Post # 1
I’ve dated my boyfriend for over 6 years – we were high school sweethearts. We’ve known that we wanted to get married, but because of being out of school just 2 years and grad school, financially he is just able to buy a ring. I’m completely ok with that. I knew that he was planning to do it in the spring. My best friend and roommate has dated a guy for a bit over 2 years. I knew that they were considering marriage eventually, too, but I, as well as many of my friends including her, assumed I’d get engaged first. I never really talked a lot about it at all; it was just assumed since he and I had been together so long.
Anyway, out of the blue she came home engaged this week after Easter. I was and am thrilled for her. Even though I had such a mixture of feelings, I was really positive and excited for her, heard the whole story, etc. I’m so glad I kept it together now because she actually thanked me the next day for being "me" and truly happy for her – some other friends hadn’t responded in quite the same way.
Honestly, deep down I was in shock after I went to bed that night, and I was a bit upset – I felt embarrassed and confused that it wasn’t me first, and upset at my boyfriend (for no rational reason) amongst the feelings of excitement for her.
I’m realizing now that it’s really not a big deal in the long run and might be a blessing in disguise because I have no anxiety left and can just relax and wait for him to propose – but this is where the story is almost funny in an ironic way. I told my boyfriend about her engagement, and he was excited for her, VERY literally shocked and then had this really disappointed look on his face. Yeah – he was planning to propose – and soon…like a few days soon. Talk about timing! He said that his plan has to change a bit, but he was really positive and said that it will be wonderful and he can’t wait.
He figured that her boyfriend wouldn’t do anything for another few months, and he had something planned for us very soon. He wasn’t basing it at all on her and her boyfriend, but the last thing he could have imagined happening was that this guy would beat him to it. He wants to propose at a time when other people aren’t all doing the same thing. I asked him to honestly wait a while now – it stinks, but this is her moment and her time, not mine/ours. I truly don’t want to steal her thunder. He understood that completely but was disappointed that he just hadn’t acted faster. The more we talk about it we’re realizing it’s for the best, and we can enjoy each moment more. My question is – how long would be realistic for him to "wait" until it’s fun/appropriate/surprising for him to propose? He doesn’t know, either! Deep down I don’t want to wait, but I know it’s the best thing to do. (I’m an excited girl in love, after all!) I know he’ll still surprise me, but how long should he just consider it "out of the question" and inappropriate to think about proposing? Advice is appreciated very much!!!!
Post # 3
plaid – ughs what a total bummer! In my opinion, I don’t think the proposal should wait or have any significant amount of time of a "wait" because of your friends engagement. I think the actual wedding itself being the same month.. season.. etc. is more of an upsetting thing then an actual proposal. I say go ahead with your plans as long as you know that you won’t conflict with her actual wedding and your wedding. It could be fun to take the ride along with your friend and grab some ideas, tips and/or "do’s n don’ts".
You can’t base your future on someone else’s current plans.
Post # 4
I think it’s really sweet that you are willing to push it back so that your friend can have her moment. Maybe wait a couple of weeks? I wouldn’t think you need to wait more than that. Just remember that it will be a blast to plan your weddings together!
Post # 5
You are awesome for being so sweet & supportive to your friend…it would’ve made me feel weird too with you & your honey being together so long. I would say (if I was lucky enough to be in your shoes & know it was going to happen so soon) to give him a couple of months…that way he can plan his proposal the way he wants…and has enough time to surprise you with it….that’s how I would do it if I was in your situation.
Post # 6
alright i am totally willing to take a ton of flack for my comment, but here it goes…
i am so disheartened when i see an engagement, or a marriage having anything to do with what miss or mr so and so is doing. my goodness – it is a commitment you are making for the rest of your life – not a popularity contest! who cares if your bf or bff just got engaged?? who cares if your FSIL wants to wear champagne? who gives a rats ass if your favors won’t have a monogram, or worse yet, you don’t have favors? let’s all take an honest look at what we are doing here…committing ourselves to another human being for the rest of our lives – NOT just throwing a party before our friend does. sorry guys – hope you don’t hate on me for my rant but i get a little unsettled by some of the posts i read here (not directed at you plaid13542).
Post # 7
I definitely see where you’re coming from. I don’t see it as that you’re unhappy for your friend in <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-style: italic”>any way, it’s just that you knew that you and your Mr. were so close to the big question. BTW, I do think it’s sweet that you guys don’t want to ruin your friend’s moment by getting engaged so quickly. Hope he does it soon! 🙂
Post # 8
This may be a totally crazy idea… but maybe your bf could talk to your friend? Like, plan something with her invovled to help surprise you, etc? Maybe then she would feel happy because she was invovled and getting to help… Honestly it would be fun to plan your weddings together, right?
