins weddings and at my step sisters. I did a reading at a friend’s wedding. They asked and I said sure!

    I just figured that I live far away from my cousins and friend and I’m not super close with my step sister (and we were planning weddings at the same time) so it didn’t make sense for me to be a bridesmaid/groomsmaid. But they wanted me to be involved in the wedding so guestbook attendant/reader makes sense. One of those cousins did my guest book, the other cousin did my hair, my step-sister did my makeup and that friend played guitar for our processional. 

    I think it’s a pretty good gig. You get to go to the rehearsal and bachelorette. You get a corsage, but get to pick your own dress! It’s not like these are difficult jobs. And, presumably, you like these people, and want to help them out, so what’s the problem?

    I think people just get too sensitive about stuff. I think people mostly are upset that they weren’t asked to be a bridesmaid (which really isn’t that big of a deal). I’ve seen grown women get into fights over “No I’m  her best friend.” I just say screw the titles and have fun and be helpful. 

    Post # 13
    10899 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I would view all of those roles, with the exception of guest-book attendant, as servitude. However, that doesn’t mean that I would not volunteer, with joy, to serve in one of those capacities for someone who is close to me.

    Post # 14
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Definitely servitude!

    Post # 15
    2792 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think it really depends on the local/family tradition and the brides’ attitude about it.  I think just like any other roll in a wedding, you are not doing anyone a favor by asking them to be involved in your wedding.  They are doing a favor to you. 

    I have a cousin who LOVES pouring punch at weddings because she likes being involved with weddings.  She was a bit let down when I told her we weren’t doing punch.

    If you do have these rolls, I think you need to treat them like bridal party members.  This means that they are included in the rehersal dinner and giving them a bridal party gift. 

    Post # 16
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think it depends. I had a very small wedding party, just my best friend and my two sis in law’s. My other not as long term best friend really wanted to be involved, and she OFFERED to be our DOC. So I made sure she was appreciated and I felt like it was a very important role, and I loved that she did it, it gave me an important way to involve her. 


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