Post # 1
So this is my second wedding. I was married 8 years ago and it just didn’t work out. We were young and everyone kept telling us not to and we did anyway. Prior to my first wedding, my mother had move to the other side of the country when I was 14 years old. No notice. Nothing. One day she was gone and I lived with my grandmother, who from practically that day on has been my mother. My mom and her now husband came to live here the day before my wedding. I mean literally the day before. She helped with some decorating and that was all. She paid for nothing. But I was glad to have her there. Now FF to today. I am set to be remarried. This time forever! Since I had a bigger wedding the first time and my Fiance eloped his first time around, we decided to have a traditional wedding in his hometown instead of mine. He is from Texas and we currently live in Washington. We announced our engagement over a year before the wedding because we knew everyone would need to save for travel expenses if they wanted to go. Now there are 3 months until the wedding and my mother calls me to say she cannot afford to go..but they did just come back from a week stay in New York. I call my grandmother to confirm that my mother is indeed not going. My grandmother states she isn’t either because she is too old. Yes she is 77 but she is in perfect health. Walks faster than me and takes only hormone pills. My father will not be going because he is in recovery and can’t afford it. Which I completely understand. Now. I am pissed, sad, and regretting this whole out of state wedding thing. Right now on my list of people on my side I have…my two children, my older sister, and childhood friend…pretty lonely! Am I being insensitive?
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you are going through this, wedding planning is hard. It truly makes you realize who ppl are and exactly what your relationship with them really consists of. This is your mother, father, and grandmother you are talking about, not your distant relative. Regardless which number wedding you are on, i would be upset if my parents weren’t there to support me if at all possible. Try not to sweat the small stuff, focus on the positives. YOu are getting married to “The One”, that’s really the only thing that should matter. GL
Post # 4
@bridget_124: Thanks Bridget 124. You gave me a smile. I am looking forward to starting a new life with my Fiance.
Post # 5
I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. I think it’s great that you’re giving your fiance the traditional wedding he never had. I think it’s really sad that your parents and your grandmother aren’t able to attend, but I agree with bridget – you’re marrying the love of your life, and that’s what matters on your wedding day. Perhaps they’ll come around, but try to enjoy your wedding with your FI. In the end, you’ll be Mr. and Mrs. and that will be fabulous!
Post # 6
So sorry you’re going thru this, and maybe your mom is wanting you to (ahem) pay for her tix? If the $ is there, I’d offer her half the cost of a plane ticket and see what she says.
Don’t fear. Some relatives are this way. You enjoy your forever wedding and congratulations! Fwiw, my mom isn’t coming to my wedding either and she did something so dastardly, I can’t really put it online here at all. She’s permanently excommunicated from our family (sis and I and our hubbies and the rest of our families) and my father is deceased.
Post # 7
Your feelings are NOT irrational! Life is too short to deal with people who create drama where there isn’t any, or where it doesn’t have to be. Having the people who matter the most to you being there when you marry your dream man is what counts. They’ll be able to love and support you both. I completely understand why you feel the way you, do. Relationships can be so complicated…esp. where immediate family is involved. Hang in there! I’m pulling for you and will keep you, your fiance, and your family in my thoughts. 🙂
Post # 8
It sounds like your mother has never been there for you. She disappeared when you were 14, did very little for your first wedding, and is saying she will not even be there for your second wedding.
I can certainly relate. My parents decided not to go to my sister’s (first and only) wedding. She was crushed then, and is still resentful now, decades later. And for a variety of reasons, I cut off contact with my mother back in 1995, so she was not even invited to my second wedding.
About the only thing I can tell you is to remember that this is happening only because there is something wrong with her, not because there is something wrong with you or your FS. You will unfortunately need to appreciate your life without your mother’s support. It is hard, but at least you have a wonderful FI to support you.
Post # 9
@2dBride: Thank you so much! Your words really helped a lot. Thank you again.
Post # 10
It sounds like, for whatever reason, your mom is not putting your wedding (or you, really) as a priority. She just got back from a trip to NY, a super expensive city, and she has known about your wedding for a year, and she still can’t manage to attend? That would really hurt if one of my immediate family members did that. And as far as your grandmother, what do you think is up with that? Can she not afford the airfare, or does she have a health problem that you’re not yet aware of?
Anyway, I don’t think you’re being irrational at all. My feelings would be very hurt if I was in your situation. But you know, you are starting a new family with the man that you love and that has to be your priority now. You decided to have the big wedding in his home state–I think that’s good. You have to make decisions for you two now.
You will still have an amazing day, I guarantee it. You sound very in love with your future husband, so the day that you say your vows will be special no matter what. I think it’s good that your sister, children, and old friend will be there–they are obviously very important people to you! Just try to focus on your fiance, the wedding and all the love that you do have in your life. I’m sorry that your family members aren’t really acting right but in the end you can’t control them, unfortunately. It doesn’t sound like it has anything to do with you, it’s more their issue. Good luck to you and enjoy your wedding planning!