On another note, I totally know how you feel. I’m "waiting" probably until the end of the summer or so, and we have several other friends who are also graduating and entering new stages of their lives…. I think I would be an emotional wreck if they got engaged before us, because we’ve been dating the longest. I guess that sounds really petty and selfish, but I’m being honest
Post # 9
I think waiting is such a hard to do, especially when you are a person with little patience to begin with (coughcoughmecoughcough). But I think that for now, the thing to do is just to be truely happy and helpful for your friend. She will return the favor when your time comes along, I am positive.
Post # 10
This is pretty common! After 3.5 years my now-FI finally proposed. And within a few months of my engagement, a bunch of my friends got engaged. Some had only been dating 10-13 months. Crazy in my book! But I’m always kinda like, "hey…i put in my time! put in yours first!" Some if it was this DIRE need to want to be married and for some of them I guess it was just right. But you know, even though our engagements came around the same time, it was still a lot of fun! Although I do feel bad saying this, but i’d go to a function (like a wedding or something) and sometimes people would notice her ring before mine because her engagement was so fresh. Then it was like, "Oh yeah, YOU’RE engaged, too!" even though i was like, "Uh, duh, after 3.5 years.." But then again, I have friends who had been together longer than me who I know were upset I had *beat them to it* even though they were all thrilled for me since my FI had been deployed for so long. There are so many factors! I even have two friends who got engaged on the same night but didn’t want to tell the other in order to steal their thunder!
I think it’s wonderful that you’re waiting though! It’ll be more of a surprise and it’ll be so wonderful when it happens!!
Post # 11
I understand how you feel, but I tend to agree a little with *djmaddiebluedog*.
DH and I dated for 5 1/2 years before he proposed. My best friend got engaged exactly 3 weeks before DH proposed. I was truly happy for her, but it of course made me reflect on my own situation as I celebrated with her. Little did I know that DH had been planning to propose during that time.
However, your engagement really is a private and special time for you and your FI – and really, no one else matters!! If you wait on other people, you’ll never get engaged, or get married, or have children – because there will ALWAYS be someone in your life who is just engaged, or getting married or pregnant.
I’m SO glad that DH didn’t wait to propose any longer than he had already planned. It was perfect for us, it was about us and my best friend and I planned our weddings together. We were both truly happy for one another and celebrated each other like good friends do. I hope your BF doesn’t wait – after all, it will be exciting and wonderful no matter when he does it.
Post # 12
I have to agree with MrsK2be. Tons of people get engaged/married everyday. Does that make it less special that you also get engaged/married that day? No. Be happy for your friend. Be supportive. But don’t put your life on hold or feel like they need to put theirs on hold for you. Yes, it would cause a problem if you plan the wedding on the exact same day because you want to be at her’s and you want her at yours, but other than that… what’s the problem? It’s not a race. There’s no certain amount of time that you have to put in before you can get engaged. It should happen with it’s supposed to… when you both feel ready & not because the rest of the world is ready for it. You’re focus is you and your man.
Post # 13
I agree with previous comments that you are sweet to be considerate of your friend’s feelings, but you should not have to postpone your engagement. Also, you said she is your best friend, I assume that means you probably share a lot of other good friends with her? If so, remember that as you are happily planning your weddings together your other friends (who could potentially be bridesmaids for both) may find their time getting stretched a little thin if your weddings are too close together. Remember, there are events other than the wedding itself to schedule: bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc. So, maybe the sooner you get engaged the better because then you could discuss coordinating your dates. Good luck!
Post # 14
I think she will be happy and excited for you because you get to do all this wedding stuff together! When I got engaged it was 2 months after another friend and my cousin and we got so excited that we were both engaged and could look at stuff together and talk about the frustrations and ideas we had. The talking about her engagement will fade after a couple weeks anyways. At least mine did, lots of people congratulated me in the first week.
You could think of it from her point of view too, if you had just got engaged how would you feel if she got engaged a week later or two weeks later? That would be a pretty good guess for how she’ll feel too!
Post # 15
You are a very nice friend for being considerate of your friend’s feelings! I personally do not think that he needs to wait at all, but if you are concerned, I would say anything more than a month would be overkill. You will have GREAT fun planning your wedding along side your best friend though.
I have to say that I had very similar moments to you. My FI and I were together for over 7 years before he popped the question and my friends started to drop like flies (hehe, I mean everyone was getting engaged). There was one weekend over the summer where THREE of my friends got engaged in the SAME weekend!!! I was so happy for them but secretly sad that it wasn’t us/embarassed that he was taking a little longer. He had his own way of doing things and proposed when the time was absolutely right for us. Just know that when it does happen it will be amazing and special for you!!
Post # 16
I have no idea how long you should wait, but I think it will be easier and stress free if you wait a bit. You know why you are getting married, but you probably can expect a whole bunch of people to link the two engagements and you will be stuck fending off questions. If you don’t mind the questions then go for it, who cares, and you all can share in your excitement together. I think if its a few days, people will see it as a coincidence, not a copy, and if you wait a few weeks people will be like what? and if you wait like 3 months, people will not relate the two. But what do I know?